She changed into clean jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Her hair was still wet and she opened the Jeep window and let the cool breeze dry it as she drove. It was too long, she noted. The bangs were hanging in her eyes and she brushed them away impatiently.
The Rock House was busy for a Tuesday night and she spotted Matt and Bobby sitting at a table with Roger.
"Hey guys."
"McKenna."
She caught Martha's eye before she sat down and raised her hand. "A beer, Martha. Please," she called.
"Yeah, yeah, you and everybody else. Keep your shirt on, McKenna."
"Why does she abuse me?" she asked.
"Abuse? Hell, she's being nice tonight," Roger said.
"But she's not sweet like Donna," Bobby said.
Chris flicked her eyes at Matt and grinned and he pleased her by blushing slightly. But she stopped her teasing there. Matt still had not worked up the nerve to ask Donna to dinner.
Martha brought her a draft beer, sloshing some on the table as she usually did.
"Dave wants to know what you want tonight," she said.
"Look, let's just be safe, okay. How about a baked potato? A little sour cream and cheese?"
Martha grinned. "You're learning, McKenna."
"Bring us another round, too."
"I only have two hands, Roger. Wait your turn."
"If she knew how many damn miles we walked today," Roger mumbled.
Chris laughed. "And you're the jogger in the bunch."
"Jogging is not climbing over boulders and around trees."
"I think you're getting soft in your old age," she teased.
"Soft my ass. I can still run circles around you, McKenna."
"Sure you can."
Chris suffered through three men going on and on about their steaks as she ate her baked potato, trying her best to ignore them.
"Why are you a vegetarian, McKenna?" Bobby asked.
She opened her mouth to give a politically correct statement when Roger chimed in.
"A woman," he said. "I think she was trying to impress her."
"Girlfriend?" Matt asked.
"Wow, McKenna. You'd give up steak for a woman?"
Chris glared at Roger before addressing the questions.
"She was a girlfriend at one time, years ago. And yes, I did give up steak for her, Bobby." Then she grinned. "It was well worth it."
"And where is she now?" Roger asked.
"You know damn well where she is."
"Where?" Matt and Bobby asked in unison.
"She decided she liked a millionaire's son better and married him," Chris said.
"Guess she liked meat after all," Bobby said innocently.
Chris nearly spit her beer out for laughing.
Chapter Eighteen
Jessie grabbed a blanket and a bottle of wine and headed out. The trail would be treacherous at night, but she didn't care. She couldn't escape her thoughts and she desperately needed answers. It was only when the moon went behind a cloud that she remembered she had no flashlight. But it didn't matter. She didn't care.
She stumbled along the trail, her boots hitting unseen rocks and she would have walked into a tree had the moon not shown itself again. She finally found the ledge and blindly jumped across the break, landing only feet from the edge.
So many years ago, her father's life ended right here. She stared out over the canyon into the darkness below. Why had he jumped?
She sat down and let her feet dangle over the edge, part of her knowing she was far too close but she didn't move back. Instead, she reached into her bag for the bottle of wine.
"What happened?" she whispered.
She took a swallow from the bottle and shoved it between her legs, letting childhood memories flood her. Camping. Just the two of them in the tent. Fishing, him teaching her to tie flies. Hiking the trails, she running ahead of him, then him chasing her, finally catching her and swinging her around. Annie was never there. She wasn't there for either of them. Jessie closed her eyes. Annie didn't love him. She remembered him telling her that. Annie wasn't there for him.
Then the tent. It was so hot, he told her she didn't have to put her pajamas on. Jessie took another swallow from the bottle. Annie wasn't there for him. But Jessie was. She was always there.
"Oh God," she whispered.
"Jessie, you’re my best girl, aren’t you?"
How many times had she heard those words? The best girl. And because Annie wasn't there, she had to be.
"No."
"Its okay, Jessie. It'll be our little secret."
"Oh, no," she sobbed and clutched the wine bottle to her. "No."
Forgotten memories hit her full force and she cried for her lost innocence. The tent. It was so hot. Oh God, and it hurt. It hurt so bad. But he had soothed her, told her it would be better the next time. It wouldn't hurt so much. She was such a good girl.
"Goddamn son of a bitch!" she screamed through her tears. She rocked back and forth, the bottle of wine her only comfort on this dark, dark night.
Chapter Nineteen
Chris drove back to her cabin with the Jeep window open. The night was cool, but the fresh air felt good after sitting in cigarette smoke for the last few hours. She glanced toward the parking area for Ridge Trail like she always did and slammed on her brakes. Jessie's rental car shone in the moonlight.
"Jesus! What the hell is she doing?"
She parked beside the car and felt the hood. It was cold. She let out a heavy sigh.
"Oh, man."
After hiking all day, the last thing she wanted was a quick trip up Ridge Trail. It took her nearly thirty minutes to negotiate the trail in the dark, even with her flashlight. She topped the ridge and stopped to catch her breath and relief washed over her as she saw the lone figure sitting on the ledge. The moon cast enough light for her to see Jessie huddled in a blanket, a bottle of wine sitting next to her. She turned the flashlight off and walked over to her.
"Jessie?" she called softly. There was no answer. No movement. "Can I sit with you?" Still nothing.
Chris took one long stride across the crack in the ledge and sat down behind her, moving the nearly empty bottle of wine away. She spread her legs on either side of Jessie and put her arms around her, pulling her back against her chest. Jessie didn't resist, instead laid her head back against Chris. Chris felt her take a deep breath, then release it slowly.
"You okay?" Chris whispered.
"No."
"Want to talk?"
"No."
Chris only nodded and held Jessie to her, rocking her gently in her arms. After a few moments, she felt rather than heard Jessie crying. Chris kissed the back of her head gently and tightened her hold.
Jessie relaxed into the comfort of Chris's arms, letting her tears fall silently. She had thought that she was cried out, but for the first time in so many, many years, secure arms held her, offering solace, nothing more. And it felt good. But she knew she didn't deserve it. She had nothing to give back. She was just an empty shell of a woman. And emptiness was something she was very used to.
She felt Chris kiss her hair, felt her arms tighten and she squeezed her eyes shut against the feelings that seethed over her. She didn't deserve this. No, she deserved to hurt, to feel pain.
She turned her head suddenly, pressing her lips into Chris's neck, then moving to her lips, kissing them hard.
"No, don't say anything," she whispered. "Please. I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes."
She pushed Chris back on the ledge and straddled her, her hands roughly cupping Chris's breasts before her mouth claimed Chris again.
Chris didn't know what was happening, but she had no time for thoughts as her mouth opened and Jessie's tongue entered, driving out all resistance.