Avraham-and-a-half belongs to the Histadrut too, but he is taller than all those officials and as innocent as a child. You can’t seduce him with words, because he doesn’t need anything from you. Nor does he want anything from you, having already gotten whatever he might want from another source. What is more, he doesn’t need you, either. When he sat with you and listened while you talked, he was doing you a favor. Where does that firmness come from? Is it from the kvutza? We know several young men from the kvutza who don’t have Avraham’s quality. This firmness comes from Zahara, who gives her whole heart to Avraham. Father Manfred was suddenly alarmed. This Zahara, this baby, is a woman like other women. Not just a woman, but halfway to being a mother. And Father Manfred is halfway to being a grandfather. Were we to analyze the subject, we would find…I’ll turn out the light now and try to sleep before other thoughts come and intrude on my sleep. However, it would be good to devote two or three moments of thought to the tragedy. Aristotle says, in the Poetics: One of the conditions for tragedy is…And most tragedians make the mistake of thinking that, if the events are tragic, that in itself constitutes tragedy.
When Herbst turned off the light, the thoughts he was afraid of took over. Though more than two years had passed since he first met Shira, he continued to think about her. His thoughts about her were different, a mass of contradictions. Love and hate, regret and longing; above all, wonder at himself for continuing to pursue her and wonder at the powerful attraction she exerted, though she was neither beautiful nor intellectual. What would be of interest to any intellectual, Shira dismisses with a disparaging twist of the mouth. Admittedly, this gesture of hers often led him to reexamine a subject and reflect further on it.
In addition to waking thoughts, there are his nighttime reveries and the succession of dreams they bring on. In one such dream, he met her one night at a concert hall. When did he meet her? Many years after they had parted and stopped seeing each other. But his love for her still filled his heart. That night she appeared to be a distinguished woman whose conversation with him was purely intellectual, and, though that tends to enhance a woman’s appeal, there was between them no hint of what transpires between a man and a woman. By his calculation, she was about fifty years old at the time, but she looked perhaps thirty, certainly not more than thirty-five. One further thing, her manner was exceedingly female. This led him to fantasies he did not at first dare to entertain. And these fantasies were so powerful that he became so bold as to stroke her skin. She didn’t object. On the contrary, her pleasure was evident on her face. But his joy was mixed, because her autocratic manner was replaced by submission and the desire to please.
Herbst lay in bed, thinking: It was a fatal mistake not to go back to her immediately after that first night. If I had gone back, she wouldn’t have slipped through my fingers. Like a penitent who regrets his sinful actions, Herbst regretted his inaction. Again, the same question: How to explain Shira’s actions? She is welcoming, but she doesn’t allow real contact. Is there someone else in her life? He reviewed a series of men Shira had mentioned to him, as well as men she hadn’t mentioned, whom he suspected of having relationships with Shira. That driver, for example, the son of Axelrod, the hospital clerk. Herbst was surprised at himself for not being jealous.
Herbst was not jealous. But he imagined their contact with Shira, or, to be more precise, the amount of contact she allowed them. In Herbst’s imagination, this took many forms, arousing his heart to the point of pain.
Chapter seventeen
Zahara left, and Tamara arrived. Before Henrietta had time to read about the places Tamara had visited in Greece, she was back to tell about them. If not for his interest in order, Manfred could have left the Baedeker in Sacharson’s hands, especially since another book on Greece now occupied its space on the shelf. Mother and Father listen to Tamara’s tales of her travels in Greece. He suppresses his laughter, and she laughs uncontrollably. Tamara herself is silent, like those Greek goddesses in the professor’s pictures whose eloquent silence is so amazing. In truth, Tamara has not a trace of the sublime beauty bestowed on Greek goddesses, but, when she wants to, she can make herself look like one of them. If you examine the contours of her face, you find nothing sublime there; on the contrary, there are traces of vulgarity. You wonder: Can this face transform itself into that one? You say to her, “Please, Tamara, just how do you do that?” And there she is, standing before you like one of those goddesses. She looks serene, tranquil, impassive; yet whoever sees her is unsettled. Even British officers are willing to change their ways for Miss Tamara. But she no longer frequents their haunts.
As soon as Tamara was back in Jerusalem, she went back to work. She spends part of the day and part of the night with tubercular girls in the Mekor Hayim neighborhood, teaching them writing and language. It is her fervent wish that the girls learn to speak Hebrew, rather than pollute the air of the Land of Israel with seventy tongues, so she stays with them until midnight and comes home even later. Henrietta doesn’t worry about her safety, because Tamara is always accompanied by a troop of young men. Further, Tamara is a strong and valiant young woman, and no one would dare to offend her. When she was a child and a teacher kissed her on the mouth for knowing the Isaiah chapter by heart, she reached out and slapped his face in front of the whole class. They say that, because of her, several elderly teachers who had been in the habit of rewarding female pupils with kisses were forced to give up the practice. So Henrietta doesn’t worry about what might happen to her daughter. But Manfred worries about his daughter all the time. Even a brigade of young men can’t intercept a bullet fired from a distance. All in all, Herbst isn’t pleased by Tamara’s presence in Jerusalem. Not only is there no chance that she’ll find a paid teaching job in Jerusalem, all the jobs having been taken by old hens who sit on them and never let go, but a new factor adds to his displeasure. Rumors are beginning to circulate about a band of young men who are not content to let Arabs kill Jews at will. Jerusalem, a city populated by Arabs and Jews, is a vulnerable spot, where trouble is likely to begin, and an unemployed young girl is particularly vulnerable. Being unemployed, she is especially likely to join this embittered group that defies the policy of self-restraint. Seeing this cheerful young girl, who regards the entire universe as something to laugh at, anyone would conclude that political concerns are remote from her mind. Nonetheless, there is reason to worry; if not because of her, then because of her friends. On the face of it, they are all charming and uncomplicated — so much so that they appear to be spiritually defective, mentally retarded, cognitively limited. Even those who appreciate their primitive quality are sometimes concerned that it may be excessive, certainly when compared with their peers in Europe, who, at the same age, are thoroughly mature. Even their peers in Eastern Europe, who study in yeshivas or one-room schools, seem to surpass them. Academically, this is what we would expect. But it is true in emotional terms as well. Still, the children of this country sometimes startle us with their words, and we have learned from experience that, in our time, words are the precursors of action. Until yesterday, we sneered at grandiose words. Yesterday, we were alarmed and frightened by the actions that followed on these words. Today, our lives are at risk. Since fathers don’t have the power to influence their daughters, Herbst takes his mind off Tamara and concerns himself with others. Man doesn’t control his thoughts, saying to some, “Come,” to others, “Go.” But, in the case of Herbst and Tamara, it’s different. Herbst puts his daughter out of mind and turns his thoughts to others. Who are these others? Since people are in the habit of saying “by chance,” I will also say “by chance.” By chance, he is thinking of Anita Brik.