“Okay, Richard… I guess you do. I guess you do,” his commander finally responded. “Go and enjoy yourself. Take two weeks. Report to me as soon as you get back into town.”
“Yes, sir. I will. And thank you, colonel.”
There was a quick moment of silence before the colonel said, “Richard, I hope she’s worth it. She must be something. Am I right?”
“Sir, if you only knew,” Ammon said, more to himself than the colonel as he quickly hung up the phone.
They spent the entire two weeks together. And by the end of the two weeks, they both knew. They would spend the rest of their lives together. Of that, they were perfectly sure.
Four months later, he told her.
It was a bright night, late in August, with a trillion stars and a cool night breeze. The wide wisp of the Milky Way twinkled overhead as they lay on their backs and watched for falling stars. Far in the distance, across the great canyon, Ammon could barely make out the yalp of coyotes as they barked and howled at the moon. The gentle wind blew along the canyon floor and moaned among the towering spires, pushing the sweet musk of juniper and sage up the canyon walls to the desert floor.
Richard Ammon and Jesse Morrellay against a small grass knoll at Mohave Point, overlooking the south rim of the Grand Canyon. It was almost one in the morning, but neither of them wanted to leave. Jesse had driven from L.A. to Nellis Air Force Base, outside of Las Vegas, to spend the weekend with Ammon. In the morning she had to go back to L.A. Neither of them liked this arrangement, spending only weekends together. It was something that was going to have to change.
But first he had to tell her. It couldn’t wait. Before this went any further, he had to tell her the truth.
Richard stared across the darkness of the canyon and swallowed hard. His chest tightened as he practiced the words in his head. He was so nervous. No, more than that, he was truly afraid. What would he tell her? What could he say? How could she ever understand?
She probably would leave him. Just stand up and walk away. He fully expected her to walk out of his life. After all, once she knew the truth about his past, regardless of how he felt now, once she realized that his life was nothing but a sham, how could he hope she would stay?
Jesse wasn’t the kind of girl who would accept being lied to. And so far, Ammon’s entire life had been a big lie.
Ammon rolled up onto one arm and looked over at Jesse. She lay against the cool grass, less than a foot from his body, her eyes closed, her face illuminated by the pale light of the moon and the stars. He swallowed once again and took a deep breath.
“Jesse,” he muttered quietly. She opened her eyes and smiled. His heart pattered and sank into his stomach. A great sadness fell upon him; a great loneliness seeped into his soul. She was there, yet he already missed her. The fear of losing her tore at his heart.
Jesse smiled again. “I’m sorry,” she softly said. “I almost fell asleep.”
Ammon shifted his arm, rolled onto his back once again and closed his eyes. In his mind, he tried to freeze the picture of her face in the moonlight. Her smile, her hair, her eyes. He wanted to always remember. He might not ever see her smiling again.
“Jesse, there’s something I need to tell you.”
She leaned closer and lay her head next to his shoulder. He passed his hands across his face, relieved that she wasn’t looking as he brushed the sting from his eyes.
Jesse sensed his mood. She lay there quietly, waiting for him to speak.
Ammon took a deep breath and started talking. And soon, like a great bursting dam, it came tumbling out, washing over him with the urgency of years of loneliness and fear and frustration. “I’m not one of them, Jesse,” he muttered, praying in his heart she would see that was true. “I never was. I never made that decision. It was forced on me as a child. This wasn’t something I sought for myself. I never asked to be put in this situation. I’m not evil, or sinister, Jesse. But once here, I had to be loyal. I couldn’t turn my back on my people. I never felt that I had any choice.
“But now I do. Now I do, for I understand things now that I didn’t know then. I understand the true meaning of freedom. I know what is real, and I know what was only a facade. I now know what is good and what is evil.
“And even were that not true… even were I still to have considered myself a loyal comrade, it wouldn’t matter. My nation… my homeland… doesn’t even exist. My country is gone and nobody owns me. I am free to get on with my life.”
Ammon paused and stared at her in the darkness. She had turned her face away, unable to look at him. For the past twenty minutes she had not said a word, just stared quietly off into the darkness. A cold chill ran through Ammon’s bones.
“I’m so sorry I lied to you Jesse,” he finished sadly. “That’s the one thing I didn’t want to do. I would do anything to change my past, to deny my existence. To really be able to start over. But I had to tell you the truth.”
She lay quietly in the darkness. He waited, always hoping. Were her feelings intense enough now to bind her? Did she feel the same emotion as he? Did the thought of being without him drive her crazy? Or would she tum her back on him and just walk away?
He didn’t know. He could only hope.
But as the moments passed, as he looked upon her staring quietly out into the darkness, his faith started to fade.
“I’ll take you home now,” Ammon finally said softly. “I understand. You don’t have to explain.”
Ammon started to push himself up.
Jesse turned her face to look up at him. He could see the tears in her eyes. It broke his heart to see her crying. He hated to cause her such pain.
Then, with a quick sweep of her hand, Jesse brushed the tears away. “So, what do we do now?” she softly whispered, reaching out to pull him close once again.
As Jesse gently touched Richard’s arm he knew she had made her decision.
Ammon fell back onto the soft grass beside her. A quick shiver ran through his body. His heart heaved and jumped within him. He felt like crying! He felt such relief!
They began to talk. They talked about his past and their future. They looked at all of their options, which weren’t very many, then made a decision. And in the end, it wasn’t a very difficult thing to do. Because in a world so full of questions and doubts, in a world filled with empty faces and empty lives, in a world of shallow loves and hollow friends, they knew at least three things.
The sun always came up in the east, babies can make people laugh, and, no matter the past or the consequences, they were meant to be together. They needed and wanted each other. Their lives were meant to be one. Beyond that, nothing else seemed very important. Time together was all they asked.
So they drove back to Las Vegas, and at five in the morning, walked the streets of the glittering city until they found an all-night church. It was a small white chapel surrounded by a tiny green lawn.
They paid the Justice of the Peace his fifty dollars, plus an extra twenty for the witness. Ten minutes later, they were man and wife. Bound by love and law, they set out to live their lives together. And nothing could tear them apart.
Except, of course, the Sicherheit.
For there was always the possibility, however small or remote, that Ammon’s dealing with the men who once ran the Sicherheit might not be over. One day they might want him back.
And if that ever happened, they wouldn’t ask his permission before they brought him in. One day he would just disappear. And if Ammon wasn’t particularly happy about that, well, the Sicherheit wouldn’t particularly care. He was, after all, their possession.
So, while he and Jesse prepared for that possibility, Ammon had always promised her one thing. He would find a way to get back to her. It might not be easy, and it might take some time, but he would find a way back to his home.