She shut her eyes, not to see him leering down at her, breathing hard, his nostrils flaring, his tongue gliding over the tips of his teeth like an eel. But even in the darkness behind her closed eyelids, she could smell him, the cloying greasy smells of sweat and peanut butter.
He was walking. Carrying her across the trailer like a groom delivering his bride to their nuptial bed. Above the roar of blood in her ears, she heard the thumps of his footsteps on the thin carpet, the staccato hiss of his breath. They were sounds that might be made by some large, antique machine, the kind with steam-driven pistons. Thump. Hiss. Thump. Hiss.
She felt herself descending, felt a soft foam pad yielding under her. The futon. He was putting her on the futon. Laying her supine with her bound hands pinned under her. Helpless. His toy to play with. His masturbatory fantasy, his life-size doll.
The scream rose a notch in her throat. She gritted her teeth and held it in.
When she opened her eyes, she saw him leaning over her, looking down from inches away. He wasn’t smiling anymore. His face was grave, the muscles drawn taut with what might have been passion.
“I love you, Wendy.” His voice was ash, was dust. “And you love me. I know you do.”
Then his mouth was devouring hers. She tried to break free, could not. His tongue, so wet and soft and cold, probed her with the urgency of hunger. She tasted the gritty, food-flecked pickets of his teeth. Blasts of hot air from his nostrils singed her cheeks, her eyelashes.
The kiss went on and on. It was like drowning in stagnant water, like sinking into a quicksand pool, like going insane.
Hours later he released her mouth. He lowered his head and kissed her neck, his lips like leeches on her skin. Then he was tugging at her blouse, unbuttoning it with the clumsy eagerness of a child unwrapping a birthday present. The flaps parted, and the clay statue tumbled out of her pocket and fell to the floor. His hands fumbled with the strap of her bra, and then she lay half-naked before him, the small white cones of her breasts rising like snow hills against the looming backdrop of his face.
He planted moist sucking kisses on her cleavage, licking the smooth freckled skin, his tongue as rough and sandpapery as a dog’s. He was making noises, gulping, gasping noises, feeding-animal sounds. His glasses slid down his sweat-slick nose. She squirmed beneath him, twisting her wrists, trying frantically to free her hands.
Then his mouth stretched wide and swallowed half her breast, and she flashed on a crazy moment of panic at the thought that his jaws would snap shut and rip the breast from her body like a chunk of butchered meat.
The last of her control deserted her. The scream she’d been struggling to contain surged forward, no longer to be denied; it climbed up her throat and escaped into the open, a long ululant wail of terror and protest. He didn’t seem to hear it. He went on chewing, sucking, biting.
Finally his mouth pulled free. Her breast was streaked with saliva and measled with red tooth marks. It looked like something an animal had gnawed.
He raised his head. His face came into the light. With a small shock, Wendy saw the furious anger printed there. His teeth were grinding, the tendons of his jaws standing out like strands of piano wire. He knocked his glasses back into place with a swipe of his hand.
“Cut it out, Wendy,” he said coldly. “Just cut it out right now.”
She had no idea what he meant and no time to think about it. As she watched in trembling horror, his hand moved to his fly and unzipped it slowly.
Then she understood.
He had no erection. He was limp, flaccid. And he thought it was her fault.
“God damn you, cut it out!” he screamed.
She didn’t answer. Couldn’t.
He stroked himself, gently at first, then with increasing violence. One hand clutched her breast while the other pumped and jerked. Nothing happened. The pale rubbery thing in his fist did not respond.
Frustration made him still more savage. Snarling, he fell on her. His mouth fastened on her breast like a lamprey. He bit down painfully hard. She screamed, her head whipsawing wildly. He dug his teeth into the tender flesh, and this time she knew, she knew, she knew he really did want to tear the breast free and leave only a gushing cavity. She bucked and jackknifed under him, her legs bicycling uselessly.
She hated him. God, she hated him so much. She hoped somebody would hurt him this badly before he was through.
At last he released her breast. Blood streaked his teeth. Her blood. His glasses were hanging from his nose on a string of sweat. He flicked them off his face and tossed them aside.
“Fucking bitch,” he whispered.
He got up. For a dizzy moment she hoped he might have given up for now. But no. He knelt on the floor beside the futon, then unbuckled his belt and tugged down his pants. His fist clutched her hair. He pulled her head roughly toward his crotch.
“Do it to me,” he ordered.
She stared at his cock, still bloodless and empty. She imagined putting that gray lifeless thing inside her mouth. The thought made her gag.
“No,” she whispered. “I won’t.”
He pushed her face into his groin. “Do it!”
She had no choice. If she didn’t obey him, he would kill her. And even now, she wasn’t ready to die. Even now.
Her lips parted. She accepted him. Though he had no erection, still he seemed huge to her, his manhood a grotesque slimy mass crowding her mouth like a second tongue. The hairy bush of his crotch, jammed against her face, reeked of stale sweat.
“Lick me.”
She couldn’t do it. She would vomit. Would die.
“Goddammit, I said lick me.”
Crying, she moved her tongue over him, hoping she was doing it right, having no way to know.
He remained limp and soft inside her. She knew now that nothing she did, nothing he could make her do, would bring him the sexual release he wanted.
He seemed to reach the same conclusion. Angrily he pulled free. She jerked her head away, coughing spit.
“What are you doing to me, you little whore?” he muttered. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Not… not doing anything.”
“Liar!” He sprang upright, his pants sagging around his knees. “You think you can make me weak. Think you can steal my power. You’re wrong, bitch. Very goddamned wrong.”
He thrust his hands between her thighs and pulled her legs apart, then scrabbled at her underpants, shredding the thin fabric. She heard herself screaming. Then he was on top of her, mounting her, grinding his pelvis desperately, humping her like a dog. She felt him in her, the head of his cock tickling her sex, but still he wasn’t swelling with the erection he needed. He would never reach a climax, never. And she was glad. No matter what he did to her afterward, no matter how awful his punishment might be, she was grateful that his semen would not bloom inside her body.
“Bitch!” he shouted again and again, as his legs pumped and his back arched and the silver shield on his shirt flashed in the candlelight. “Goddamned sexless bitch!”
Finally, in fury and shame and frustration, he withdrew. Wendy turned over on her side and retched dryly, tasting peanut butter and Pepsi and death.
When she looked up, she saw him standing over her, his belt buckled once more, his shirttail hanging out in disarray. He had retrieved his glasses and put them on. Rage colored his face.
“All right, Wendy. All right.” He was nodding furiously, as if in agreement with something she’d said. “I guess it’s not going to work out between us, after all. You can’t say I didn’t try. You can’t say I didn’t give you every possible chance to prove yourself worthy of me.”
“I did… everything… you asked for. Everything.”
His hand flew at her, and his knuckles cracked hard against her jaw.