Natalie stopped and turned to me. “Johnny, I know you and Bex . . . hooked up last night. But she’s not the girl for you, okay?”
“I don’t want her to be my girl,” I said. “We have an agreement.” Not that it was any of her business. “I’m just asking if everything is okay because we have a show in less than an hour and no one is down there.”
She looked at me for a beat too long. “They’ll be down there, don’t worry about that. I have to go. Leave her be, Johnny. Seriously.”
Natalie walked down the hall and disappeared into one of the other rooms, leaving me staring at Bex’s door. What was going on? Did I care? I shouldn’t, but I kind of did. Plus I kind of thought I might be able to understand fucked up.
I knocked on her door, my eyes fixed on the one down the hall like a kid trying to sneak past their parents. I didn’t want Natalie to see me. No noise came from the room, so I knocked again. I knew she was in there since Natalie had just left.
“Bex, let me in,” I said to the crack in the door. “I know you’re in there. I just saw Natalie.” My head was screaming at me to get the hell out of there and leave this be. Whatever was going on was none of my business, and I shouldn’t be getting involved. The fantastic sex isn’t worth getting emotionally attached! Leave now before she opens the door. Get away from her! Forget about her. Find someone else to make you forget tonight.
I ignored the screaming voice in my head and knocked again. “Bex. Open the door.” I remembered saying this same thing yesterday, and it had ended in the best sex of my life. I was used to being able to control the encounters I had. She was different.
“Go away, Johnny.” Her voice came through the same crack I’d been speaking into. She sounded like she’d been crying, too. Run, the voice warned. You can’t get involved in this. “I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
“Open the door,” I repeated.
“No. I don’t want any visitors. Please. Leave me alone.”
There was something in the way she said that, her voice cracking at the end, that simultaneously made me want to run and break down the door. “I’m not leaving. I’ll stand here until you come out to play because I know you won’t miss that.”
Silence came from the other side of the door. I said nothing else, knowing I wasn’t begging, and that she would have to come out very soon. Fifteen minutes went by. I stood, leaning against the wall outside of her room. I hadn’t seen Natalie or any of the guys.
I had a million other things I could be doing, should be doing other than standing here, but I was going to see this through. If Bex learned anything about me (other than I could satisfy very well), it was that I was stubborn and hard headed. If I wanted to do something, I did it.
The door finally flew open, and I stepped into the doorway, pushing Bex back into her room. Her eyes widened at the sight of me filling her doorframe. Her outfit for her last show here was every man’s wet dream. She wore a white dress that fit her body like a glove. A sparkly bra was seen through the see-through material of the dress, and if she was wearing any underwear I couldn’t tell.
Her hair was straight and had purple streaks through it. Her makeup was bright, her eyes lined with sparkles like her bra. She looked both young and innocent, and edgy and sexy. I wanted her right fucking now.
“Johnny. I thought you left?”
“I told you I wasn’t leaving. One thing you should know about me, Bex, is that if I say something, I mean it.”
She crossed her arms in front of her chest. I knew it was supposed to mean she was angry with me, but all I could do was stare at her ample cleavage through her dress. “And I told you I didn’t want company. What the fuck is your problem? I let you fuck me . . .”
“You let me? Let’s be clear. You wanted it as much as I did. Multiple times, if I remember correctly. Let’s not start that, princess.”
She jabbed her finger into my chest. “I’m not your princess. Stop fucking calling me that. Why won’t you leave me alone when I ask you to? Do you have some sort of malfunction in your head?”
I grabbed her finger and slammed her body into mine. “You didn’t care what the fuck I called you while I was pounding you last night, so stop being a bitch. I know that’s what you use as your defense mechanism. I get that. And no, I don’t have a malfunction in my head, at all.”
Bex blinked up at me. “I am a bitch,” she said finally, trying to wriggle free of me. I held on tighter, digging my fingers into her round ass. My erection pressed into her. She turned me the hell on, bitchiness and all.
“And I’m a dick. And I have a dick you like. So let me make you feel better.”
She lifted her chin in defiance. “I don’t want to fuck you. I want you to get away from me. Our arrangement is over.”
“Is that right,” I said, lifting the small dress and running my fingers from her ass around to the sensitive skin in between her legs. She was wearing underwear, but they were small and sheer. I ran my finger under the seam of her thong and into her wet folds, and she didn’t stop me. “You’re fucking wet. You sure you don’t want me?”
Her eyes fluttered as I added another finger. Bex gripped my forearms, letting her legs fall apart just enough that I knew I had her. “I . . . have to go . . .”
“You have five minutes,” I whispered into her ear. “That’s all I need to send you out of this room in a better mood.”
“I hate you,” she whispered. “Why won’t you just let me be?”
I removed my fingers. “I’ll leave you be. That’s fine. I don’t need this shit.” I turned to leave the room, my pulse pounding with anger. Why was I doing this to myself? Yeah, she was a challenge. But she was more trouble than I needed just to get my rocks off.
Just as I reached the door and yanked the handle, she stepped in front of me. “Wait.”
It was my turn to act like a dick. She’d pushed me just a hair too far. “What? You can use your fingers and get yourself off. I’m done here. As you said before, our arrangement is over. I’ll see you downstairs.”
I flung the door open and left her standing there looking after me.
Bex
The door slammed shut, the ferocity of it shaking the mirror over the dresser and the little bit of nerves I had left. I reached down and put my fingers right where he’d just been moments before. This day could go to hell. From the second I’d woken up screaming today until now, my head was all messed up. I was in no mood to go out and play tonight. I felt raw, exposed. Even though only Natalie and Beau knew anything about my past, I still hated when I let it bother me. I was stronger than that.
Except when I wasn’t.
Johnny got to me. I hated that he did. Not only did he get me sexually, but when he looked at me, I felt more naked than when he was inside me. I’d known the man less than two days. He got under my skin, pissed me off, and made me feel something. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t wait to get away from him. Feeling something was out of the question.
Had he not walked out, I would’ve let him fuck me again. And I would’ve enjoyed every single second of it. Now that he was gone, though, I could breathe again. Tonight after the show, I wasn’t answering my door. Last night would have to be enough. I could spend the next few weeks touching myself to that memory.
I pulled my dress back down, touching my fingers briefly to the scar behind my tattoo. I’ll always remember, I promised. It helped me remember why I didn’t love again, and why my heart wasn’t capable of feeling. The last part of me that was capable of love had been ripped out and put in the ground ten years ago, never to be resurrected again.
I had to get the guys and head downstairs to warm up. It was time to block out the world and do the one thing that kept me sane.