"He says our father molested us as children."
Rob was numb for a moment. He'd never met Kara's father. He died before she came to New York.
"Good Lord, is that… is that true?"
"No!" she said through her teeth. "Never!"
"Then what's the problem?"
Kara went through her conversation with Dr. Gates almost word by word. Rob listened with growing alarm, piecing together the picture, sensing what was coming and not wanting to hear it.
Finally, toward the end, Kara seemed to run out of steam. To spare her further torture, Rob finished it for her.
"So you're afraid you might have a second personality, too, this 'Janine,' hiding inside of you."
Kara shrugged. "Yes and no. I know Ingrid was lying about my father, I just know it! But do I know it? I don't know what I really know anymore! Am I talking complete nonsense or does any of that make sense to you?"
Rob reached out and put his hands over hers. She didn't pull it away.
"It makes sense. I just don't know how to help you. I wish I did."
She got up and walked past him. A few steps and she was in the living room. Rob turned in his chair to watch her as she sat on the sofa with her hands clamped between her knees.
"I've got to know, Rob. I can't go through the rest of my life not knowing. I'm a mother. For Jill's sake, if not my own. I've got to know if I'm okay inside. I mean, am I all one piece or is there a time bomb named 'Janine' ticking away in my head? I've got to know!"
She looked so miserable, so tortured. Rob went over and sat next to her.
"What about hypnotism? Didn't Gates say that's how he found this Ingrid inside of Kelly?"
She nodded. "Yes, but…"
Rob waited.
"Rob, I'm so scared!" she said.
Instinctively, he slipped his arms around Kara and pulled her against him. She buried her face against his shoulder. Her voice was muffled.
"I've got to know, but I want it to come out all right. I mean, what if Ingrid was telling the truth? God, what if there is a Janine inside of me?"
"Don't you think you'd know?"
"Kelly never knew until Gates discovered her other side. What'll I do?"
Rob thought about that. He tried to put himself in her place. What would be best for her?
"I look at it this way," he said slowly. "If you take a chance and it turns out something's there, it'll be painful, painful as all hell, but at least you'll know where you stand and you can start dealing with it. The way it is now, you're nowhere. And you'll remain nowhere until you have some facts to steer by."
"Will you come with me?" she said after a long pause.
That sounded as if she'd made up her mind.
"Of course."
"I mean, will you sit there with me while I get hypnotized?"
A shiver darted through Rob. That could be an eerie scene if there really was another personality inside Kara. But he realized that he wanted to know too.
"I guess so. If he allows it."
She lifted her head but remained leaning against him.
"Oh, he'll allow it, or I'll find someone else!"
"You don't trust him?"
"I don't know him well enough yet to let him get me alone in a room and hypnotize me and then later tell me what I said and did! Uh-uh!"
"I hear you. I'll be there."
"Thanks, Rob. Do you think you could drop me at Ellen's? Jill and I are staying there."
"Sure."
They sat in silence for a while. When Rob glanced at Kara, he saw that she was sleeping. For the first time since he had seen her last week, her face looked relaxed, free of grief and trouble. The way it should be.
He slipped his arm from around her and eased her head down onto one of the throw cushions, then he lifted her legs and stretched her out on the sofa. Her sweater slipped up in the process, revealing a band of smooth white skin above the waist of her slacks. Rob felt a surge of desire, an urge to slip his hand under that sweater and cup one of her breasts. He remembered Kara's breasts, their perfect size, the rosy nipples, how he'd fondled and kissed them and—
This was no good. He turned away and hunted up a blanket. He threw it over her and then retreated to the kitchen where he smoked a badly needed cigarette. He looked up Ellen's number in Kelly's phone list and called her to explain the situation. The older woman seemed to understand and said she'd tell Jill.
Rob decided to stay the night. He didn't want Kara to wake up alone in this place.
So smug. The swine is so sickeningly smug. He's set his little trap. He sees her falling into it, see the jaws snapping closed, all in slow motion. He's enjoying this so much that he's dropped his customary insufferable impatience and is taking his time to savor the stalking.
Only a matter of time, he thinks. So supremely confident.
Makes me want to retch.
Such a terrible injustice that he should be able to continue on as he does, unchallenged, unsuspected. Someone should do something. If only someone could. The situation cries out to heaven for rectification.
You'd think God would have had enough by now, would step in and squash him for what he has done to me and to others, crush him for becoming such an abomination.
Deus ex machina!
Please!
But this isn't Greek drama. This is real life, if anyone would dare call what I have a life. Being dead would be better.
No way to stop him, but must be some way to hinder him, or at the very least, harass him.
Yes. Harass. I should try. Worry his heels, the rotten swine. He'd no right to punish me like that when I laughed at him. Wasn't fair. None of this is fair, but that went beyond his usual mean spiritedness.
Cruel. He's so cruel to me.
I wonder… wonder if it's possible to strike back?
Have to think on that. After all, I've got plenty of time to think. All the time in the world.
February 12
6:45
The day started off with a shock.
Kara opened her eyes in the early morning light and didn't know where she was. Lying on a lumpy sofa in a strange room. With this splitting headache, starting at the temples and radiating forward and backward to her eyes and neck. The room smelled of stale cigarette smoke, and echoing through it was this deep, coarse, terrifying noise. Despite the pain it cost her, she lifted her head and looked around.
A man is sitting in a chair nearby.
Not sitting, actually—sprawled was more like it. Head lolled back, legs splayed, arms akimbo over the sides of the chair. For a moment she thought he was dead, then she realized that he was the source of the awful noise. Snoring. Rattling the windows, as the old saying went.
And then she recognized him.
"Rob?"
What was he doing here in—?
Suddenly she remembered last night. That fellow Ed had been here. She had told them both what Dr. Gates had said about Kelly. Why? Why had she done that? And why had she drunk so much?
Rob bolted upright in his chair, rubbing his face, mumbling sleepily into the dimness.
"It's okay, Kara. I'm here. I'm right here."
Kara gently eased her throbbing, spinning head back down onto the sofa cushion. She felt under the blanket. She was still dressed, her clothes still buttoned and zippered up tight. Rob hadn't touched her. But of course, he wouldn't have. The world's last knight in shining armor had sat up all night watching over her.
Kara groaned and squeezed her eyes shut. What was she going to owe him for this?
▼
"Sure you're not hungry?"
Kara nodded silently and took another tiny sip of her instant coffee.
"Really sure? There's eggs in the fridge. They still look good. I could whip up a cheese omelette before I go. Nothing to it."