"Don't worry. If you hear me scream ..."
"I'll come running," Chris assured her. She watched the light flash into the woods as Jessie disappeared behind a spruce. A short time later, Jessie came back, discreetly tossing her toilet paper into the fire.
"Much better," she said.
Chris watched as Jessie sat cross-legged on the ground close to the fire. She added more wine to each of their cups and handed one up to Chris.
"Thanks."
They ate dinner in relative silence, sharing thoughts occasionally, but mostly content to listen to the crackle of the fire and the sounds of the forest as it came alive after dark.
Jessie washed up their few dishes in the stream and Chris got the fire going again, adding some of the larger limbs Jessie had collected earlier. They sat down across from each other, with the leaping flames the only barrier between them. Jessie held up the wine bottle.
"Enough for one more each, I think."
"It was an excellent idea," Chris said. "Not exactly practical," she added.
Jessie waved her off. "Backpackers have too many rules. A quick up and down trip, there's absolutely no reason a good bottle of wine can't be brought along."
"Had you been packing in the equipment, you might not have wanted the extra weight."
Jessie leaned forward. "But I wasn't. That's what I brought you along for."
Chris laughed. Jessie's eyes sparkled across from her. Maybe that was why her next words nearly caused Chris to choke.
"You're extremely cute, McKenna. You know that, right?"
"Cute?"
"Extremely cute," Jessie corrected.
"Well, I... thanks," Chris stammered, hoping Jessie could not see her blush.
"Not beautiful or anything like that, McKenna. I don't want you to get a big head," she teased.
"I'll try to keep the swelling down," Chris murmured.
Jessie let her gaze slide from Chris into the fire. Maybe a pick-up line in another life, but she meant it sincerely now. Not only did she find Chris attractive, she liked her. And she couldn't remember the last time she had thought that about another person. She covered the smile on her face with her hand, amused at her own thoughts. She could pick up a stranger in a bar in two minutes and be inside her panties in five. She had practically hit Chris over the head and still she showed no interest in Jessie at all.
Well, that wasn't entirely true. Chris's blue eyes weren't exactly expressionless and Jessie knew when another woman found her attractive. She just wasn't used to the wariness that Chris showed. Didn't matter anyway. Why ruin what was turning out to be an interesting friendship? A friendship might be something they could carry with them. Anything else, and Jessie would run.
"Ah... Jennifer?"
Jennifer? Jessie mentally shook herself. When you used an alias, it helped if you remembered the name.
"How long are you going to be vacationing here?"
Jessie shrugged. She should just tell Chris the truth. She didn't know why she was using a damn alias anyway. If her purpose was to see Annie, what did she care if anyone noticed?
Chris watched the questions fly across Jessie's face, wondering what decision she was coming to, what lie she would tell Chris next.
"Like I said, I'm between jobs, so I'm not really in a hurry. I haven't decided yet."
Chris nodded and held Jessie's eyes in the firelight. She dared her to look away.
"Tell me about yourself," Chris suggested.
"Why?"
"Because I want to know."
"Just like that?" Jessie gave a nervous laugh. "Just because you want to know, I'm supposed to tell you?"
Chris leaned forward, still holding Jessie's eyes captive.
"Yes."
The silence continued as Jessie felt words form and threaten to spill. She fought with herself over what to tell Chris, if anything. It would be so much simpler to pretend to be Jennifer Parker who was between jobs, and not some deranged author named J. T. Stone.
Chris watched Jessie's face, saw the shadows cross it in the soft light of the fire. She could let it go, she knew, but she sensed Jessie's need to talk, even if Jessie didn't. And besides, she'd had quite enough of Jennifer Parker.
"Tell me... Jessie," she whispered.
Jessie drew a sharp breath. Had she been standing, she was certain her legs would have failed her.
"How ... how did you know?"
Chris gave a half smile. "I have your books."
"Fuck," Jessie said. "Well, I feel foolish."
"You could tell me you're just a celebrity looking for privacy, thus the name change," Chris suggested.
Jessie laughed. "Hardly a celebrity."
Chris added a couple of logs to the fire while she allowed Jessie to collect herself. Now it was her turn to keep secrets. Jessie had no need to know that she and Annie were friends. No need to know that Chris already knew everything about her childhood.
"I grew up around here," Jessie admitted after taking a deep breath. "A lifetime ago."
"Tell me."
"Even if I wanted to talk about it, I wouldn't know where to begin," Jessie said.
"Why don't you want to talk about it?"
Jessie leaned forward. "There are some things you just don't talk about."
"Why?"
"Why? What kind of question is that? I hate that word."
"Okay. No questions, then. Tell me about your life when you lived here."
Jessie grinned. "Why?"
It was Chris's turn to lean forward. "Why? I hate that word." She nudged Jessie with her shoulder. "Tell me about growing up here. Please?"
Jessie gave a small laugh, finally giving in. "Okay. Fine." Jessie stared into the fire, remembering. "I had a lovely childhood. As seen through the eyes of a child, anyway. It was pretty pathetic when I think about it now. I grew up out here in the mountains and my father took me everywhere. He was a ranger right here in Sierra City," she explained. "He took me camping and hiking and fishing. Everywhere he went, I tagged along. I was happy."
"What about your mother?" Chris asked.
"I had a mother in name only," Jessie said bitterly.
"What do you mean?"
"She lived in the same house as us, but she was like a stranger. We didn't talk, really. She and Jack didn't exactly have the ideal marriage. She wouldn't even share a bedroom with him. They seldom spoke to one another."
"Jack? You always call him that?"
Jessie shrugged. "He didn't like me calling him Dad."
Chris raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
"I... worshiped him. He was my best friend. My only friend. I went everywhere with him, did everything with him." Jessie looked through the fire at Chris. "He died when I was still here. Seventeen."
"I'm sorry," Chris murmured.
Jessie shrugged again. "A long time ago. I left shortly after he died. I couldn't stand being here with her." Jessie stared into the fire, remembering. "I went to San Francisco, got a job, started college. Writing was just an outlet at the beginning. I never thought I'd actually make a living at it."
"So you're here... visiting?"
Jessie laughed. "Hardly. My therapist says I've got unresolved issues that I need to work through."
"And are you?"
Jessie smiled. "Working through them? Not yet."
Chris pressed on. "So you're not here visiting... you're just what? Going back in time?"
"She's still here," Jessie said quietly.
Chris said nothing. It was the most difficult thing she could remember doing, but she kept her words to herself.
"I'm a good listener," she offered instead.
Jessie gave a small laugh. "I've paid a fortune over the years and here you are offering a freebie."
"Still an offer."
Jessie let out a heavy sigh. The rehearsed words she'd said over and over again in therapists' offices wouldn't come. Instead, she said something she'd not yet put words to herself.
"I'm scared to be here."