I sighed in infuriation. “I don’t have a problem attracting the ladies.”
A quick look of annoyance passed over her face before she masked it. “Is this how you deflect the pain you’re hiding?”
“What?” This lady was seriously losing her mind. She needed to stop talking and let me give it to her.
“This.” She indicated me. “The tough guy act. The hard-ass attitude. The not answering a question and acting overly cocky. I don’t believe any of it, Johnny. So why don’t you let me see how close I can get?”
“Close you can get to what?” Anger was coming up, rising through my chest like bile.
“The truth. Since you don’t want to tell me, you tell me how I do with guessing.” She paused, tapping the tip of her pen to her full lips. My fingers itched to throw the paper and pen across the room, strip her naked, and pound her until the only thing that came off of her lips was ‘Johnny give me more.’
She didn’t know me, and she should stop pretending she did. “Go ahead.”
Dr. Mia cleared her throat and then leaned over, so she was looking directly into my eyes. Of course, I had to look at the slight cleavage displayed in front of me. When she began speaking, my eyes snapped back to hers.
“You use sex to forget. You have no desire to have a relationship with anyone because you’ve been burned in the past. I’d say probably starting with your parents. Whatever got you in prison was a hard life, and you probably saw many things you didn’t want to see, not to mention what happened while you were in there. So you escape. Instead of turning to drugs and alcohol—which you might’ve done but don’t do now—you have meaningless sex and refuse to open yourself up to anyone. You’re thirty-six years old and have no idea what you want to do with your life because you feel like it’s over anyway.”
If I had let myself, my mouth would’ve dropped open. But there wasn’t any way I was letting her see just how close she was to the truth.
So I laughed instead. “Wrong. I have sex because I fucking like it. And I don’t want a relationship because why would I? I can have whoever I want and don’t have to deal with the rest of the shit that goes along with it.”
“What is different about your sister?”
“She’s never let me down.”
Dr. Mia nodded. “Okay. So she’s the only one you allow yourself to feel anything for. Do you think she’s happy in her marriage?”
“What kind of question is that? Have you seen those two? They’re the fucking poster children for marriage.”
“But you can’t see yourself being happy like that.”
Fuck her. I was tired of this shit already. Thank God I only promised Julia this one session. “No. Julia is a great person and deserves all the happiness she’s gotten.”
“But you don’t.”
“I don’t fucking deserve anything,” I growled, jerking my head over to the clock. I had to get out of here.
“What is making you angry?”
“I’m not angry,” I lied. She lifted that perfect eyebrow again. “If you want me to be honest, I want to shut you up by doing you right there on that desk.”
Yeah, I said it. I wasn’t going to see her again, so I might as well be honest about it.
“That’s not happening,” she said, uncrossing her legs and putting her paper behind her on the desk. “You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Deflecting. You want to turn on the sex appeal and have me submit to you right here, so you don’t have to admit that you feel something.”
“No,” I argued, full well knowing I was in dick mode right now. “I took one look at you and all I can think about is what you would taste like spread out under me. So unless you want to use the last fifteen minutes to satisfy us both, I’m done here.”
She stood, and I hoped with every fiber of my being that she would lift her skirt and show me what was under there. Instead, she walked to the door and opened it. “It was nice to meet you, Johnny. I hope you can get to the root of your pain and live a full life.”
I stood, biting my lip against what I wanted to say. She was turning me down. As I got to the door where she was standing, I looked out into the hallway. Empty. “I don’t need help, doctor. But I could give you a shot of something that would make you feel real good.” I brushed up against her, my chest just barely touching hers.
She wasn’t dead. I knew she was attracted to me. Dr. Mia was probably in her early forties with no ring on her finger. “If you change your mind, call me. My number is on my forms. I’ll be sure to give you a kind of therapy you can only dream about.”
She said nothing as I made my way down the hallway. By the time I got to my rental car, I was seething with pent up anger. Gym. Now.
Tonight was the first show for Jaded Regret. Cal and I had been working for the last two days on redesigning the stage and seating for the patrons. He’d had carpenters here, and it was finally done. It was a much better set up for a band the caliber of Jaded Regret, and would hopefully pull in some bigger names in the future, too.
“Looks good,” Cal stepped back, wiping his brow. We were exhausted. “I couldn’t have done this without you, Johnny.”
I shrugged. “No biggie. I like doing it.”
“Have you been in contact with Jaded’s manager today? What time are they arriving?”
I nodded. “Yeah. They should be pulling in any time now.”
Cal grinned. “I can’t wait for tonight. I bet this weekend is record numbers here at The Outrigger. I have everyone scheduled for the next three nights that I can. I hired extra security as well.”
“Yeah, their manager Natalie requested one of the security be placed near the stage.”
Cal lifted his brow. “Really?”
“I guess with their new fame, the last few shows have been a little unruly.”
“Well, okay then. I’ll take care of that.”
“I’m looking for Johnny?” Cal and I both turned at the voice. It was a woman in her twenties with long blonde hair and a killer body. I didn’t know who she was, but I wanted to get to know her. In my bed.
I held up my hand. “I’m Johnny.”
She eyed me just as much as I’d eyed her and then smiled. “Natalie, Jaded Regret’s manager.”
Oh yeah. “Nice to meet you! This is the bar manager, Cal.”
They shook hands and she turned back to me. “I just got them all checked into their rooms upstairs. They’ll be down in an hour or so to set up. Is there anything you need help with?” She looked over to the stage area, leaving us to check it out.
We both followed her, watching as she looked at everything we’d done over the last few days. “This looks great, guys. I have the feeling you’ll have standing room only in here, plus spilling out onto the beach all three nights.”
Excitement coursed through my veins. I loved it when small bands got big like that. I nodded. “We’re ready.”
She looked at me for a beat too long, so I gave her the look that got me what I wanted. “I’ll be down with the band in a little while. Thanks for working hard to get this ready.” Natalie winked at me as she walked away, and I was momentarily disappointed she didn’t give me her room number.
Cal whistled. “Lucky bastard,” he muttered.
I looked over at him. “What was that?”
“That girl is smoking! But I know you realized that. She was practically drooling over you.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
Cal gaped. “What? I know you aren’t blind, Johnny. I think there’s smoke still trailing from where she walked away.”
I rolled my eyes. “Dude, you need to get laid.”
“That I do,” he agreed, looking around. “I never did hook up with that girl the other night. But the next day, I met this older lady, bro. She’s one of those, you know. . . .” He looked at me like I was supposed to read his mind. “You know what they call them? A MILF?”
I roared with laughter before I could stop it. “A MILF? Dude, what are you, eighteen?”