“Yes. They’re going over it again. I thought I ought to come and tell you.”
I went downstairs with her. I saw Jack. He shook his head.
“He is simply not to be found.”
“Do you think he has left the house … gone into the grounds?” asked Amelia.
“We’re searching them. He can’t have gone far.”
I followed them out of doors and went towards the wood.
“We’ve searched it,” called Jack.
“I wonder …” I murmured, for a thought had occurred to me. I started to run through the wood. I came out on the other side. I climbed up the hillock and slid down the other side and as I did so I saw that the door of the temple was open. Some instinct told me that that was where I should find him.
I went in. A chill pervaded the atmosphere. I could smell the same smell which I knew now came from the drugs which had been smoked here.
I felt a great desire to turn back, not to penetrate that evil place.
I had an uncanny feeling that if the door shut me in I should not be able to escape.
I remembered the first time I had come here. I found a stone and propped it against the door. I took a deep breath of fresh air before advancing through the passage to that open space which I now knew to be a shrine to the Devil.
Then I saw the idol and Aubrey. The great statue with the yellow eyes, the horns and the cloven feet was lying on the floor and there was something beneath it.
I knew.
It was Aubrey.
To me it was symbolic. The statue represented the man who had destroyed him. In one of his frenzies he had gone to the temple and attacked it, with the result that it had toppled over and killed him.
The great fear, ever since his obsession had resulted in those violent moments, was that he would do some harm either to himself or some other. At last it had happened.
Poor doomed Aubrey.
I stayed at the Minster for the funeral. There were few people at the ceremony. In the circumstances, Amelia and Jack had thought that it should be as quiet as possible. Afterwards the will was read. It was very much as we had expected. Jack was now the master of Minster. I had been left an amount of money which would bring me in a small income, and that, added to what I had already from my father, made my future free from financial anxiety.
Amelia and Jack took an affectionate farewell, extracting a promise that I would visit them again soon.
I had let them know in London the time of my arrival so Joe was waiting at the station. When I stepped into the house Henrietta dashed out to embrace me and Jane and Polly stood at a respectful distance, waiting for their turn to greet me.
There were flowers everywhere and laurels had been hung over the pictures.
“We missed you so much!” said Henrietta.
And I felt I had really come home.
Henrietta wanted to hear all that happened; and she listened, wide-eyed, when I told her how Aubrey had met his end.
I said: “I am sure he was trying to pull down that hideous statue. Of course, the thing was a hundred years old. It must have given way and fallen on top of him. I believe he thought it was Damien … the man who had destroyed him.”
“We’ll find him one day,” said Henrietta, smiling secretly.
“You think it is a wild thing to attempt.”
“Most things worthwhile are. You’re very sad,” she added.
“I feel remorseful about Aubrey. Perhaps I should have stayed and looked after him.”
“You did what seemed best at the time. You mustn’t get a conscience about it all. How could you have lived with a man who was drugged half the time. You did what seemed right then. It’s no use looking back.
You have to go forward. “
“You’re right. I feel I have come to the end of a phase. I’m a widow now, Henrietta.”
“Which is a more respectable thing to be than a woman who has left her husband!”
“I suppose you are right. I’m a little richer, too.”
“That’s a good thing. Finances were a bit stretched, weren’t they?
You’ve taken on a seamstress. If ever you feel remorseful about Aubrey, remember what you’ve done for Lily. You can’t save all the world at the same time. “
“You’re a comfort to me, Henrietta. I’m glad you came.”
“There, you see, you are glad, so that is a mark in my favour. But think of all the black marks I get for jilting Tom Carlton.”
“Are you sure you have no regrets about that?”
“Completely and utterly sure. Life has become exciting, full of possibilities. I have not been idle while you have been away.”
“What have you been doing?”
“For the moment it’s a secret.”
“I hate secrets which I don’t share.”
“So do I. But you will know this … in time. I don’t want to spoil it by telling you half before it’s ready.”
“I am very curious. Is it a lover?”
“How people’s minds run along one track. If a girl has a secret, everyone presumes it must be a man. Even you, Anna.”
“Isn’t it, then?”
“You look relieved. Is that because you thought I might be going away?”
I nodded.
“Well, that’s the nicest thing. I’ve wondered sometimes whether I’ve been something of a burden. I did drag you into my affairs and didn’t give you much chance to refuse involvement. It was because I knew there was something special about you. I knew we were meant to be friends. I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me.
Whatever happens, we shall always be friends. My secret is something we’ll be in together. “
“You’ve told me so much, why not tell me all?”
“In good time. Just be patient a little longer.” She turned the conversation to other things. Lily’s projects for marriage were going along at great speed.
“My only regret is that he is a soldier,” I said.
“Soldiers go away and leave their wives.”
She chatted on and I listened, so happy to be home; and knowing that a painful chapter of my life was closed forever.
It was two days later when I heard of Henrietta’s activities. She had been waiting for a letter and when it arrived she ran to her room with it.
A few minutes later she burst into mine. She was triumphant.
“It’s happened,” she said.
“I’ve done it.”
“I’m longing to hear.”
“I told you that while you were away I was not idle. You knew that we were acquainted with the Nightingale family. I thought I would make good use of the connection. First of all I learned through a friend what Miss Nightingale was trying to do. Like you, she was deeply concerned about the state of the hospitals and the standards of nursing. She had been to that place in Germany Kaiserswerth to learn something about it. She wants to make our hospitals places where the sick can be properly attended to, and the first thing she is looking into is the nursing profession. It is no use having those drunken sluts, who call themselves nurses, sitting around in the hospitals because it seems an easy way of getting a living. She wants the nursing profession to be an honourable and respected one. She wants nurses to be trained. She is making a great stir about it in high places.”
I did not know that was her aim. “
“I wanted to see her, to tell her about us. Of course I couldn’t get to her. She has so much to do and is in constant demand. She is passionately dedicated and on friendly terms with the Palmerstons, the Herberts … and several influential people. But I did get an address to which I could write and I told her about us … you mostly, how you had that feeling for nursing and wanted to learn something about it and that I had heard there was a place called Kaiserswerth. ” Her eyes were sparkling.
“I had a letter back. She did not think we could be taken into Kaiserswerth. That was an institution of which the hospital was only a small part and it was staffed by Deaconesses who had been consecrated by the Church. But some of these Deaconesses had been sent to form institutions in various parts of Germany. There is one of them which is given over almost entirely to a hospital and where young women who wished to train as nurses might be accepted. Miss Nightingale would find out if we were acceptable and let us know. ” She waved the letter at me triumphantly.