He was satanic in some ways, but he was a good doctor. He had done many things which would be judged disreputable, but how many lives had he saved? And how many lost? Doctors could not save life all the time.
It was the very nature of their work that they must experiment.
And here he was, dominating my thoughts, keeping sleep at bay, filling me with a wretched feeling of loss. No sleep was possible that night.
The next day we boarded the ship which was to take us to Marseilles.
It was almost as battered as the Vectis and appeared to be only just seaworthy; but I was hardly aware of that. My thoughts were in Constantinople.
Those soldiers who were well enough to travel came with us, William among them. At least I found comfort in the fact that I was taking him home to Lily.
I felt very emotional as we sailed down the Bosphorus, looking back at those shores, at the minarets and towers of Constantinople and the hospital at Scutari. Eliza and I stood side by side watching.
“Lots of water flowed under the bridge since we first came,” she commented.
“I remember it well… the four of us. We had become good friends by then. How glad I am that we did.”
“Same here,” said Eliza; she was always brief when her emotions were involved.
“At least Ethel came out all right,” she went on.
“Who’d have thought it? Little Ethel! One of life’s victims. Just shows you, you can never be sure. She’s had a real starry romance. I wonder how she is? Won’t it be good to see her?”
“It will,” I agreed.
Then we went inside to our squalid and cramped quarters.
In a way it was like history repeating itself. It was not long before we were in the storm. Eliza and I went on deck and sat side by side, the waves crashing against the side of our frail craft, wondering, as we did on that other occasion, whether we would survive.
“It’s just like that other time, only now there are only two of us,” said Eliza.
“Now Ethel’s safe at home. It only goes to show you should never give up, don’t it?”
“It does indeed,” I said.
“Just think. If you hadn’t stopped her going over she’d never have met Tom, never have had that life in the country. Don’t it make you feel sort of powerful, to have had that effect on someone’s life?”
“Don’t we all have effects on each other’s lives?”
“I reckon you’ve got something there. But to have saved a life, that’s really something.”
I thought of him at that screened-off bedside, holding the bullet in his hand. I thought of his methods . willing William to feel no pain, the administration of a drug which would no doubt have been unacceptable in our hospitals at home. He had saved other lives . and lost a few. How did it feel?
Eliza said: “You’re brooding still.”
“Well, there is a lot to think about. So much has happened to us since we came out. We must be different people. We have seen sights which have shocked us beyond measure … horrors we shall never forget.
People at home hear of the triumphs of war and they imagine our gallant soldiers galloping to victory . and it is all magnificent and romantic. But it is not like that at all. That is something you and I will never forget, Eliza. “
“True enough.”
We were silent thinking of those long exhausting days, of the times when the arab as had come in with the wounded, the continual fight against the lack of beds, equipment . everything we needed.
She said suddenly: “You’ve got a choice to make. Are you going to work in one of those hospitals Miss Nightingale is going to set up … or are you going to marry Dr. Fenwick?”
“It’s difficult to plan ahead, Eliza.”
“That means you are not sure, don’t it?”
“I suppose it does. And you, Eliza?”
“I’ll never have no devoted lover wanting me. I’m one of them that’s got to look after themselves. It might be the hospital for me. I dunno. I never plan far ahead. Things happen to you whether you plan or not. You and me sitting here and you wanting me to go back with you. Who would have thought when we first come out?”
“You were a little suspicious of us.”
“I thought you was one of them ladies that was playing at it, and I knew it wasn’t going to be no playground.”
“We got to know each other and that was a good thing. I shall always cherish your friendship, Eliza.”
“I know this sounds a bit soft, but I’ve got fond of you, and I was real frightened that you was going to do something silly. That man!
What was it about him? He wasn’t like other men, was he? “
“You mean Dr. Adair.”
“That’s right. Them eyes of his seemed to go right through you. He was good-looking, too. Sort of face you don’t see about much. What I mean is, there’s some people … you see them and five minutes after you can’t remember what they looked like. Him … once seen, never forgotten.”
“Yes, I think you are right.”
“He was sort of fascinating. Even I felt it. You had the feeling he could make you do just what he wanted.”
I nodded.
“I could see how you felt about him.”
“I … knew of him before I met him. He’s written books, you know, about his adventures in the East. He is interested in medicines used in countries remote from us. He believes we in the Western world shut our ears and eyes to Eastern methods. He thinks we should explore every avenue, leave nothing to chance.”
“I can see how he’s got through to you. You sort of glow when you talk of him.”
“Glow?”
“Well, I’m not much good with words. But your eyes shine and there’s something in your voice. I can see he got through to you like he did to Henrietta.”
“It was because of what I’d heard of him. I wanted to find out if it was all true.”
“I reckon he was a good doctor all right. Not the sort Dr. Fenwick is.
Now he’s a good man, and that other, he’s not what you’d call a good man. He wouldn’t only be finding out about medicines, but customs and things. “
“He lived among them. It was the only way he could get to know them, the only way he could make his discoveries.”
“And we know what some of their ways are. He’s all man, that’s what I’d say of him. He’s got a real opinion of himself. He thinks we’re all here for him to make use of. I could see what he was doing to Henrietta.”
“I can’t believe she would lie to me. If she were going to him she would have said so.”
Eliza shook her head.
“No,” she said emphatically.
“She knew how you felt about him.”
“I never mentioned my feelings about him.”
“You didn’t have to. She knew because she felt it all herself, and when she went off with him, she didn’t want you to know because she thought it would hurt you. So she made up this tale about marrying the Frenchman.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“That’s what she’d do. She turned away from what was painful. She wouldn’t have hurt you for the world. She didn’t want you to know she’d got the prize … ” Cos that’s how she’d see it. She’s gone to him. Gawd help her. It won’t last. She’s not the sort to keep him content. He had his eyes on you. You were more serious. I could see he was watching you. Then I suppose she was easier. She was ready to drop into his arms. I know men; I know women. You be thankful for what you’ve got. You’ve got a choice. Dr. Fenwick and a good life with little ‘uns, which is what you want to lay that other little ‘un to rest, which you won’t really do until you’ve got another. You’re the kind of woman that wants ‘em, as I’ve told you before. If you’ve got any sense and I do think you’ve got some you’ll take Dr. Fenwick.