“I’ve decided it doesn’t matter,” she told Dena over dinner Saturday night.
“What doesn’t?”
“That I can’t separate thoughts of being submissive from thoughts of Daniel.”
“That sounds like progress.”
They were sitting at Julie’s kitchen table, eating chicken salads. Julie had thought of asking Sasha to join them, but decided at the last minute that Sasha wasn’t in the right frame of mind yet. If Sasha were with them, Julie feared she wouldn’t be able to speak freely with Dena.
“Really?” Julie asked. “Progress?”
“You’ve only been submissive to Daniel, so of course you find it difficult to separate them. And, frankly, until you do, you might not be able to.”
Julie’s fork slipped from her hand and clanked against her bowl. “Submit to someone else? That isn’t where I saw this conversation going.”
“Then you have to ask yourself if it matters.” Dena shrugged. “Sounds like you’ve made up your mind it doesn’t.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Julie knew there was no way she’d even entertain thoughts of submitting to someone else.
“You know, I’m thinking,” Dena said. She took a bite of salad and chewed before continuing. “What if you watched?”
“Watched what?”
“A scene. I could arrange it.” Dena’s face lit up as she talked. “I can get a Dom to play and let you watch. Could you do that, you think? Watch me in a scene?”
Julie found it hard to believe she was even having this conversation. More than that, was she seriously considering it? “I don’t know.”
“I think before you go any further, you should explore the dynamics a bit more. It could be very helpful to actually see what it looks like for a submissive to place herself before a Dominant. For a Dominant to control that submissive. Pretty hard to do when you’re the one on your knees and if you’re like me, you have no desire to be the one in control.”
It made sense when Dena put it that way. Julie shifted in her seat. Didn’t she owe it to herself to make an informed decision? Even if that meant watching?
The next Saturday night Julie rode to Jeff’s house with Dena. Dena’s mood was somber, though she tried to hide it with little smiles and subtle teases. As they drove closer to their destination, she gave up and stopped talking altogether.
“You know,” Julie said, “you don’t have to do this.”
Dena’s expression went from borderline anxious to resolved in a flash. “I do. You need to see it before you make your mind up. See that it’s so much more than kinky sex. It’s more than a physical need—it’s emotional and mental, too.”
Julie decided not to think too much about the fact that she’d be watching her friend and a man she barely knew engage in BDSM play. Dena said she needed to see a scene from both perspectives and that the best way to do that would be to watch.
“Why Jeff?” Julie asked. Whenever she thought about the dark Dominant, she remembered his commanding voice as he presided over the meeting and his dispassionate manner as he spoke about Peter’s punishment.
“Why not?” Dena asked. “He’s available. He’s an excellent Dom. Besides, Cole left, and even if he hadn’t, I wouldn’t pick him—”
“Why not?”
“Cole is, um . . .” She seemed to be having a hard time finding the word she wanted. “He’s an excellent Dom, too. He’s just a bit intense in the playroom.”
“Intense?”
“He’s known as the Badass Brit. Just don’t ever call him that to his face.”
Julie remembered the way he made her address him as “sir” the night of Peter’s punishment. “I believe that.”
“Which is fine. It’s just not what I want you to experience right now. That leaves Master Greene, who’s busy with Peter, and, well, I couldn’t ask Daniel.”
Julie squirmed in her seat, not wanting to go anywhere near Daniel playing with Dena.
“Not that he would have taken me up on the offer,” Dena continued. “He hasn’t played since you.”
“Really?”
“He might have spoken the words to let you go, but his heart hasn’t processed them yet.”
Julie sat back in her seat, turned to the window, and smiled. Maybe all hope wasn’t lost after all.
Jeff lived in a cabin-style house, set back in the woods. Dena had told her he owned a security company. A small two-man operation that did well enough to support his modest lifestyle. He’d turned outside lights on, which was helpful, Julie thought. Without them, they would be in complete darkness.
“Little bit scary, don’t you think?” Julie asked. She couldn’t even see if he had neighbors.
“Maybe a bit. Just until you get used to it.” Dena’s eyes were on the front door. Her demeanor had relaxed somewhat, and if anything, she looked full of anticipation.
Jeff met them at the door and let them into his house. The cabin look was continued inside with exposed wooden beams in the ceiling and spotless hardwood flooring made from wide planks. Though she’d thought the outside to be scary, inside it felt warm and inviting.
He greeted them both kindly and while he made small talk, Julie took a few minutes to get a good look at him.
He was just as dark as she remembered: dark wavy hair, dark eyes, and though his voice was pleasant enough, he didn’t seem to smile often. She couldn’t help but compare him with the woman at his side. With her blond hair, blue eyes, and lively personality, Dena appeared to be his polar opposite.
He led them into a spacious living room and motioned for them to sit down.
“Julie,” he said, in the same deep, commanding voice she remembered. “This is an odd request for me. Normally, I don’t invite people to my home to watch me play, but I’m doing this as a favor to Dena and to Daniel.”
Her heart raced and she wondered if Daniel knew what she was doing tonight. “Thank you, sir.”
“Daniel’s a good friend of mine, but he needs a woman strong enough to take what he has to give.” Jeff’s gaze grew even more intimidating. “If you have no interest in being that woman, I suggest you leave now.”
Julie met his gaze, hoping to show how serious she was. “I’m here to watch. Hopefully what I witness tonight will help me make certain.”
He studied her quietly for several long seconds, as if attempting to discover the truth of her words. She hoped he didn’t find her lacking. Finally, he nodded and stood up. “Ten minutes, Dena. Julie, down the hall to your left, second door on the right. There’s a chair. Make yourself at home.”
“You don’t have to do this,” she told Dena once more after Jeff left.
“I know,” Dena whispered. “I want to.”
A little over ten minutes later, Julie sat in a chair in what appeared to be a spare bedroom turned playroom. It was smaller than Daniel’s, but well stocked with equipment she recognized. Dena knelt, naked, in the middle of the room and Julie’s heart ached as she remembered how she would wait in a similar manner for Daniel.
Jeff strode into the room with such quiet authority, she sat up straighter and fought the urge to mimic Dena’s downward gaze. Instead, she watched as he came to a stop just in front of the pale submissive. His eyes burned with intensity so strong, she almost wondered if she imagined it.
His voice was gruff when he spoke. “It’s been a long time, Angel.”
Dena’s breath hitched, but she calmly answered, “Too long, sir.”