“Do I?” I grip the steering wheel with one hand. “There’s a lot I don’t know, apparently. Like the fact that you won’t kiss me, but have no trouble whatsoever kissing the busty blonde I saw you with a few days ago.”
Good lord, was it just a few days ago?
“You saw… Oh, Madeline. Shit.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Shit.”
A pause. I think he’s swearing, but I can’t make out the words. I prepare to hang up. So much for explanations.
He clears his throat. “Hey, can we meet? I need to talk to you.”
“We are talking.” And I’m not sure I want to see him.
“Please, Madeline. I swear I can explain this. You mean a lot to me.”
Bullshit. He’s a frigging liar.
Then why do I hesitate? Why don’t I just send him to hell?
“Please,” he says again. “Can’t do this over the phone. Are you at the university?”
“Yes.”
“Meet you at Steep and Brew? I can be there in ten minutes.”
“Fine.”
I’ll go. If only to look him in eye when I say goodbye.
***
The coffee shop is full. It’s a favorite stop for students, and it’s lunch time, so I have to wade through the crowded place, looking for Fred.
In my mind’s eye, I see the kiss he shared with the blonde on repeat and anger is like a jagged rock in my chest.
Coming here was a mistake. I stop, turn around. He has no excuse for what he did, no excuse I’d accept. What an asshole. He treated me badly and Seth… Seth taught me I deserve better.
My pulse is racing. Yes, this was a mistake. Who cares what Fred has to say for himself? I don’t care. I only want to see Seth, hide in his arms, feel his heart beat against mine.
“Madeline! Back here.”
Crap.
Sighing, I turn, and there is Fred, waving at me from a table. He even has a cup for me, and I know as I approach it’s my favorite, pumpkin spice coffee.
I should be touched or something, but I’m only annoyed. Annoyed he decided to start being thoughtful now, annoyed by his blue eyes and wide smile, his black-rimmed glasses. By all the things I used to find adorable.
But I’m also glad to see him. How screwed up is that?
Sitting down, I wrap my cold hands around the mug and try to sort through my feelings. “Hi, Fred.”
He beams at me, but when I don’t return the smile, he frowns. “You’re really upset with me, aren’t you?”
“What do you think?”
“Yeah. Right. I get it.”
“Do you?” I inhale the aroma of the spiced coffee and try to relax. “You hurt me. You lied to me. Why?”
God, I want to know. I may not have real feelings about him—not as intense and deep as I do for Seth—but he’s my friend. Or was. I thought we shared a connection. An understanding.
“Look,” Fred says and pushes his mug away, still full. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I really am. Sorry that I wasn’t one hundred percent honest.”
“Or at all?” I glare at him. “Seriously.”
“Okay. Fine. Look, I just wasn’t sure.”
“About what? Me?”
“No. Good God, no.”
“Then?”
He sends me a strained smile, and I have no clue what this is about. “About me. Myself. What I want.”
“Jesus, Fred. Spit it out.”
He winces. “I thought maybe… maybe I like guys.”
My mouth is hanging open. I really didn’t see this one coming. Or rather, never let my mind consider it, because this is Fred. The guy every girl on campus wants.
“Okay.” With an effort, I restart my frozen brain. “Brandon? Your practice buddy. He the one you like?”
“Yeah.” He gives me a sheepish look. “But I didn’t want to say anything without being sure. I wanted to try with girls, too.”
Girls. Other girls. Not me.
“I didn’t want to use you as an experiment,” he goes on. “You’re too nice for that.”
I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t appreciate the fact he was sleeping around to determine what he really liked without telling me.
“And what is your conclusion?” I mutter.
“Christ, you make it sound so cold. Like a clinical experiment.”
Well, I am still angry. “Just tell me.”
“I think I like both, but girls more.”
Okay. “And what about the blonde?”
“I only saw her a couple of times. There’s nothing going on.”
Jesus. Even if I believed that…
“Madeline. Would you give me another chance?”
It takes me about half a second to decide.
“I’m sorry. No. I can’t.” I feel slightly guilty, because deep inside I’m pretty sure I never really wanted him that way, either. “You’re a great guy, Fred. I hope we can still be friends.”
And the funny thing is, I really mean this.
“I see.” He groans, rakes a hand through his sandy hair. “I screwed up. You found someone else, didn’t you?”
I bite my lip, not sure I want to mention Seth. Not when I don’t even know what we have. “Being friends with me can’t be so bad.”
“No, it’s not.” He huffs and smiles. “Friends. Sure, why not? We can try that.”
My mind’s still reeling from his revelation. I’m oddly proud of him for having the courage to tell me about it—can’t have been easy—even though I’m still angry that he tested his theory on other random girls.
But above all, for the first time since I saw him with that blonde and my world imploded, I’m really happy to see him.
***
I park in a street behind Damage Control and check my hair in the rearview mirror before I get out of the car.
Ridiculous, I know. The thought of seeing Seth gets me all excited and bouncy. I miss him, and it’s only been a few hours since seeing him this morning. I think of his mouth, his eyes, his chest, his hands, every part of him, and a thrill skates down my spine.
As I walk toward the shop, I see him standing outside, leaning against the façade, smoking, and my heart stops.
Oh my God. The weak sunshine gilds his face, catches on his thick lashes, turns his dark hair to polished mahogany. He turns his head to the side to blow a cloud of smoke and I can’t help but stare at the way his sweater stretches across his broad chest and those muscular shoulders.
How is this possible? He’s more handsome every time I see him. Not fair.
He looks up as I approach and that devil-may-care grin spreads over his face, making me so hot I think I’ll just melt at his feet.
“Hey, you,” he rasps, and I realize I stopped in my tracks, mouth hanging open.
“Hey, I…” I stop again when a couple approaches from the street, his hair a dazzling gold, hers a dark counterpoint.
Seth lifts a hand in greeting. “Micah, my man. Ev.”
I recognize them now, too.
“Saw you with Fred at Steep and Brew,” Ev says, nodding at me. “I was waving at you, but you didn’t see us.”
I open my mouth, close it.
“With Fred?” Seth’s voice is flat, kind of breathless. “Today?”
“Looked cozy together,” Micah rumbles, drawing Ev to his side. “He’s your boyfriend, right?”
“Dammit,” Seth mutters, throws his cigarette away and stalks into the shop.
Leaving me to stare at the spot he occupied two seconds ago.
What. The. Hell.
“What’s gotten up his ass?” Micah frowns at the closed door. “That was fucking weird.”
Ev is looking at me, eyes narrowed. “Didn’t know there was something going on between you two.”
Oh God. Seth thinks I’m back together with Fred.
“What you need to know is that there’s nothing going on between me and Fred,” I snap. “We’re just friends.”
She nods at the shop. “Better tell him that, then.”
Yeah. Drawing a long, steadying breath, I march into Damage Control to tell Seth what happened between me and Fred, and how I feel about him.
I expect him to be at the reception desk or in one of the booths, sullenly silent as I explain everything.