It was a long, slow process. The ground tended to be rocky so close to the mountains, and even if the it was laboriously cleared for a lawn the rocks underneath tended to be left there, sporadically making their way to the surface. Trev wouldn’t say it was anywhere near as bad as the digging he’d had to do for the outhouse up at their hideout, where every shovel strike bounced off a stone ranging in size from the length of his finger to bigger than his head and each had to be laboriously dug around, but it was still exhausting work that left Matt making annoyed sounds every minute or so.
Finally his friend planted the shovel into the ground, glaring slightly as it bounced off a rock and he had to catch it. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this.”
“My turn then.” Trev reached for the shovel.
“I didn’t mean the digging. But that too.” His friend gave him a bitter smile and handed it over, stepping away so Trev could get to work. Trev waited patiently for him to continue, wondering if his friend was going open up without him needing to say anything.
It turns out he was. “We’re still weeks away from planting, and weeks away from harvest after that. We were banking on whatever food you and Lewis could sell us to see us to harvest. Without it we need a miracle or we’ll keep on losing people, just like Price and Carbonville and Helper and everywhere else seems to be.”
Trev wasn’t sure what to say to that. He’d only been in town a few days and he was already feeling the despair sinking in. For Matt, who was in charge of defending the town, losing people had to be crushing his soul even if none of those deaths came from attacks. Sam had good reason to be concerned.
Matt kept going, almost as if talking to himself. “You know Alice begged me to help her dad? During Razor’s attack. I was too desperate to get to Sam, and even then I didn’t make it in time to prevent her and Mom from being hurt. Terry tells me Mr. Thornton’s, John’s, wounds were too severe, and even if I’d helped he probably still would’ve died. But there’s a world of regret in that “probably.”
Trev paused to look up and found his friend staring miserably at the grave as he continued. “I left John to his fate and went for my own family, and because of it his wife and daughter were left alone to fend for themselves over the winter.”
Was that what had hit his friend so hard today that Sam noticed it? “Don’t let it eat at you,” Trev said quietly as he got back to digging. “We do what we can for others, but family comes first. If the situations had been reversed would you have blamed John for going after Betty and Alice, especially when you knew you were probably going to die anyway?” He caught Matt shaking his head sharply out of the corner of his eye, but his friend didn’t reply. “Whatever happened is in the past. You can’t let it stop you from moving forward.”
Matt sighed. “I sometimes envy you the winter you spent up in the mountains. Ten foot snowdrifts and bitter cold seem like a fair trade to avoid having to watch suffering you can’t do anything to prevent.” He abruptly stepped forward, reaching for the shovel. “Here, I’d rather work myself to exhaustion than stand around thinking like this.”
Trev let his friend take over and stood back, watching the hole grow as the minutes ticked by in silence. He wanted to offer to take over before his friend pushed himself too hard, but if he were in Matt’s shoes he’d probably want to keep digging for a bit longer too.
An hour later the grave was halfway dug. Trev had finally taken over for Matt, more out of necessity than anything, and his friend had slumped exhausted on the snowy lawn as Trev resigned himself to doing most of the digging. Hunger hadn’t been kind to his friend and he’d lost a lot of his strength, which worried Trev more than he’d care to admit.
About that time Sam appeared, alone, to take Matt quietly to one side. Trev didn’t know what the petite, dark-haired woman said, but it seemed to be just what his friend needed to hear. He watched from inside the hole as Matt gently picked Sam up and spun her around, then leaned down and kissed her before holding her close.
And yet Trev was even more confused when, a few minutes later, Sam left walking in the direction of the Watsons’ and Matt came back to the grave, looking even more miserable than before. “What’s going on?” he asked.
His friend looked a bit lost. “Sam’s pregnant.”
That explained why she’d looked pale earlier. No wonder his friend looked like he’d just been punched in the gut. Trev grinned. “Congratulations!”
Matt smiled, half exultant, half despairing, although when he spoke it was as if he hadn’t even heard. “She wasn’t sure whether or not to tell me, because she wasn’t sure herself. Missing a monthly cycle or two could be blamed on malnutrition and she didn’t want to get my hopes up. Or for that matter make me worry even more. She also couldn’t exactly go to a doctor, and she couldn’t find a home test to take either. But the nausea she’s been feeling for the last few days on top of all the other signs seem pretty conclusive.”
Trev scrambled out of the hole to clap his friend on the shoulder. “You’ll be a great dad.”
“Will I, though?” Matt asked, his bleak mood making a comeback. “I can’t feed my family. I’m spending all my time helping the town while the people I love go hungry. What kind of husband and father does that?” He looked almost sick. “What if I can’t even feed Sam and something goes wrong? Or what if it’s already too late after going hungry for so long and she doesn’t have the strength to carry a baby to term? She’s so tiny.”
Even though his friend looked torn apart by worry, and certainly seemed to be tearing himself apart by all the grim possibilities, Trev couldn’t help but notice that a smile kept fighting to lift the corners of his mouth, and his eyes had a new life in them. He had to wonder if Sam had broken the news now to lift his spirits.
As Matt’s friend it was his job to do what he could for that too. “Sam’s stronger than she looks,” he said, clapping his friend on the shoulder again. “And things aren’t all on your shoulders. Do what you need to for your family and the town will sort itself out. And you’re not alone, either. I’ll talk to Lewis about taking you hunting with him at the spots Jane showed him. And we’ll all be working on our crops together. Things will work out, and I’m not just saying that.”
“Yeah.” His friend finally let a smile break through. “Yeah. I’m going to be a father.”
Trev slapped him on the back. “I’ve got this. Go be with Sam.” He took out the bag of wheat he’d poured earlier. “And while you’re at the Watsons, could you give this to Chauncey for Alice without letting him know who it’s from?”
Chapter Sixteen
Tidings
The weeks passed quickly once Trev got settled in at the shelter with his cousin and the Larsons, who quickly came to feel like family. And day after day he fell into a routine that was in many ways much more rigorous than the life they’d had at the hideout, but also more satisfying. It felt like they were living rather than just staying alive.
At first he’d been afraid that Mandy’s false accusations from the previous fall would still hang over him like a specter, and he did hear a few unpleasant snatches from the gossip circles and got some odd looks as he passed people. But either Mandy had ruined her own credibility or Trev’s service to the town spoke to his character, because no one ever challenged him on it and people treated him politely, and even with a good deal of respect.
Over time he managed to get the roadblocks into a bit more order, more through example than through leadership. It helped that he talked to Catherine about the charity and got the gossip circles doing something more useful than sitting around in the chill. There were always things to be done, clothes to be washed and mended among other chores, and if they took more energy the Mayor also had a bit more food to give out.