“Thank you,” was all I could muster. “It’s a dream come true.”
He smiled. “I know you’re tired. I’ll let myself out.”
I nodded, fighting the battle with my eyelids to stay open.
I tried to scream, but it sounded muffled with his hand over my mouth. I couldn’t move. My head thrashed back and forth on the pillow. My hands were bound to the bed, and the weight of him was keeping me from being able to move my legs. He was so strong.
“You better shut up, bitch. You asked for this. Prancing around this house with your little booty shorts on. You’ve been wanting it for weeks. Now you’re going to get it, Princess. Right where you want it. I’m taking my hand off your mouth. If you scream, I’ll blame this whole thing on you.”
I turned my head, hoping to God my foster sister Claire would wake up and help me. But she wasn’t in her bed. She was probably on the couch, as she was many nights when she missed her parents. I’d been her age when I lost everything, too. I could understand it.
Tears leaked out of my eyes as he pushed my pajama bottoms down to my knees, then pulled his shorts down to his thighs. I gagged at the sight of his hard penis. No. Please no. This couldn’t happen to me.
“It’s gonna feel so good, baby,” he groaned, rubbing his thing against my untouched flesh. Well, it had been untouched. Until now.
I yanked my hands, trying to get free. Both tears and snot ran down my face. I had to make enough noise to wake up someone.
“I love a girl that struggles. But if you don’t stop, you’ll be sorry.”
“Please don’t do this,” I begged. “I’ll do anything.”
He grinned. “Anything? Oh, I know what I want before I tap that.” He stood up and came around to the side of the bed so his penis was even with my face. “Suck it.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t. He gripped my neck, cutting off my air supply. I thrashed, shaking my head back and forth.
“Put it in your mouth, or I kill you now and fuck you after.” He held on until I opened my mouth and took him, finally letting me go. I closed my eyes as he pushed himself in and out of my mouth. I couldn’t think about what he was doing, or I would puke. So I thought about my mom. God, how I wished I could remember her. I thought of the one picture I had of us when I was first born, before I’d killed her.
His grunting brought me back to my current Hell. Thankfully he pulled out of my mouth before anything nastier happened. “Time to do that tight pussy,” he said.
“No,” I begged. “Please.”
“I know, baby,” he said. “It’s going to be so good. I’m glad you’re using your manners.”
He yanked my legs apart and shoved himself inside me, his hand over my mouth. I screamed into his palm, pain ripping me in half as he pumped mercilessly, ‘baby’ and ‘princess’ falling off of his lips in tandem. I sobbed as he grunted, muttering a string of expletives as he came inside of me.
He pulled out, the pain so great it made the room spin. “Next time, it’ll be your ass. I can’t wait to try that.” He stood up, pulling his pants back up. “Oh, and if you tell anyone, Claire will be next.”
Claire was seven years old.
“Help me,” I cried after he shut the door behind him. “Help me.”
“Bex,” a voice broke through my cries for help. “Wake up.”
Someone was in my room. It was him. He was going to finish what he started. My eyes flew open, confused when I saw Johnny sitting next to me. Where was he?
It hit me that I’d been dreaming. Oh, my God. What was Johnny doing here?
I sat up. “What the fuck?”
“I must’ve fallen asleep,” Johnny said. “I’m sorry. I was sitting here in this chair, and I just woke up to you crying out.”
I flung back the covers and stood up. “You need to go.”
“I know,” Johnny said, coming around the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to still be here. I guess I was worn out, too.”
I looked at the clock next to the bed. I’d been asleep for over two hours. It was almost dawn.
He stood at the door, his hand on the handle. Johnny turned back to me. I was still standing next to the bed. I’m sure I looked like a hot mess, but I felt like even more of one. He’d heard me talking in my sleep. God knows what I’d said.
“Tell me one thing,” he said.
I said nothing. I didn’t plan on telling him anything.
“Are you okay?”
I sucked in a breath, biting my lip to keep the emotion from my dream at bay. Before I could answer him, he crossed the small space in between us and hauled me into his arms. He wrapped his arms around me. I stood, shocked, for several seconds before I realized my arms were wrapping around his waist. I was touching him. He was touching me. He was hugging me.
I couldn’t tell you the last time someone even tried to hug me. They knew better. He smelled like the shampoo we’d used in the shower and something that was just . . . him. My brain screamed to push him away and kick him out of this room and out of my life.
But the other part of me wasn’t listening.
Johnny
I knew she was fighting with herself over me holding her. I could feel it, and I understood the feeling. I wasn’t overly sure what I was doing, but watching her as she thrashed in her nightmare, echoing ‘no,’ ‘please stop,’ and ‘help me’ over and over again had done something to me.
Someone had hurt her. She was in constant pain. I could identify with that. We were more alike than either of us realized. I was afraid to say a word for fear she’d smack me, cuss me out, and kick me out of her room. I was afraid to even move or breathe. I kept my hands still on her lower back and concentrated on her steady breathing.
I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, but she finally pulled back just a little to look at my face. “Thanks.”
I was shocked at her reaction. Did she just thank me? “You’re welcome. Are you okay?”
Bex nodded. “Yes. I haven’t had a lot of sleep and probably am overtired. You know how your mind goes when that happens.”
Even though I knew she was full of shit, I let it go. Questioning her on it was only going to get her to shut down further. Ask me how I knew this.
I dropped my arms from around her. “I better get home.” I didn’t want to leave, and it shocked the shit out of me.
“Wait,” Bex said. My pulse pounded in my ears. What was I doing? What was she doing? “Would you . . . stay?”
I searched her eyes. What was she saying? “Stay?”
“I . . . never mind. I’m sorry. You’re probably exhausted and want to get home.”
I would usually nod my head and agree, then run for the door. But this time, I didn’t want to. “No, not really.”
“Not really?” We were playing a ridiculous game here.
“I want to stay. If you want me to.” I was shocked at myself. Never, ever in my life had I said those words to someone after Jill. She had been the only one that I’d wrapped my arms around, hoping to protect and love us both out of the life we had been in. Not that it had done me any good.
Bex looked just as shocked as I felt that we were having this discussion, but she nodded and walked back to the bed. She climbed in, holding the covers open for me. I kicked my shoes off and shed my shorts and shirt, leaving me in boxer briefs.