‘Well, yes, I did. It’s not actually secret, you know,’ she retorted. ‘But after that, Gunnar kept asking about Philip’s work. So I began to think he could be spying for somebody.’
‘What did you tell him about Philip?’
‘Nothing, Andrew! Nothing of any significance, anyway,’ she insisted, blowing a plume of smoke at him. ‘I’m not stupid. At least, not in that way. Anyhow, I don’t know anything about Philip’s work, except that he spends six months of each year inside a black metal tube.’
‘You do know things, Sara,’ Andrew cautioned. ‘Dates. When he goes away, when he comes back.’
‘Anyone can stand on the Hoe and watch submarines go in and out of the dockyard.’
‘But they can’t tell one from another. They don’t know if it’s the same boat that goes out in the morning and comes back in the evening, or if it’s two different boats.’
She shrugged and stubbed out the cigarette.
‘But if you guessed he was some sort of spy, why didn’t you tell someone? The police?’
She shook her head.
‘How could I? What the hell would I have said? “Excuse me officer, but the man I’m having an affair with may be a Russian spy; could you investigate, but please don’t tell my husband?” Don’t be daft.’
She slipped off her shoes and pulled her knees up to her chin.
‘I can see what you’re thinking. And I don’t blame you. You can’t understand. You’ll never be able to. But I’m going to try to explain it, just for my own sake.
‘Being married to Philip — it’s like doing something by halves. You know me; I always want everything, all at once, all the time,’ she said ruefully. ‘But Philip’s only here half the year; when he is home, his thoughts are only half with me. I want him to pay me some attention!’ she exploded. ‘To do something with me that’s exciting, or unpredictable. And when he doesn’t, I find myself longing for him to go away again.
‘And yet I do love him — sort of. He can’t help the way he is, and he is reliable, honest.…
‘But that’s not enough. I’m left feeling so empty. And when Simon went away to boarding school, that was it. I couldn’t cope with it any more. So I found a way. A way of staying married to Philip, keeping a home for Simon, and of filling the emptiness.
‘There were… other men… after you, and before Gunnar. Most of them were nice, kind while it lasted, not interested in a long-term commitment. It was manageable, you see? Everything under control. Philip didn’t know. I wasn’t hurting anybody — except myself occasionally.
‘So, you see, even though I had suspicions about Gunnar, I couldn’t tell anybody. The whole thing would have come crashing down…’
‘Which is exactly what’s happened now,’ Andrew said drily.
Sara took his words as a reproach. Her mouth turned down and her face hardened.
‘But you can’t accept it — the way I feel — because you’ve got a wife who does manage, who divides herself up, one bit for you when you’re there, another for her job, and another for the children. Her life’s like a time-share,’ she concluded bitterly.
‘Okay. Some women aren’t cut out to be married to sailors,’ he conceded. ‘And you’re one of them. But, for the moment, it’s academic. You’re in trouble; Philip’s in trouble; the Navy’s in trouble. So let’s not think about the reasons why it’s happened; let’s just try and sort it out.’
She threw her head back, the sinews of her neck taut with despair.
‘I’ve killed him, Andrew…’ she whispered, eyes beginning to brim with tears.
He froze.
‘If you’d seen his face…’
She clamped a hand over her mouth to prevent herself crying. Her bravado had suddenly evaporated.
‘It was terrible when he found out. He went to pieces… I didn’t know he could be like that… All that emotion — it’d been there all the time. And I never knew…’
‘What d’you mean, you’ve killed him?’ asked Andrew, shaken.
‘Inside,’ she sniffed, tears running down her face. She made no attempt to brush them away. ‘He trusted me…,’ she whispered.
Andrew looked away awkwardly and ran his fingers through his hair. He trusted me too, he thought to himself.
Sara was a pitiful figure, her shoulders shaking with sobs. But it was Philip Andrew had most need to be concerned about. He pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and passed it to her.
‘There are some details…, things I need to know,’ he coaxed. She dried her eyes and blew her nose.
‘When did all this happen, exactly? By the time the security people got wind of things, you’d already had the bust-up with Philip and he’d gone to sea. Is that right?’
‘Yes,’ she sighed. ‘Everything fell apart about a week ago.’
She wiped her remaining tears with her fingers, leaving streaks on her face.
‘Philip found out first about another man, someone called Reg Terry. I’d got very close to Reg and let him come here at weekends sometimes, when Simon was home from school. Stupid of me. Last weekend Philip and Simon went shopping in Plymouth, and they just bumped into Reg. Simon greeted him like a long-lost friend, and suddenly Philip began to click. Next day, he started asking questions. He just went on and on, until I got so angry I just told him everything and said it was all his fault.’
‘You told him everything?’
‘Almost everything,’ she corrected herself, carefully.
Andrew’s unease grew.
‘What exactly did you tell him about Gunnar?’
‘I told him my present lover was a Russian spy,’ she whispered, stroking back some hair that had stuck to her moist cheek.
It had been at that point that Philip’s temper had finally snapped.
He’d lashed blindly at her, punching her with his fists. The high-necked pullover she now wore concealed several purple and yellow bruises.
‘For God’s sake! You told him that? What did he say?’
‘He went berserk. Knocked me round the bedroom. Then he stopped. For a time he didn’t say anything. Just stared out of the window. Then he told me to try to remember everything I’d ever said to Gunnar about him, about the Navy, about our family. As I told you before, there wasn’t much…’
Her voice tailed away.
Suddenly an alarming question occurred to Andrew. If Philip knew about the spy, why hadn’t he said anything to the police, or to Captain Craig at the submarine base?
‘Did Philip say anything to you about going to the police?’
‘No. He didn’t want anyone to know about my shame, as he called it. Kept asking me which of our friends knew. I said I hadn’t told anyone. That was true.’
‘But did he say he was going to do something about Gunnar? There must’ve been something. He wouldn’t have left it. Not if he really believed Gunnar was a spy.’
Andrew put down his glass and leaned forward, hands clasped, elbows on his knees. Sara was holding back further tears. Her lip trembled. She was scared.
‘I don’t know what he was going to do. He made me swear I’d end it with Gunnar. That’s what I was doing when the police saw us in the restaurant. But Philip hardly spoke to me again. He behaved like a robot. And on Wednesday morning he went to the boat.’
‘Did he say anything to you about the patrol he was going on?’
‘Nothing. He never did.’
‘No mention of where he was going?’
‘Heavens, no!’
Inwardly Andrew sighed with relief. Craig’s prime security worry seemed to be unfounded.
‘Why do you ask? Where is he going?’
Her voice sounded alarmed.