RUTH. No. Thank you. It was your idea.
They eat.
So what is it you’re doing tonight?
He puts a load of food in his mouth. He waits to chew it all, indicating his mouth is the reason he isn’t answering. She smiles at it. Eventually he swallows and answers.
ADAM. What’s that?
RUTH. What are you guys up to tonight?
ADAM. Oh. Just the normal, probably.
He puts more food in his mouth.
RUTH. That’ll be nice.
ADAM (with his mouth full). Yeah.
They eat. Silence.
RUTH. We should’ve got some peppers or something. Spice it all up a bit.
ADAM. It’s fine.
They eat. Silence.
RUTH. So is it just down The Prince?
He gets up. During the following, he goes over and puts a CD on.
ADAM. It’s Robert’s birthday isn’t it? You know what he’s like.
RUTH. He’s such a twat.
ADAM. Yeah. I know. But he’s a mate.
RUTH. Well he’s never very nice to you.
ADAM. Yes he is. And he had a big one last year didn’t he. Which I think that’s why he wanted to do a big one again this year. I think it’s hitting twenty-six.
RUTH. Really?
ADAM. Yeah.
RUTH. That’s weird.
ADAM. No it’s not.
Music from four years ago starts and plays beneath the following. He returns to his seat and eats. She eats.
He’s got a new job. Did I tell you?
RUTH. Yeah. It’s great.
ADAM. Yeah.
They eat. Music.
RUTH. Are you gonna have to go clubbing again?
ADAM. One minute.
He leaves the stage. A beat. She doesn’t eat. He returns with the bottle of salad cream.
What was that?
RUTH. Are they gonna make you go clubbing?
ADAM. Erm. Maybe. I dunno. You know what he’s like.
RUTH. God…
ADAM. I know… I know… Maybe I’ll just come home early…
He squirts salad cream over his food. She squirts it into a puddle at the side of her plate.
But then, I guess, it is his birthday…
RUTH. You could get him to go somewhere else.
ADAM. Yeah. But it’s his birthday though isn’t it? You know what he’s like.
RUTH. How d’you mean?
ADAM. He’s just annoying isn’t he.
RUTH. Yeah. I bet you wish you could just stay in and watch Mad Men.
ADAM. Yeah…
They eat.
But if it’s his birthday, I kind of have to go don’t I? It’s like – on my birthday – what if he’d made us go clubbing. It’s like him phoning us and insisting we went clubbing. After you’d booked the lane and everything. It’s the same.
RUTH. Maybe.
ADAM. I don’t want to go but if he wants me to go I can’t really back out of it now. It’s kind of rude.
RUTH. I don’t know…
A beat.
ADAM (at her plate). Are you gonna finish that?
RUTH. Yeah.
Blackout.
RUTH and ADAM’s bedroom. ADAM stands in just a towel, wet. He holds a hanger with a pair of blue jeans (the ones we’ve seen him wearing throughout Act One) hung on it, fresh from a shop, the tags still on.
ADAM. Is it okay to wear these?
He waits. He waits. He waits. RUTH comes in, drying her hands on a tea towel.
That smells nice.
RUTH. Thanks.
ADAM. What d’you think about these?
RUTH (hides her surprise). When did you get them?
ADAM. Erm. Dunno. Thursday? What d’you think?
RUTH. They’re nice. Yeah. Very nice.
ADAM. Yeah?
RUTH. Yeah.
ADAM. There was a mannequin had them on.
RUTH. What you wearing them with?
ADAM. I bought this.
He takes out the shirt he was wearing in Act One. She hides her surprise.
RUTH. That’s really cool. I’ll just turn the oven down.
RUTH leaves. ADAM stands there in silence. He dries himself as he waits.
(Calling from offstage.) Maybe…
Silence.
ADAM. What?
RUTH (offstage). Maybe if you—
Silence.
ADAM. Maybe if I what?
RUTH (offstage). One minute.
A brief silence then she comes on.
What about one of your T-shirts? You look nice in them.
ADAM. I’m not gonna wear a T-shirt in a club.
RUTH. So you are going clubbing?
ADAM. I dunno.
RUTH. It’s not like you’re trying to impress anyone.
ADAM. No of course not.
RUTH (trying to be funny). Who are you gonna impress with your dancing?!
ADAM. Why are you being like this?
RUTH. Why am I being like what?
ADAM. Like this.
RUTH. It was a joke.
ADAM. It wasn’t funny.
RUTH. Okay.
A beat. They both look at the shirt and jeans.
ADAM. How’s the pie?
RUTH. Yeah. It’s nice.
Blackout.
A restaurant. ADAM and RUTH look through menus on the sofa.
ADAM. Have you seen some of the adjectives they use? Have a look at the starters.
RUTH smiles and looks back through the menu.
Number five.
She turns a page back and finds it and laughs.
RUTH. ‘Infused’!
ADAM laughs.
ADAM. Amazing isn’t it?
RUTH. And look at number eight. ‘Marinated’!
ADAM. I always think that in restaurants. They have the oddest things. There was this Chinese – or it was more of a Cantonese I suppose – it was near where I did some work experience last summer – I was at the Centre for Climate-Change Research—
RUTH. Oh!
ADAM. Yeah. And they had this menu with—
He’s interrupted by a waiter.
Erm. Yes. I think so. Are you ready?
RUTH. Yes.
ADAM. Okay. To start, can we get the garlic bread to share – the one with mozzarella on it – thanks – and… olives? D’you like olives?
RUTH. Yeah!
ADAM. And some olives please. Again, to share. (To RUTH.) For mains?
RUTH. Thank you. (Studying the menu unnecessarily.) Can I have the Calabrese please?
ADAM. That doesn’t have capers in it does it? Good. And I’ll have the Sloppy Giuseppe.
They share a tiny smile.
And a glass of the Merlot – Large. Is Merlot okay?
RUTH. Yes. Lovely.
ADAM. And a bottle of Peroni. And can we get some chilli oil with the pizzas? Thanks. Yes that’s all. (To RUTH.) I think?
RUTH (with a chuckle). That’s enough for me.
ADAM (to the waiter). How long will our table be? Okay. Thank you.
The waiter goes away.
I booked well in advance.
RUTH. I really don’t mind.
She tries to lighten the mood.
‘Sloppy Giuseppe’…!
They both laugh a little.
How do they come up with these things?