Dear Ben,
You have no idea how many times I almost deleted this email. Or how many times I’ve edited it over the past couple of weeks. I didn’t know if I would ever have the guts to actually send it, until someone told me last night that life’s too short and that I should stop wasting even one more minute of it. And I decided he was right.
So, here it is, Ben. You asked me a couple of weeks ago to send you an email about what was on my mind, and while I was pretty pissed off at you for suggesting it, I decided that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all.
Here’s the thing. I fell in love with you six years ago, and I’ve never really stopped feeling that way. Even when you left me and broke my heart in a million pieces (you bastard), I still couldn’t stop loving you. And I know it’s probably not cool to tell you that when you’re with Elle and practically engaged and all that, but I can’t keep my feelings bottled up anymore.
Okay, there. I’ve said it. Got it off my chest. Whew! That being said, I have no idea what happens from here, no idea how you feel about me or if you’re really going to ask Elle to marry you or not. I’m pretty sure you’re still attracted to me, given what happened at my aunt’s apartment, but beyond that I don’t have a clue.
I’m telling you all this now, putting it in an email, because I don’t know if I’d have the guts to tell you face to face. I’m sorry I never let you explain before, but I was so angry and hurt when you left me, and then when you just showed up at the magazine last year I was still so mad that I swore I’d never believe anything you told me ever again. I admit that I’m stubborn and proud and that I can hold a grudge like nobody else can. But I can also admit when I’ve been wrong – difficult as that might be to believe. And while I still don’t understand why you left me six years ago, I’m finally ready to hear you out.
I hope I haven’t made this all kinds of awkward, but if I didn’t tell you how I really felt now I might never have done it. So when I get back in a couple of days I’ll be ready to listen.
And if it turns out that Elle is the one you really want to be with, then I promise that will be cool. I won’t interfere or bother you, and I’m prepared to resign from the magazine and walk away – for my sake as well as yours. Because as tough as I’ve always been, even I have my limits. And seeing you married to someone else is way more than I could bear.
Love,
Lauren
His eyes were wet as he finished reading her somewhat rambling but nonetheless touching email. Ben buried his face in his hands, the sobs causing his entire body to shake as he prayed silently, fervently, for all of them to be safe and whole and well. He’d never been a spiritual man, hadn’t gone to church or even prayed since he’d been a young boy, but he prayed now, appealing repeatedly to some nameless higher power to answer his pleas.
It was the buzzing of his cell phone that jolted him out of his grieving, and he reached for it automatically, hoping that it wouldn’t be yet another call from Elle, And he knew it wouldn’t be George’s parents or Tamsyn or Robert McKinnon, because they had all been calling on his office number.
There was no caller ID visible, but Ben accepted the call anyway. The reception was poor, and he had to struggle to make out what the caller was saying. But when he recognized the voice on the other end, he nearly dropped to his knees in relief.
“Karl.” Ben shuddered. “Jesus, man. Tell me that all of you are okay.”
“We’re okay, Ben.” Karl’s voice sounded tinny, and there was so much interference with the connection that Ben had to struggle to understand every word. “We weren’t on the flight to Delhi. The plane was already on the runway by the time we got to the gate. And – Christ, Ben – we saw it all happen – the explosion, the fires, the chaos. It was – the worst thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
Ben attempted to stand, to walk over to his office window in the hopes of getting a clearer signal from the satellite phone Karl was calling on. But he quickly found that his legs were shaking much too hard to support him, and he sank back down onto his desk chair.
“Thank God you’re all okay,” he told Karl fervently. “You have no idea how worried everyone has been. How are the others holding up?”
“Chris and Lauren have been troupers. George has been sick as a dog, poor kid. In fact, we sort of have him to thank for us missing that flight. Our flight from Port Blair was like a roller coaster ride, and he had such bad motion sickness that he had to duck into the bathroom three different times to puke before we could make it to the gate. I thought Lauren was going to dismember him for a few minutes when we realized we’d missed the flight. And now – well, she’s been taking care of him, acting like a little mother hen.”
Ben couldn’t help himself from smiling a little at the image that popped into his head. “You’ve got to take a photo of that because nobody will believe you otherwise.”
Karl chuckled. “Yeah, maybe so. Speaking of which, Chris took a bunch of video and Lauren’s got tons of shots from the scene here. I’ve been trying to do some interviews and writing up an eyewitness account. Not our usual kind of stuff, for sure, but we thought under the circumstances – well, we are journalists, after all. It’s also helped to keep our minds off of how close we came to being on that flight ourselves.”
“I get it. And I’m sure it will make an incredible article. Now, fill me in on the current situation there, and when we can expect all of you back home.”
Karl gave him a quick update on the conditions at Chennai Airport. The power had finally been restored to the terminal, where all of the passengers had been stranded for almost twenty hours now without air conditioning or lights. Cell phone and internet service still weren’t easily available, and Karl had just now been able to get the satellite phone to connect. The airlines, who had their own back-up servers, were scrambling to re-book all the stranded passengers on new flights. Flights were expected to resume on the one functioning airstrip within the next eight to ten hours.
“They were able to get all of us on a direct flight from Chennai to London,” said Karl. “Though it won’t leave for more than twelve hours yet. And they weren’t able to make arrangements for us from London to New York, said we’d have to take care of that when we get to Heathrow.”
“Never mind that. Give me your flight info and I’ll have Nadine handle it for you,” declared Ben. “She and a bunch of the staff have been here all day, and should be back in a few minutes. I’m sure under the circumstances she’ll be thrilled to book flights for you. You might even get to fly business class.”
Karl gave a weary chuckle. “I think we’d settle for the cargo hold on a FedEx plane right about now. Here’s the flight info.”
Ben jotted down the flight number and its arrival time in London. “I’ll have Nadine jump right on it the minute she gets back with dinner. I’m guessing everyone will feel like celebrating when they hear the good news. I’ll text you the flight info as soon as it’s confirmed.”
“Thanks, man. I don’t know if we’ll get email service back up here before we leave, so I may not see your text until we get to London. Have – have you talked to Tamsyn at all?” asked Karl tentatively.
“Three times,” assured Ben. “She’s holding it together, but this has been tough on everyone. I think her parents are with her right now. You haven’t called her yet?”
“No. We decided the first call should be to you, just in case the satellites got blocked again. Figured that way at least one person would have the news and could pass it on to our families.”
“Good thinking. And you guys go ahead and call your families now. I’ll do the same, just in case you can’t get through,” instructed Ben.