Like now, when I worm my hand between us and into his sweats, finding his hot, hard flesh, when he moans and whispers my name. His hard-on is velvet wrapped around steel. I slide my hand up and down, feeling it swell, pulling it out of his sweats, rubbing my thumb over the head, smearing the clear liquid there, the way he likes it.
“Shit. Yes.” He rocks into my hand, bracing one hand on my shoulder. “Fuck, if you keep doing this, I’m gonna come all over you. Dirty that pretty top you’re wearing.” He manages to smirk as he pants for breath. “I think you’d better undress.”
“To save my top?” I snicker.
“No.” He tugs on the hem. “’Cuz I wanna come all over your tits. Unless I can come inside you. If you can reach the condom on the shelf.”
“You stashed condoms on the kitchen shelf?”
“For emergencies. Like this one.”
Can’t argue with that. I need him with an intensity that frightens me—and his hand slipping under my top, finding my breast and tugging on my nipple isn’t helping things.
God, it feels so good. He lifts his face toward me and our lips meet again, his taste heady and dark, his tongue stroking mine until I think I’ll die from wanting him. His naked cock rubs over the thin cotton of my panties, over my sensitive clit, and my body’s on overload.
Can’t… Can’t take more. I try to break away, find the condom, but he twists my nipple, a light, small twist, and my core clenches so hard I come with a tiny wail.
Oh shit. God. This never used to happen to me. I don’t just come from a guy’s hand on my nipple and his cock rubbing over my panties.
But I am. With Seth I am. Sometimes I think a look from him can do it.
“Condom,” he whispers, his voice strained. “Or I’ll come all over you.”
The thought of him losing control because of me, like I just did because of him, is so exciting I moan. My fingers scramble blindly on the shelf overhead, until they encounter the crinkly foil. Grabbing it, I tear it open and reach down to put it on him.
He hisses as I tug it down, over his impressive erection.
Then he urges me to lift up, yanks my panties to the side, and sinks inside me.
Oh wow, holy shit. Every time I fight the intrusion, the thickness of him, not sure he’ll fit inside me—then he slips in, slides deep, even deeper, and the pleasure hits.
We both arch back at the same time. His hand drops to my waist, his hips roll up, and I rock on top of him, grabbing his shoulders for leverage. The movement shifts his cock inside me, and I gasp, hot sparks flying up my spine. My breasts tighten, my nipples stiff like pebbles, aching.
I lift a little, lower myself again, and he groans my name. I do it again, rippling around him.
“Yeah. Like that. Fuck.” His fingers tighten on my waist, blunt fingernails digging in a little. “Do it, babe. Lose yourself.”
I’m close. Can’t believe I’m so close again already. Swallowing another moan, I spread my legs more, taking him deeper, and he shudders. He’s close, too, his body tensing up.
“Come for me,” he hisses. “God, I fucking love it when you come on my cock.”
And I come, his words shooting through me like wildfire. Gasping, I clench around him, again. And again. As he grits his teeth and shakes underneath me, his cock jerking inside me, I can only think that I’ve never been so happy in my life.
Not even when I thought I’d become a first class ballet dancer.
Nothing compares to being with Seth and somehow I know nothing ever will.
***
I’m not allowed into the room when he meets with his mom. I wait outside, in my car, with my ereader and a cup of Starbucks latte. Trying in vain to focus on the words on the screen and read the novel I started last week.
Yeah, no way. Can’t remember a single thing I’ve read in the past hour. Hopeless. So I get out of the car and pace in the parking lot, jumping up and down to get warm.
I’m… stressed. Okay, in fact I’m scared. Scared of what this meeting might do to Seth. Can’t imagine how hard it must be to reconcile his feelings about his mom. His love for her, his sadness, the anger that consumed him for years, the bitterness that seeped into his mind… How did her confession change the way he sees her?
And as if that isn’t complicated enough, what she tells him now, how she reacts may change things all over again.
I always thought it unfair my mom’s gone so far away from me, that I was practically left with one parent in the world. These past weeks have changed the way I look at my life. Now I’m grateful I know both my parents love me. That at least one of them is supportive and present.
When Seth finally comes out of the jail house, I run to him, catch his hands. I mean to ask him how it went, but the look on his face isn’t clear, so I just wrap my arms around him and we stand there, in the gray early September afternoon.
“Okay?” I whisper after a while, pulling back.
“Okay.” He gives me a ghost of a smile.
I don’t ask what she said, what he answered. His good arm snakes around my waist, and we walk back to my car in silence. I don’t expect him to talk about what happened at the prison.
So I’m a bit shocked when he does.
“It was fucking strange, seeing her.” He shifts in his seat, awkwardly pulling the seatbelt on as I start the engine. “I mean, in my dreams she hasn’t changed, but she looks old now. Too thin, too…bitter. You can see it in her face.”
“She did bad things,” I mutter. “Makes sense.”
“She insists she didn’t think much about me and Shane—for years. Fucking years. Always high on one drug or another. Never living in the present.” His good hand taps on his leg, fingers drumming. “Trying to escape the truth, I guess.”
I reach over, squeeze his hand. “Yeah.”
“She apologized. As if her apologies could cut it. Dammit.” He knocks his elbow into the window. “She has no idea.”
God, can’t bear to hear him so sad. “Maybe we shouldn’t have come.”
“No.” He sighs. “No, it was good. I’m glad I saw her.”
“Really? Should I believe you?”
He sends me a quick smile. “Yeah. Put some ghosts to rest. And she said…” He swallows, the knot in his throat bobbing. “Said she loves me. Maybe it’s bullshit, you know? Maybe it means nothing to her, but it does to me. Needed to hear it.”
I get that. And then I think to myself, if he could do this, find the courage to face his demons, then I can damn well call my mom and tell her about the change in my studies.
Comes with the territory of being the girl of one of the bravest people I know.
***
“Whatcha doing, babe? Isn’t it too early for coffee?”
Seth has me cornered against the kitchen counter, trapping me with his hips and his one good arm. Can’t believe the action this kitchen has seen in the past weeks. This apartment.
This body. This heart.
I turn against him, our bodies aligning, pressing together, his hard length digging into my stomach.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I whisper.
The only light on is a small lamp on the kitchen table. Outside the window, dawn hasn’t broken yet.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
I smile up at him. “Nothing’s wrong. My mind was too busy to let me sleep, I guess.”
“Busy with what?”
“Everything that has happened. The changes in my life.” I wink at him. “You.”
“So I’m the one not letting you sleep?” He seems pleased by that. Maybe it’s because I rise on tiptoe to kiss him. “I can help you take your mind off things,” he whispers.
“Hm-mm.” I brush my mouth over his, and he groans.
“Fuck, babe.” He grabs my hip, pushes me up until I’m sitting on the counter. Then he tugs on my sleeping shorts and panties, tearing a seam in the process.
I don’t care. All I care about are his hands on me, his desire for me. He’s lifting my top now, and I raise my arms, helping him get it off me.
“Perfect,” he breathes. He pushes down his briefs and his hard-on bumps against my hip. “So sexy.”
I wrap my legs around his lean hipbones, my arms around his neck, and grin at him. “Hi, handsome.”
“So you think I’m handsome?”
Like he has to ask. “Yep. And hot. And amazing in every way.” I lick my lips when his eyes turn dark with arousal and something else, something that looks like joy. “Take me. Need you.”