"I'll be there."
She hung up, feeling a little better. The foreboding still clung to her like a shroud, but at least she was doing something about whatever was happening to her. She had taken the first step toward beating this. And she would beat it. Kara had structured her life so as to maximize her autonomy. No one controlled her. No one ever would.
Especially not something or someone who called herself "Janine."
▼
10:29 A.M.
Rob recognized her voice immediately. It gave an instant lift to an otherwise dreary Monday.
"Kara! What's up? How's the farm?"
"It's fine," she said. She sounded subdued. "Rob, there's something I've got to ask you."
Rob glanced around the squad room. His desk was situated near its center, surrounded by everybody else's. He wished he had more privacy, but the enclosed office went to the lieutenant. It didn't matter much at the moment. Karpinsky and Reddington were in the corner, arguing animatedly with Rob's partner, Augustino Manetti; Madsen and Carter were at their own desks, banging out reports on their typewriters. There was enough racket to cover his end of the conversation.
"Sure. Go ahead."
"You were with me on Thursday in Dr. Gates office when he hypnotized me, right?"
"Right."
"Were you with me all the time? I mean, did you ever leave the room?"
"Not for a second. Gates did. He left to get some files. But I never budged from my chair."
"So he didn't plant any post-hypnotic suggestions in me then, right?"
Rob was becoming concerned now. And he could tell Kara was upset.
"Kara, what's this all about?"
"A couple of weird things happened over the weekend."
A wavelet of nausea rolled through Rob's stomach.
"What sort of things?"
"I don't want to talk about it now. But you're sure nothing happened while I was hypnotized? No one named 'Janine' spoke from me?"
"Gates kept calling for 'Janine' to speak, but she never did. Only when he called you 'Kara' did you answer him. You just looked like you were asleep the whole time, except when…"
"When what?"
The sight of Kara turning her head and looking at him with that awful grin flashed before his eyes.
"When you looked at me and smiled."
"I didn't say anything?"
"No. It was when Gates was out of the room. You just… smiled."
Calling that grimace a smile was like calling a rabid wolf a puppy, but he didn't want to upset her more than she already was, not if it wasn't going to change anything.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think anything of it." I didn't want to think anything of it. "How bad is this, Kara?"
There was a long pause, then a tremulous sigh, then:
"I may have the same thing as Kelly."
Rob gripped the phone with muscle-cramping intensity.
"Where are you? I'm coming to get you."
"I'm okay, Rob. I'm handling it. I've got an appointment with Dr. Gates at five. I'm going to start treatment with him right away."
"I'll meet you there and sit in like before."
"No. Thanks, but that won't be necessary this time."
"I don't trust him, Kara."
"I've got to start trusting him now. I don't have any choice."
"There are plenty of shrinks in the city."
"But he's already familiar with this case. I'll have to start from scratch with anybody else."
She made sense, but Rob still didn't like it.
"Okay. Call me when you're through. Let me know what he says."
"Rob—"
"I care, Kara. Dammit, I still care. I don't want anything bad happening to you."
"Thanks, Rob," she said in a smaller voice. "That helps. I'll call."
After hanging up, Rob checked his watch. He wondered if he could get to talk to Doc Winters today. He wanted to clear up a couple of questions about Lazlo Gati.
▼
5:06 P.M.
"You can go in now," the receptionist said.
It was a replay of last Thursday, only this time Kara was alone. She had left Jill at Aunt Ellen's for the afternoon. The poor kid wasn't sure what was happening, she just knew it wasn't good. Kara would have loved to have been able to explain everything to her, but how? She had told her that she wasn't feeling well and had come to New York to see a doctor who could help her. Jill wanted details but Kara had managed to avoid them. For now.
Kara had called Marge, her supervisor at the hospital, to explain her absence. She still had some time off coming to her and was going to have to use up what was left. Marge didn't sound too happy. She told Kara that if she couldn't do the job, they'd have to find somebody else. Kara had hung up with the feeling that the world was closing in on her. She didn't need this extra pressure, not with her mind playing tricks on her and her book falling farther and farther behind schedule.
Dr. Gates was behind his desk as usual. His blue oxford shirt picked up the blue of his eyes. His light brown tie was almost the same sandy shade of his wavy hair and mustache. His expression was as neutral as ever.
He motioned her toward a chair.
"Have a seat, Miss Wade, and tell me all about the 'strange things' that have been happening to you."
Kara gave him a brief description of the weekend's unsettling incidents, from her soiled feet on Saturday morning to the message carved over Jill's bed. Dr. Gates listened in silence, twirling that key ring on his finger. When she finished, he rose from the desk and walked to the window. His expression was troubled when he turned back to her.
"I was afraid of this."
"Of what? Tell me what's happening. That's why I'm here."
"Isn't it obvious? Janine—your second personality. She's no longer dormant."
"That's just it: It's too obvious, and too bizarre. I can't buy that. I can't buy Janine's existence."
Dr. Gates returned to his high-backed swivel chair behind the desk. His face was once again impassive.
"Denial is your first hurdle on the road to recovery. You must get over that before we can start meaningful therapy."
"But isn't there another explanation? Couldn't I be doing this to myself in some way? I mean, it's such a coincidence that you should tell me about Kelly's second personality and the possibility of my having one called Janine, and then wham, Janine starts writing on walls. It's all a little too facile."
"You're overlooking the hypnosis session," Dr. Gates said gravely. "I was against it from the beginning but you insisted. I warned you it was dangerous. I warned you it might awaken something best left dormant. It appears I was right."
Dr. Gates' smugness would have infuriated Kara under different circumstances, but the sick dread seeping through her now left little room for anything else.
"But two sisters with multiple personalities… it sounds so far fetched."
"On the surface, yes. But not quite so far fetched when you consider the specifics of your case: two genetically identical children subjected simultaneously to identical trauma. Given those circumstances, is it so outlandish to suppose that the psychological defense mechanisms would also be identical?" He ticked points off on his fingers "Same genes, same trauma, same response. It is logical."
Kara was numb.
"When do we start therapy?" she said.
"Today, if you wish."
"I wish. What kind of therapy?"
"Just let me worry about that," he said with a small, condescending smile.
The sudden surge of anger within her energized Kara. Anything was better than feeling afraid.