He turned to see the figure standing before him.
‘You?’ he gasped, one hand clutched to his chest. ‘What do you think you’re doing creeping about in the dark? I could have hit you with this.” He retrieved the poker. ‘I wasn’t expecting you so soon.’
Alain Joubert walked past Vernon into the house.
London
Toni Landers held the small bottle before her and read the label.
Mogadon.
She unscrewed the cap of the bottle and upended it, coaxing the contents into one hand. There were twelve of the white tablets, all that remained since she had begun taking them soon after Rick’s death.
Rick.
The thought of his name brought a tear to her eye and she sat down on the side of the bath, still clutching the tablets, remembering the monstrous image which had appeared before her the night before, called by Mathias. That abomination, that disfigured, mutilated monstrosity had been her son.
She opened her hand and looked at the tablets again.
Would twelve be enough?
She had contemplated suicide only once since he’d been killed but, after what had happened the previous night, the prospect of ending her own life now seemed positively inviting. She wiped a tear from her eye and spread the tablets out on the ledge beside the sink.
It was after three in the morning but the house was not silent.
Across the landing she could hear the muted, muffled sounds of cautious lovemaking. An occasional stifled moan of pleasure, a whispered word. It only served to remind her of her own loneliness.
She had been staying with friends ever since Rick’s death but she realized that she must go back to the States eventually. Back to her own home. The home she had shared with Rick.
She looked at the sleeping tablets once more and realized that there was no way she could return. Toni picked one up and held it between her fingers for a moment. It wouldn’t be difficult. She’d take the tablets then wander back to
bed and fall asleep. It was that simple. All she had to do was take the first tablet. Then the second. Then …
She filled a beaker with water and got to her feet.
As she did so, she realized that the sounds of lovemaking had stopped. The house was silent again.
Toni heard footsteps, soft and light crossing the landing. She scooped up the Mogadon and pushed them back into the bottle, slipping it into the pocket of her housecoat. But, the footsteps receded momentarily and she guessed that whoever it was had gone into the nursery.
The baby was asleep in there, in the room close to her own.
The baby.
She felt tears welling up once more and, this time, they spilled down her cheeks. Her body was racked by a series of uncontrollable sobs which, no matter how hard she tried, she could not disguise. A second later there was a light tap on the bathroom door.
‘Toni,’ the voice asked. ‘Are you all right?’
She choked back her sobs with a monumental effort and wiped her face with a flannel.
‘Toni.’ The voice was low but more insistent.
She crossed to the door and slid.back the bolt, opening it slightly.
Vicki Barnes stood before her, her long, thick blonde hair uncombed, her eyes puffy from tiredness.
Even models could look ordinary at three in the morning.
‘I was just checking on the baby,’ Vicki whispered. ‘I heard you crying.’
Toni shook her head.
‘I’m OK now,’ she lied, sniffing.
‘Come on,’ Vicki urged, taking her hand. ‘Let’s go downstairs. I’ll make us both a cup of coffee. I can’t sleep either.’
i know,’ Toni said, managing a slight smile. ‘I heard you.’
Vicki raised her eyebrows and shrugged.
‘Sorry,’ she smiled. ‘Paul says I should wear a gag when we have guests.’
The two women made their way across the landing, past the baby’s room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Once there Vicki filled the electric kettle and plugged it in. In the cold white light of the fluorescents she could see how pale Toni looked, how dark her eyes were, the whites streaked with veins.
Vicki was two years younger than her friend. They’d met back in the mid-seventies when Vicki had been on a modelling assignment in New York. The bond between them had grown steadily since then and Toni had been Matron of Honour when Vicki had married a record producer three years earlier. The actress was also Godmother to their child, Dean, now almost fourteen months old.
‘Vicki, do you ever think about dying?’ asked Toni, staring straight ahead.
The model looked shocked.
‘No,’ she said, softly. ‘Why do you ask?’
i never used to, not until …” The sentence trailed off as she bowed her head. Vicki got up and stood beside her friend, snaking an arm around her shoulder.
‘Don’t talk about it,’ she said.
Toni reached for a tissue in her housecoat pocket and, as she did, the bottle of Mogadon fell to the floor. Vicki spotted it first and picked it up.
She understood immediately.
is this your answer, Toni?’ she asked quietly, replacing the bottle on the table in front of the actress.
‘I’m not sure I want to go on without Rick,’ said the American, her voice cracking. She clenched her fists. ‘He was all I had. He meant everything to me. Vicki, if you’d seen that … thing the other night.’
‘You mean at the seance?’
Toni nodded.
‘He was there,’ she paused for a moment, trying to compose herself, i know it was Rick. He looked the way he did when I had to identify him, just after it
happened. After the accident. That was my son,’ she said, tears running down her cheeks.
‘No one’s saying you haven’t got a right to feel the way you do. But this isn’t the answer.’ Vicki held up the bottle of tablets. ‘And before you beat me to it, I know it’s easy for me to say.’
Toni didn’t speak.
‘Please Toni, for Rick’s sake, think about it.’
The American nodded.
‘I’m frightened, Vicki,’ she admitted. ‘When I get back to the States, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to go inside that house again. There are too many memories there.’
‘You’ll do it. If I have to come with you, you’ll do it.’
Toni smiled thinly. The other girl got to her feet and kissed her gently on the cheek. They held each other for long moments.
‘Thank you,’ Toni whispered.
i wish there was more I could do,’ Vicki said. She stepped back. ‘Do you want to go back to bed now? If not I’ll sit up with you.’
‘You go, I’ll be OK,’ Toni assured her.
‘And these?’ Vicki held up the bottle of tablets.
‘Take them with you.’
The model slipped them into her hand and made for the kitchen door.
‘See you in the morning, Toni.’
The actress heard footfalls on the stairs as her friend made her way up the steps. For what seemed like an eternity, Toni sat in silence, sipping at her coffee then, finally, she got to her feet, rinsed the cup and wandered out of the kitchen, flicking the light off behind her.
As she reached the landing she trod more softly, not wanting to disturb her hosts. The house was silent. The only thing which she heard was her own low breathing.
Toni paused outside the nursery, looking at the door as if she expected to see through it. She reached for the handle, hesitated a second then turned it. She stepped inside and
closed it gently behind her.
The cot stood in the far corner of the room. On a table close to her was a small lamp which bathed the room in a warm golden glow. The walls were painted light blue, the lower half decorated with a kind of mural showing teddy bears riding bikes, flying aircraft and climbing trees. It had, she guessed, been painted by Vicki’s husband.