I push the thought away. I have to stay focussed. My phone is already buzzing when I find it, and I answer it quickly. It’s Anna.
‘Is that you? Downstairs?’
She sounds happy, relaxed, if surprised. I can hear Lukas in the background. It sounds like he’s pouring drinks.
‘Yes.’
‘I thought I saw you when I came in. Is everything all right?’
‘Yes.’ I realize there’s no point in pretending. ‘Actually, no. Listen, I have to see you. I’ve been trying to ring you. I left a message. I’ll explain. Can you come down?’
She sounds hesitant. Intrigued.
‘Why don’t you come up here?’
‘No. No, you come down. Please?’
I think of the printout I’ve brought with me. I don’t want to show it to her, but I might have to. Will she believe me? Surely she’ll have to, but still I’d rather not have to do that to her.
‘Is Hugh with you?’ she says.
‘He’s at home. Please come down. Please let me explain.’
I hear her cover the mouthpiece of her phone, confer with Lukas. It’s obvious what he’ll say. ‘Anna!’ I say. ‘Anna…’
After a few moments she answers. ‘We’ll be down in a couple of minutes.’
‘No!’ I try to control my voice, but still I must sound desperate, panicked. ‘No. It’s better… could you come alone? Please?’
She hesitates. ‘Give me five minutes.’
Even though it’s late, she’s changed into a pair of trousers, a sweater, trainers. The bar is less busy now; the few people there are finishing their nightcaps before heading upstairs. The bottle of champagne on the table in front of me looks out of place. ‘Julia!’ she says, once we’ve kissed. ‘Is everything all right? You sound so worried!’ She lowers her voice. ‘Is everything okay with Hugh?’
‘Yes.’ I look over her shoulder; there’s no one there, just the waiter, collecting glasses, checking the new arrival. We sit.
‘Good. I was worried something had happened. Or, you know, Hugh had found out about that guy.’
She mouths the last two words silently, as if she thinks there are spies everywhere, eager to report back. ‘No, not that,’ I say. ‘Nothing like that.’
‘Good!’ She raises her glass. I nod. Mine is still empty.
‘What is it?’
‘Have you listened to the message I left on your phone?’ She shakes her head.
I can’t speak. I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want to destroy her happiness, even if it is founded on lies. But then I think of all the things Lukas did to me, the things I asked for, and the things I didn’t. I can’t fail her the way, deep down, I know I failed my sister. I can’t let her down, just to save myself from a difficult conversation.
‘It’s about Ryan.’
‘Ryan?’
‘Listen.’ I take her hand. I tell myself it’s what Kate would have done. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m… y’know… jealous…’
‘Jealous? You’re not making any sense!’
‘Of you and Ryan, I mean.’
‘Why would you be jealous? Julia, what’s this about?’
I hesitate. I’m searching for the right words, but they seem just out of reach.
‘It’s just—’
‘What?’
‘Do you know if you can trust him?’
‘Of course! Why?’
‘It’s just, you haven’t known him that long, and—’
It sounds petty, lame, and already I know I’ve said the wrong thing. I see Anna’s expression change to one of anger.
‘I’ve known him long enough,’ she says. ‘What’s this about, Julia? I wouldn’t expect this from you, of all people!’
I take a deep breath. I begin to speak. ‘I don’t think he’s who he says he is,’ I say. I close my eyes. ‘Sorry—’
‘What?’ She sounds shocked. ‘What on earth are you saying? What d’you mean?’
I tread carefully. I need her to work it out for herself. I need her to realize that the man she calls Ryan is lying about where he goes every week.
‘What does he do? On Tuesdays?’
‘He goes to work…’
‘In Paris?’
‘It varies. He travels a lot.’
‘London?’
‘Sometimes… What’s this about, Julia?’
‘The thing is,’ I say, but then I stop. The atmosphere in the room has shifted, the door to the bar, swung open, has admitted a current of cool air. Over Anna’s shoulder I see Lukas, scanning the room, looking for us. He looks utterly calm.
‘Shit!’
‘What?’ She looks over her shoulder. ‘Oh, hi!’ She calls him across the few tables that separate them, and when he notices her he waves.
I grab her hand. ‘Listen.’ I talk quickly, I have to get it out before he gets here. ‘You can’t trust him, he isn’t who he says he is. He’s seeing someone else. You have to believe me—’
‘Julia!’ She’s shaking her head. I feel a rising urgency; any moment it might tip into panic.
‘Just leave him!’ I’ve spoken too loudly. The waiter has noticed and no doubt Lukas as well.
She pulls her hand away and stands up. She looks at me with disbelief. Disbelief and anger.
‘I’m sorry—’ I begin, but a moment later Lukas arrives.
‘What’s up?’ Anna’s face relaxes. She turns to kiss him, then looks back to me.
‘Julia was just leaving.’ She smiles. ‘Weren’t you?’
‘No. Listen to me…’
Lukas steps forward, puts himself between me and Anna. As if it’s me who’s dangerous. He looks angry, protective towards his future wife.
‘What’s this about?’
Anna turns to face me. ‘I know what this is about.’ She sounds upset but determined. ‘You’re jealous. Just because you and Hugh are falling apart and we’re just coming together. Or is it about the money?’
‘The money?’ I have no idea what she’s talking about.
‘You know we’re going to sort our wills out on Friday—’
‘What?’ My mind whirrs. I don’t know anything about that. I cast my mind back, try to remember our last conversation.
‘Anna, no. No, it’s not that at all. That money is yours. Kate left it to you. I want you to have it.’
I think back to the conversation we’d had in Paris, all those months ago. I’d told her as much then.
‘Listen,’ says Lukas. He puts his hand on my arm and I flinch. ‘I don’t know what’s going on here, but you two need to calm down.’
Anna is angry now. The bar staff have noticed; a man is coming over. ‘Miss,’ he’s saying, to me, and then, ‘Is everything all right here?’
‘Fine,’ says Lukas. ‘It’s fine. Nothing we can’t handle.’ He begins to steer Anna towards the door. She’s looking at me with an expression of disbelief, shaking her head as if she can’t believe the person I’ve become. I wonder what else she’s thinking, maybe that Kate was right all along, I’m a jealous bitch who betrayed her, stole her child and wouldn’t give him back. ‘I think you’d better leave,’ says Lukas firmly, turning to me, and at the same time I feel a hand on my arm. It’s the barman, turning me around, escorting me in the opposite direction.
‘He’s Lukas!’ I shout as they reach the door, but she’s looking away and my voice is swallowed by the cavernous bar. The other patrons look at me – they think I’m drunk, a troublemaker, a jealous ex – but I’m not sure Anna heard me. It’s only when I break free of the waiter’s grip on my arm and turn round to say it again that I see I’m too late.