On the way we met Crispin again.
“We’re going to Jennings’ farm,” James told him.
“Trouble with a roof.”
“I see,” said Crispin.
“Good day,” and he left us.
It was the following day. I had been down to the cottages to see Mary Wilbur, who had scalded her arm while working in the St. Aubyn kitchen.
Crispin was riding towards me.
“Good morning,” he said.
“How is Mrs. Wilbur?”
“She’s a little shocked,” I answered.
“She has been rather badly scalded.”
“I looked in at the office and Perrin told me where you had gone.”
I was expecting him to ride on but he did not.
Instead he said: “I’d like to know how you are getting on. I was wondering if we might have lunch somewhere together … somewhere we could talk more easily. Would you care to do that?”
I usually brought a sandwich with me and ate it in the office. I could always make myself a cup of tea or coffee in James’s kitchen. James was often out of the office but if he were in he joined me.
I said: “That would be very agreeable.”
“There’s a place I know on the Devizes road. Let’s go that way and you can tell me how things really are.”
I felt elated. There were times when I believed Aunt Sophie’s initial reaction to his offer of a post on the estate was right and that he had done it because he did not want me to go away. My pleasure now was in his interest which occasionally I felt to be there; but at other times I believed my work was necessary and he felt nothing but indifference towards me. But since he had asked me to lunch I did begin to wonder whether there might be a little truth in what Aunt Sophie had thought.
The way led past Barrow Wood and that place must always affect me deeply. Neither of us spoke as we rode by it. The trees looked sombre and through them I caught a glimpse of one of the graves. I thought: I shall never forget. It was indelibly imprinted on my mind and it always would be.
Crispin was saying, “The inn I’m thinking of is the Little Vixen. Have you seen it? There’s a signpost of a very appealing little fox outside.”
“I think I know it. It stands back from the road.”
They have good stabling there and they do a simple but wholesome lunch. ”
He was right. It was very wholesome. We ordered ham.
They cure it themselves,” said Crispin. They keep a small farm and run it well. They grow their own vegetables.”
With the ham we had lettuce, tomatoes and potatoes baked in their jackets.
He asked if I would like wine or cider and I said that wine would make me rather sleepy perhaps and I must work that afternoon.
He smiled and said. That applies to us both. Let’s go for the cider. ”
When the food was served he said, “Now tell me how the work is really going.”
“Very well, thank you. Mr. Perrin is very kind and helpful.”
“I have noticed that you work well together.”
I looked at him steadily and said: “Yet sometimes, I feel…”
“What do you feel?” he asked.
“Mrs. Merret helped her husband as many wives might. It was not really her own job, one might say. She was just … an adjunct.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“I don’t think she would be flattered if she heard that.”
“I know she was very popular and things ran smoothly, but sometimes I feel this work that I am doing was really created … well, to give me something to do.”
“You mean there isn’t enough to keep you occupied?”
“I have been occupied, but sometimes I think it might be a little contrived. I mean, do you really want someone going round the estate to discover that Mrs. Penn prefers jam sandwich to seed cake?”
“Is that what you have discovered?”
“It is one of the things, yes.”
He started to laugh.
“It may seem amusing,” I said hastily, ‘but I should like to know frankly whether what I am doing is really worthwhile or whether . you were taking pity on me. You knew I wanted to do something. “
“Your aunt did not want you to go away.”
“No. And I did not want to stay to be a burden to her.”
“A burden? I’ve always thought she was overjoyed to have you with her.”
“She is not a rich woman.”
“I did not know she was in financial difficulties.”
“She is not. She is quite comfortably off.”
“Then why should you be a burden?”
“It is …”
“Your pride?” he asked.
“If you like, yes. I have a little money of my own. My mother’s house was sold, which was to pay for my schooling. However, my father did that and the money was invested and provides a small income for me.”
“So you have your independence,” he said.
“But village life was a little dull for you.”
“One wants to do something. You have the estate. You are very well occupied. Can you understand that I want to do something more than arrange flowers and sew for the needy?”
“I understand perfectly.”
Tell me about the work I am doing. “
“It is more suitable for you than being governess to some squalling brat.”
“Well-brought-up children are not brats and I should think they rarely squall.”
“It’s an undignified position for a proud young woman, and I could not allow you to be in such circumstances if fi could help it. ”
” You not allow it? ”
” I was mindful of the effect it would have on you. Believe! me, it would be quite wrong for you. “
“How could you know?”
“Put it down to experience of the world. I have always felt governesses and ladies’ companions have sad lives. They depend on the moods of children and very often demanding old people. No, I said, that is not the life for Frederica Hammond. “
“So you created this job for her?”
“It is a job that is well worth doing. Mrs. Merret proved l that, and since we were losing her, it occurred to me that I you could very happily follow in her footsteps. I did not’ have to create this job.
It was there and, miraculously, you I were there too to fill it. ” I looked at him searchingly and he smiled. Then suddenly he put his hand across the table and took mine. He patted it gently. I ” I suppose,” he said, ” I have a special interest in you. “
“You mean because of Barrow Wood?”
“Perhaps,” he answered. He released my hand as though he were rather embarrassed to find himself holding it.
“Does it still bother you?” he went on.
“At times I remember.”
“For instance, this morning, going past?”
“Yes.”
“One of these days you and I will go there. We will stand there -where it happened-and exorcize the memory. You must forget it.”
“I don’t think I ever shall completely.”
“Well, it didn’t happen, did it?”
“He killed himself,” I said.
“He was unbalanced. You can’t judge those people by ordinary standards. It was best the way it happened. Look at the change at the Bell House. Mrs. Archie Grindle is, a happily married woman. So is Rachel. Good came out of evil. Look at it that way.”
“I suppose you are right.”
“And now I am going to make you forget all that, and stop worrying about what you are doing on the estate. It is worthwhile, I assure you. I am a businessman. I do not do things that are not worthwhile for my business.”
He seemed like a different person from the man I had known, and I was suddenly happy. I still believed he had contrived that job for me.
What did he know about the lot of governesses and companions? Very little, I was sure. He had found this for me because he wanted to keep me there.