With nothing better to do, I looked around at the scenery. It was nice here. The grass, the trees, the sloping gravel walk up to the house. Maybe this is where I should stay-hole myself up in a literal ghost house forever. Let the real men handle the tough work. Sit and read and listen to the Beatles albums I remembered and relax.
I went to the front door and walked inside. The interior was how I remembered it-minus the blood and cops milling about, mind you. Nice, respectable piece of property. There was a portable radio on a small card table. “The Air That I Breathe” was playing… No cigarettes, no light, no sleep, no sound…
There was a knock at the door behind me.
I spun my head to look at it, and when I turned back to the room I saw Brad Larsen, sitting at a desk, reading something out of a thick textbook. I was about to call out to him, but I turned my attention to the door and opened it, not thinking. Halfway open, it occurred to me this was probably a bad idea.
And it was. Ray Loogan's eyebrows lifted, and then there was an explosion that blew out my eardrums, and the next thing I knew, my throat had exploded. I inhaled. It was like drinking flaming oil. My mouth and lungs burned. I couldn't catch my breath. I heard a man screaming, furniture breaking. I could feel the ground shake beneath my head with every stomp and kick.
…peace came upon and it leaves me weak…
I heard glasses rattling, grunting noises.
After a while, I couldn't hear anything.
Then a gunshot.
Then nothing.
Of course, I knew what was happening to me. I was reliving Alison Larsen's death, which had been locked away deep within her mind. But why? If Brad was trying to bring back his dead wife through Amy, why keep the painful memories at all? And why was this taking so long?
I knew the answer to that one, too. The human soul doesn't always depart its body right away. If it has a reason to, it can hang around for a day, maybe even longer. And Alison had plenty of reason to hang around.
Thus, I hung around in Alison Larsen's rapidly-cooling corpse. I watched a woman step over my body, but I couldn't make out a face. Then I watched the same woman drag the man who'd shot me out of the house. They were both careful to avoid my body. I listened to the radio for longer than I cared to, though I couldn't distinguish any of the songs, or the announcements, or advertisements. Every song, in fact, sounded like the Hollies’ “The Air That I Breathe.” The rest was meaningless garbage. I sensed the sun setting and darkness filling the corners of the house. Somewhere deep in my mind there was a sense of urgency, a need to escape this situation and return to my own life… whoever I was… and back on the case. Whatever that was. The dark hours rolled by. My soul hung on to the corpse, like a piece of wet tissue paper on a shoe.
Then, light again. A new morning, and warmth-slight warmth, not nearly the degree I was used to. Then, a child's face. At first, he looked shocked; then amused, the corners of his mouth curling up, eyes alive with mischief. He ran away. About a half-hour later, he returned with a few of his buddies. The Secret Dead Woman Club. They started by unbuttoning my blouse, already dried and sticky with blood. They stared at my breasts, and touched my nipples with short, grubby fingers.
I don't wish to recount the details of their petty experiments and probings. This record is not meant to degrade the memory of Alison Larsen. Suffice to say, they left no taboo untried. I wish I could have protected Alison…
The thought reminded me: I was not Alison Larsen. I was trapped in her memories. I was… who was I? No names would come. I didn't remember who I was, or much of my purpose here. All I knew was that I was Not Alison.
Eventually, the tortures stopped-the children chased away by a postal worker. Presumably, he called the proper authorities, for not twenty minutes later my dead body was visited by Sheriff Danny Alford. But even now, I felt myself slipping further away from my body, as if it had gone through its required mourning and was now ready to travel to the afterlife, wherever that may be. I saw more police arrive, dimly, and men in suits and photographers and eventually, a white sheet. I saw nothing, and patiently awaited whatever lay ahead. At least it would be an educational experience. Then something whipped the sheet away from my face.
And everything stopped.
Not that I was in Heaven or Hell-I mean the scene froze, with my body on a gurney being ferried by two EMTs, who looked like department store mannequins. No tree branches moved, not a blade of grass. No wind. But no, something was moving. A man. He stepped through the static lawn towards me, smiling. I knew I recognized his face, but I couldn't place him immediately.
“I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner,” he said, “but there are rules about these kinds of things."
“Who are you?” I heard myself say. But I hadn't said anything.
“I'm a friend of your husband, Ms. Larsen. I'm here to take you away from all of this."
“Is he with you?!” I gasped, involuntarily.
“Yes, he is. And he'll be with you soon. But you need to speed someplace and rest for a while. You won't feel any pain anymore. No loss. Nothing but happiness and comfort. I promise."
“Take me to Brad,” I said.
The man walked over to me and touched my cold forehead. Then he placed a weird-looking machine that looked like a crucifix over me and I heard an electric snap and everything dissolved like Alka-Selzer in a tumbler of water and-
“I am not going to live inside that,” I said.
It was an indeterminate amount of time later. The man had guided me through entire worlds of darkness and blue lightning-kind of a speeded-up version of some of the freakier scenes in 2001: A Space Odyssey-to a room that looked like a college laboratory. On the table rested a machine vaguely resembling a human. If humans had long, wiry tentacles popping out of every available orifice.
The man shook his head. “You must. Otherwise, your soul is unprotected."
“Not that… thing."
“The simulacrum is not complete, Alison. Not without you inside it. Then it comes to life, and becomes fully human. And I mean that. Human. Without a soul, a body is only meat. Without you, this machine is nothing but engineered tissue."
I started to cry, without meaning to.
The man placed his hand on the area of space that would have been my back. “It's the only way,” he said, soothingly. “This is the way to your husband."
I sniffled, then agreed to it all.
The past was erased. I had a new life now. My name was Amy Langtree, and I was an art student who lived in a studio at 1530 Spruce Street and everything was great. I met a cute guy who lived a couple of floors below me, and I'm hoping he'll ask me out.
Wait-no I'm not. I'm Not Alison. I mean, I'm me. Del Farmer Me. Del Farmer, Soul Collector.
And with that realization, I found myself in my own apartment again. At least, in the brain simulation of my apartment.
Goddamn, how long was I buried in that gruesome memory? A couple of days, at least. It all came flooding back to me at once-J.P. Balfoures, the murder investigation, the Susannah/Lana thing, the Brad/Ghost of Fieldman/toilet thing…
Finally, the story was becoming clear. The being who had rescued Alison's soul and put her in the robot was the Ghost of Fieldman. I recognized him now. How did he pull it off? Beats me. I wasn't quite sure how he managed to rip my own consciousness from its body and throw it into the porcelain prison of a toilet, either. Fieldman always said he “existed out of time,” and I suppose that loosely translates into: “I'm always going to be two steps ahead of you."