“Depends on what kind of punishment you mean.”
“I think we need to get a doggie bag.”
Johnny
I flopped down at the breakfast bar in Julia and Carter’s kitchen, careful not to be too loud. It was late, or early, again. Between going to Bex’s apartment after lunch and making her scream so loud Beau knocked on the wall, then to work, and then having Bex again at her studio, I was wrecked. In the best way possible. I was off today and planned on sleeping for the entire day.
She was leaving very soon on tour. Whatever would my dick do for a month?
I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else. The thought shocked me, but it was true. I definitely didn’t want her sleeping with anyone else. The problem was I had no idea how to broach that subject with her. Both of us being with each other was like trying to navigate carefully through each other’s minefields. Since we didn’t know what each other’s triggers were (well, we each knew at least one), we were walking blindly, never knowing when we’d get blown up.
It was exhausting. I found myself wanting to talk to her because I thought she might just get it. All of it. But I couldn’t. The words, the thoughts, the memories were right there, but I couldn’t make myself say them. No one knew. Not even Julia.
So why did I want to tell Bex?
Sighing, I flipped through the mail on the counter. I was hoping for a letter from my attorney about a court date for my record to be expunged. I saw an envelope with my name on it and looked at the return address. Nothing.
Strange. I slid my finger under the flap and lifted out the piece of paper. I opened it up and saw just four words in the middle of the page.
SHE LOOKS LIKE HER
What the fuck was this? I turned it over, seeing nothing else. Who looks like who? The cryptic message reminded me of the note in my bike the other night that I’d assumed had been some idiot at the club who was jealous. What had it said?
I slid on my shoes and walked out to my bike, lifting the other paper out of the compartment where I’d left it. I’d completely forgotten about it until now.
I SEE YOU . . . AND HER
I walked back inside and laid the two papers next to each other. A cold feeling came over me, making me shiver.
“I see you . . . and her,” I said out loud. “What does that mean? You see me? Okay, great. You see who? Who is her?” I’d assumed it was Bex, but what if it wasn’t? What if it was . . . Julia? Calia?
My eyes shifted to the new note. Whoever sent it not only had my name but also my address. Julia’s address. “She looks like her.” Again, who is she and who is her?
I heard Calia making cooing noises, so I knew Julia would be up soon. I took the notes and tucked them into my pocket, my mind reeling. So the first note hadn’t been a fluke or an asshole at the bar just being dumb.
Someone was sending me notes.
That someone knew my bike, knew where I was, and now knew where I lived.
That meant whoever was tracking me knew where my sister was.
Fear gripped my chest, and I felt the familiar tingling of a panic attack coming. My breath was coming out in spurts and spots were appearing behind my eyes. What was happening? Why was someone sending me cryptic notes?
“Johnny?” I felt Julia’s small hand on my back. Fight, Johnny. Get through it. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on breathing through the panic. Her soft touch helped, bringing me back much quicker than usual.
I looked up at her, trying to force a smile. “Hey, Jules.”
“Are you okay?” She was holding Calia, her eyes trained on my face.
I nodded. “Yes. Sorry. I wasn’t feeling well for a moment.”
I knew Julia didn’t buy it, but she didn’t call me on it. “You need some sleep, Johnny. I thought I was exhausted with a baby, but I don’t even know that you’ve slept a full night since you got here.”
I probably hadn’t. “I know. I’m going to sleep most of the day today. I’m off.”
She settled Calia in her little bouncy chair and turned to get a cup of coffee. Calia kicked her legs and blew raspberries, making me smile. That baby was something else.
“So what’s going on?” Julia’s back was still to me, but I should’ve known. She wasn’t going to let things go.
“What do you mean?”
“This is more than just a hook up, right?”
That wasn’t what I was expecting at all. “What?”
She turned back, sipping the coffee before continuing. “Sex is just a distraction, you know.”
I tried to ignore that my baby sister said sex, but I couldn’t. It just sounded all wrong. “Julia . . .”
She held up her hand, effectively silencing me. “You know I let you be most of the time, Johnny. Even though you won’t talk to me, and I know you need help getting through the stuff that happened to you, I let it go. I’ve given up on you seeing Mia or anyone else to help you through it. But I love you, Johnny. I know you’re a grown man that can do as he pleases, but I feel like I need to say something.”
I lifted my own coffee cup and sipped the now cold liquid, avoiding her penetrating gaze. What could I say? What was she going to say?
“This girl you’ve been seeing, what’s her name?”
How did she know I’d been seeing the same girl? What if I’d had a different one each night? Instead of saying that, which is what I would’ve said to anyone else questioning me, I decided to be straight with her. “Bex. Bexley.”
I forced myself to look at her. She stood just across the island from me, sipping her coffee and watching me. Studying me. Trying to figure out her point of attack.
“She’s going out on tour in a few days, and she’ll be gone for a month,” I offered.
Julia nodded. “And what’s the deal with her? She’s in a band, which is what drew you to her. What else.”
“Nothing,” I said. “We’re just friends.”
She laughed. “Friends? Really?”
Images of all of the things Bex and I had done together rolled through my head. No, we weren’t friends. I shrugged. “Yeah.”
“So what are you doing with your friend until dawn every day?” Julia’s dimple popped as she smirked at me, knowing full well what the answer was.
“I’m not talking to you about this,” I said, getting up to get fresh coffee. “I’m a big boy, Jules. I’ve got it all under control. I love you, but this conversation ends here.”
“Why won’t you just talk to me, Johnny? Why are you so afraid to open up to someone?” I heard her voice crack, and I hated myself for upsetting her. “Or maybe you are talking, just not to me. Wait. Oh, my god. Are you in love with her?”
I dropped the coffee cup, hot liquid splashing down my legs as the cup crashed to the floor, breaking into pieces. “Fuck,” I hissed as pain shot through my body.
“Johnny! I’m so sorry!” Julia appeared next to me with paper towels, first wiping the scalding coffee off of my legs and then around me. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, crouching down to pick up the broken pieces of the mug.
“Everything okay in here?” Carter’s voice came from behind us.
“I dropped my coffee cup. Sorry, bro.”
“Did you burn yourself?” Carter indicated the red spots on my legs.
“I’ll be fine. I’m just going to go rinse off.”
I headed down the hallway, leaving Julia and Carter looking after me. Her words bounced off of every corner of my brain like boomerangs. Are you in love with her?
I’d never love anyone. Not again.
I burst through the front door, ignoring the interested looks of whoever was hanging out here. I had to get to her. I could feel it in my core that something was wrong. I swung my eyes back and forth in the dim living room. She wasn’t in here, so I made a beeline for the bedroom that I shared with a few of the other guys. She still slept in my bed, even though I wasn’t allowed to touch her.