‘For old time’s sake. Come on.’
He tries to direct me down Goding Street, towards the arches under the railway. A street of bike shops and storerooms, the shuttered rear entrances of the bars and clubs of the Albert Embankment. I resist. ‘What’s down there?’ I say, my voice high and anxious. ‘Where are you taking me?’
‘Somewhere quiet,’ he says.
I have visions of being found, my neck broken, bleeding, gutted like one of Hugh’s patients. I have to remind myself again that he didn’t kill Kate, that I mustn’t let him see my fear. Whatever else he did, he didn’t do that. I repeat it like a mantra.
I shake my arm free. I could run, I think. Into the pub, though its shuttered windows suggest it might not be open.
‘Relax. I’m not going to hurt you.’
‘Just stay away from me.’ I’m shaking with fear, my voice is unsteady. ‘We can talk here—’
‘You want me to stay away from you?’ He looks incredulous. ‘I want you to stay away from me, and from Anna.’ I begin to protest, but he continues. ‘You’re the one who’s messaging me non-stop, who’s ringing me up day and fucking night, over and over. I had to change my fucking number, just to get rid of you.’
I stare at him. We’re both totally still, as if locked in stalemate, then I speak. ‘No,’ I say. ‘No.’
‘So, you’re the one who won’t leave me alone.’ He points to his cheek. ‘I mean, look at this. Crazy. You’re crazy.’
The wound has healed, more or less. It’s superficial. Soon it won’t be visible at all.
‘You did that.’
He laughs. ‘Are you mad? I brought the knife down with me to protect myself, not so that I could stab myself! I didn’t know you were going to lose it and try to grab it out of my hand…’
‘No. No, no…’ I take a step back. I remind myself why I’m here. To protect Connor. ‘You’re stalking my son!’
‘What?’
‘The bowling alley. He told me.’
He laughs. ‘You’re crazier than I thought! So keep away from me, okay? Or else—’
‘Or else what?’
‘Haven’t you worked it out yet? I can do anything. Anything at all… Hugh? Anna? I can destroy them both. Unless there’s a way you could make it worth my while not to…’
‘You’re wrong.’ I try to keep my voice steady. I want it to have a strength I don’t feel. I want him to think I’m telling the truth. ‘You think I care, but I don’t. Hugh and I are only staying together because of Connor. I’ve already told him all about you. He understands. So,’ – I shrug – ‘what you’re trying won’t work. Show those photos to anyone you like…’
‘Anyone?’
I nod.
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
‘How about Connor?’
I try not to recoil, but I can’t help it. He sees it.
‘Connor’s grounded. You won’t get near him again. Coincidentally or not.’
‘Oh, don’t worry. Me and Connor? We have history now. We’re virtually friends.’
I feel a chill. What does he mean? Is there something else, something I don’t know about? Again the fear comes, that he’s got something to do with Evie. I have to remind myself that Hugh’s spoken to her, in real life. He’s heard her voice. It can’t be Lukas. I have to remember that.
‘You don’t scare me.’
‘Don’t you get it? You and me? It was fun while it lasted. But now I just want what’s owed to me. You have to back off. I’m having my fun with someone else. You have to get it into your stupid head that it’s over.’
I’m shocked. ‘Anna? Anna? You make her sound like an object, but you asked her to marry you!’
‘There are lots of different types of games, you know…’
He’s a few feet away, a little further than arm’s length. It might not be close enough. I step towards him. I raise my voice.
‘What’re you doing with Anna? Really? I know you’re using her. You don’t love her, like you didn’t love me.’
He’s smiling. It’s an answer in itself, but I want to hear him say it.
‘What are you doing with her? I know this is about the money, my sister’s money, but why involve her?’
He leans in. ‘How else was I going to get close to you?’
I remember why I’ve come here.
‘You don’t love her? You’ve never loved her?’
I’m careful to phrase it as a question. It takes him only a moment to reply.
‘Me? Love Anna? Look, we have a nice little arrangement going on, but I don’t love her. The sex is great, that’s all. And you know what? I like to think of you as we do it.’
I take a deep breath. There, I think. I have it. I almost smile. It’s my turn to feel smug now.
‘Oh, by the way, don’t even think about contacting Anna again.’
I can’t help but reply: ‘You can’t stop me.’
‘How so?’ He hesitates, he’s enjoying this. ‘Oh,’ he says. ‘You think you’re having lunch with her tomorrow?’ His smile is chilling. ‘I guess she hasn’t told you? She’s changed her ticket. Some family emergency, I think. Or something at work? I can’t quite remember. Maybe it’s just that she thinks you’re absolutely crazy and wants to get as far away as possible. In any case, you won’t be seeing her tomorrow. In fact, I reckon she’ll be leaving the hotel,’ – he looks at his watch – ‘around about… now.’
My eyes narrow. I have to make him think he’s beaten me.
‘What?’
‘You heard me. Anna thinks you’re crazy. She’s on her way back home, and I’m joining her in a few days. So why don’t you just toddle off home? Go back to your husband and be a good little wife for him? Eh?’
I don’t react. I can’t. I don’t want him to see how scared I am. I haven’t won, not yet. Not until I can speak to Anna. I have to make him think I’m going to do exactly as he says. Go back home.
I shake my head. ‘Fuck you,’ I say, and turn away from him.
His gaze burns into me as I retrace my steps. I don’t run, I have to look unconcerned. I daren’t turn round, I don’t want him to know how much I hope he’s not following. Everything depends on him leaving me alone, just for a couple of hours. Everything depends on me getting to Anna before she boards her train. I turn the corner and am out of sight. Then, I run.
I head through the bus station, on to the main road. I look behind me, but he’s nowhere in sight. Why would he hang around? He’s won. A taxi pulls up, at the lights. It’s available and I hail it. ‘St Pancras,’ I say, then get in.
‘Okay, love,’ says the driver. She must sense my urgency. ‘Traffic’s bad today. What time’s your train?’
I tell her I don’t know, I’m meeting someone. ‘Please hurry,’ I say again. The lights change and she pulls away. She says she’ll do her best. I take my phone out of my pocket, where it’d been the whole time, the voice memo recorder already running, and press done. I’d hit record as soon as we met. With any luck I’ve recorded our entire conversation.
I look over my shoulder. Lukas is still nowhere to be seen.
We’re in luck. Our route through Lambeth is pretty clear, the lights are in our favour. I listen back to what I’ve managed to capture. It’s muffled, recorded as it was from the pocket of my jacket, while the two of us were moving around. Some of it is okay – in places my voice is loud but it’s Lukas’s reply I need and it’s barely registered on the recording – but a good deal of it is usable. I can hear him saying ‘For old time’s sake’ after he kissed me, and he’d also raised his voice to say, ‘You’re crazier than I thought.’ But that’s not good enough. It isn’t what I’m looking for. I fast forward, desperate to find a section that is incontrovertible proof of what I need Anna to know; that he’s not who he says he is, that she’s in danger and that we need to help each other.