I suppressed the urge to throw my phone, seeing as how that would shatter it and would keep me from being able to hear what the hell her reason was. All of the reasons that I never got attached to women were rolling through my head as I got angrier and angrier.
What had I done? Had meeting my parents been too much? Was the reality of being with me as ‘more’ than just fuck buddies too hard?
I wracked my brain of the things she’d told me. Her mom had died when she was born and she’d been taken from her dad when she was seven. After that, she’d grown up hopping from foster home to foster home until she was sixteen when she was raped and saved from that life by Natalie and Beau. After losing her baby to stillbirth, she threw herself into the band and shut herself off from everyone else.
See what happens when you allow yourself to get close to someone, that nasty voice reminded me. She couldn’t handle your life. Shit, she didn’t even know half of it.
I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep, so I changed for the gym. It was time to beat the shit out of my body to quiet my brain. I had to forget that I ever let Bexley Bryant into my head . . . and my heart.
“Are you coming back?” Julia’s voice wobbled. I hated that she was upset over me, ever.
“Jules, don’t be upset.”
“I really thought . . .” Julia broke off, sniffling. “Come home, Johnny. Please.”
“I’m not good company right now,” I said.
“I don’t care. You need to be here with people that love you, not there by yourself.”
“I won’t be alone,” I argued. “I’m going to contact Kirk later and see if I can go back to work at the bar.”
She sighed. I knew I was a stubborn asshole, but I wasn’t in any place to be around her and Carter right now. I needed to get Bex out of my mind and heart. “Johnny.”
“Julia.”
“Don’t do something stupid.”
“Like?”
“Don’t make me spell it out for you. I know what your life was like before . . . her. Don’t do something stupid.”
“I didn’t leave me,” I snapped, then immediately felt badly for taking it out on her.
“Hear her out,” she advised.
“How can I do that when she’s not even answering my calls? It’s been three days. It should’ve been the happiest day of my shitty life, finding out I wasn’t going to be held back anymore by my past. But instead, I turn around and she’s left me in the courtroom. I even let her meet Mom and Dad.”
“I know,” she said. “And I know next to nothing about Bex, but I know what I saw the morning I talked to her. Give her some time.”
“I guess I have no fucking choice, do I?”
“I love you, Johnny.”
“I love you, Jules. Give Calia a kiss from her Uncle Johnny. I’ll call you in a few days.”
“I want you here in a few days,” Julia said. “If you need airfare, just tell me.”
Hell if my baby sister was taking care of any of that for me. She’d already given up enough in her life to be a part of mine. “Bye.” I hung up before she could give me any further inquisition.
For three days, I’d been hitting the gym twice a day, working out so hard I could barely walk. I liked it. The physical pain kept my mind off of the emotional. When Jill died, I thought my heart had been ripped from my body and sliced into pieces. As sick as her death was, it hadn’t been her fault. They’d killed her for loving me.
This was different. Bex had left me without a word and now was continuing her tour like nothing had ever happened. I saw Jaded Regret on an entertainment program on television, her face beaming after another sold out show. She wasn’t affected at all. She threw me away like my parents did all those years ago.
“Look what the fucking cat dragged in!” Kirk smacked me on the back in a bro hug. I knew I was even more ripped than I was before. That’s what happened when you spent a week hitting the gym more hours than you slept.
I’d stopped calling Bex and leaving messages. I’d thought about contacting Natalie but then thought better of it. Fuck it. If she didn’t want me, I didn’t want her. It was time to move the fuck on and stop acting like a girl.
“Kirk,” I said, stepping back from the hug. “How are you?”
“Look at you, bro! You’re even more shredded than I remember! Florida’s been good for you!”
I wouldn’t correct him, so I just nodded. “You need some help around this hell hole?”
He grinned. “There’s always a place here for you, you know that. You back for good?”
I shrugged. “For now.”
“Good enough for me. We have a band in the back that’s playing tonight. Do you want to go give them the Johnny charm?”
At the mention of a band, my stomach clenched. God, I had to get rid of that. “You got it. What’s their name?”
“Lead singer is Jennie. Band is Chick Lit.” Kirk raised his eyebrow at me, and I knew. They were hot. And all girls.
My dick stirred. I hadn’t even had the energy to jerk him off this week, so he was instantly interested. “They hot?”
Kirk leaned over. “Fucking smoking. From Texas. Blonde hair, blue eyed, sorority looking girls. Wear cowboy boots.”
“You fuck one?” I had no idea how long the band had been in town or if Kirk had given them the Denver introduction.
Kirk smirked. “Are you asking me if I fucked someone? I think the last time I asked you something like that you ripped my head off and practically shoved it up my ass.”
I laughed, and it felt good. “Truth, Kirk. Just asking so I don’t dip my stick in the one you’ve already had, that’s all. I could use a good fuck.”
“They’ve been here a week,” Kirk said in answer. “I went to see them play over at The Deck. Let’s just say Tiffany, the drummer, and I got real friendly.”
“Point taken,” I said, smacking Kirk on the back. “You know I’ll want the lead singer anyway.”
“Bro, you’ll want any and all of them. Maybe all at once.”
Hell yeah. I beelined it for the back room. Let’s see if Johnny boy could make the girls feel welcome.
“Thanks for everything, Johnny,” Jennie said, running a finger along my chest. She had an adorable southern accent, and it was making me horny. To top it off, she looked nothing like Bex at all.
“You guys did awesome up there,” I said, looking over at Tiffany—who was definitely hot—, Barbie (yes, really), and Madeline. “The crowd loved you.” I had a vision of locking the door and stripping all four of them down, taking my time pleasing each one. I hadn’t had four at one time before, but hell. There was a first time for everything, right?
“Thanks,” Madeline said, uncrossing her legs on the leather couch. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know. If I wanted it, she was offering. She was wearing a very small denim skirt, a tank top, and boots. I immediately wanted to put my hand up her skirt and see if she was bare. I didn’t even care if the rest of them wanted to watch.
I wanted to fuck. I needed to get lost in the feeling of great sex so I could forget what an idiot I’d been to let Bex into my heart.
“I’m going to say hey to Kirk,” Tiffany said, a blush creeping up her cheeks. I’m sure Kirk would get one of the other guys to cover the bar and show her his ‘office.’
“Sounds good,” Jennie said, her eyes never leaving mine. Ooh, two of them interested. This could get really fun, quickly. I was glad I stopped in today. I’d have my own workout in here and not have to hit the gym tonight. Plus, they would keep me from having to take care of my own problem later.
Barbie said something about getting a drink and calling a boyfriend (bummer, three would’ve been a lot of fun), but the three of us didn’t respond. When the door shut behind her, Madeline walked over and locked it.
“Can you handle both of us?” Oh, she was forward. I liked it. She stepped up to me, and I looked into her clear blue eyes, forcing myself not to compare them to the eyes of the woman I wished was in this room right now. The one woman.