Julia struck a match and lit her cigarette, puffing at it and then spitting out bits of tobacco. ‘Out of all of us here, who would you say was a criminal?’
Dolly reached out and took Julia’s cigarette, smoking a moment. ‘You want the truth?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Ester was first sent down at seventeen. She’s spent how many years in and out of nick — a lot, right? But as much as I don’t like her, I know there’s a shell around her. Dig deep and you’ll just find a fucked-up kid that stopped crying because there was never anybody there to mop up her tears.’
Julia was surprised. She took back her cigarette and sat on the step ‘What about Gloria?’
‘Well, she’s been in and out like Ester and, on the surface, you could say she’s a criminal or been made one by her sick choice of men. But again there’s pain inside that brassy exterior, lot of hurt. She’s borne two kids and given them away — you never get over that. You, Julia, have got all this anger inside you, self-hate, hate for your mother.’
Julia leaned against the doorframe, irritated, wanting to change the subject, but Dolly continued in the same flat voice. ‘Connie’s the same. Few years on she’ll be another Gloria but she’s not as bright. Some man will still screw her up — it’s printed on her forehead. But, you know, we all got one thing in common.’
Dolly gave that cold smile and Julia lifted her eyebrows in sarcasm. ‘Come on, Dolly, you tell me what I’ve got in common with Connie.’
‘Defemalized, Julia. Not one of you could settle down and lead a normal life. Prison done that, it’s wrenched it from our bellies.’
Julia chuckled. ‘That’s a bit dramatic. Speaking for myself, and being gay, I’m not and never was—’
‘You’re still a woman, Julia, no matter who you screw or what you screw. We’re outcasts — that’s what they done to us, made us outcasts of society.’
‘You think men feel the same way/’
‘I dunno, but when you get to my age there’s not much left a man wants from me — can’t have kids, too old, and when did you ever hear of a fifty-year-old bloke going for a woman the same age?’
‘That still doesn’t answer my question. If every woman in our situation turned—’
‘Bad?’ Dolly interrupted, and her arms were stiff at her sides. Her voice was low-pitched and angry. ‘They wouldn’t have given me a chance. Whatever good I wanted to do, without money — like I said before — you’re nothing. Not in this day and age. It’s all that counts.’
Julia persisted, ‘If we’d never tried it on, got you here, how do you think it might have turned out?’
Dolly’s eyes were so hard and cruel, Julia stepped back, shocked. ‘I reckoned there were only five criminals in the nick with me. Well, I was number six.’
‘I don’t believe you, Dolly. You had dreams of opening this place, of doing good, fostering kids, that’s not criminal.’
Dolly turned away and Julia was sure she had hit the vulnerable target: did Dolly blame them, hate them? Would she in the end betray them because of what they had done? She watched as Dolly relaxed, as if in slow motion, turning her head to face Julia, and smiled, this time with warmth, her eyes bright.
‘You telling me with my cut of forty million quid I can’t have this place up and rolling? I can go down Waterloo Bridge, pick them off the street and bring them back. I won’t need any social services, I won’t need anyone telling me what I can and can’t do because with money you can do anything. That’s all it takes, Julia. Money, money, money.’
Julia grinned. ‘Well, let’s hope we pull it off.’
‘We’ll do it, Julia. It’s afterwards we’re going to have to worry about because we’re gonna be hit, and hit hard. We foul up in one area and we will go down. Every cop will come round here, we’ll be searched and the house taken apart. We’ll be questioned and re-questioned, they’ll rip the grounds up... They’ll never leave us alone, for weeks, maybe months.’
‘If we pull it off,’ Julia said quietly, and Dolly guffawed, a loud single bellow.
‘If we don’t, we don’t. But if we do, nothing will stop me. Every single one of us can go for what we want, do what we want, be what we want.’
Julia’s heart began to thud in her chest. Dolly’s face was radiant with unabashed excitement. ‘I’m not scared, Julia, not for one second. I’m feeling alive for the first time since I killed him.’ She lifted both her arms skywards, like an opera star taking the adulation of a packed house of applauding fans. With her arms raised, head tilted back, Julia could see the pulse at the side of her neck beating and felt suddenly terrified, as her heart banged in her chest, and certain Dolly Rawlins was insane. As if Dolly read her mind, she lowered her arms and tapped Julia. ‘Don’t think I’m mad, Julia. If we do exactly as we have planned to the letter, we’ll pull it off. But holding them all steady will take the pair of us all our time, so let’s go back inside.’
She didn’t wait for Julia but walked into the house. Julia, the one she trusted as being steady, had to have a heavy line of coke before she could follow her. It didn’t calm her down, she felt paranoid and sat in the stables, hunched up, her arms clasped round her knees, as her whole body shook with nerves. It was almost ten o’clock and the following night she knew they would be getting ready for the raid. Just thinking about it made it worse.
Chapter 19
The day blurred as they went about their business. A taped call from the signal box had verified that the train would be arriving at midnight. It was referred to only as the ‘special’ as Jim checked the alarm and police-station lines.
Angela left with the children and arrived at Mike’s home at three o’clock, unaware of what was to take place that evening. Mike opened the door, handed her the keys, and said he had to leave but would be back that evening. He didn’t touch her and was distant, even when she tried to reach for his hand. ‘No, just settle the kids in, I’ll be back later.’
She closed the front door, and went straight to the wall socket receiver as Dolly had instructed her. The girls were playing with Mike’s sons’ toys and Angela had a good nose around before she started to cook spaghetti for them. They had been scared of moving to yet another home but they all called Dolly and said hello to her and were told they would see her the following day. That reassured them and they went back to playing.
In a hired car, Mike headed for the manor. He had plenty of time so he drove carefully, making sure never to exceed the speed limit. The last thing he wanted was anyone to remember him so he didn’t stop at any petrol station, and just continued slowly, his gut churning, concentrating on the neat list of instructions which gradually calmed him.
The women checked and rechecked their lists in their minds: Julia the cladding and the bags, and the big machine for clearing up leaves. She tested the engine, the suction hose and the long trail of flex ending at the socket in the stables. The machine would be used to hoover up the money and they had already tested it to be certain that the suction was strong enough for their needs. Julia then went on to check the lime pit. It was ready for the mail-bags to be hurled into; the lime would eat away at the thick canvas, which again had been tried and tested. It was also deep enough to accommodate the number of bags they would be bringing from the train. The corrugated iron slats were standing by in position, the builder’s skip was in place and already attached to the truck so it could be towed across the pit opening. She was less tense than she had been the night before but she had a half-bottle of whisky with her. Connie did her jobs. Gloria and Ester headed for the bridge, with a dog’s lead, looking like innocent walkers, calling out for the fictional lost dog. They returned to the house, mission completed. Each reported to Dolly and she ticked and crossed out the jobs as they were done. Gloria collected the shotguns and cleaned and polished them.