“If I do this,” she said to Valentin, “if I ask them and they can create a chip that deletes my emotions, I’ll no longer be the Silver you know. I won’t even be the Silver you knew before I decided to consciously drop my shields.”
She had to make him understand the consequences. “My emotions were already beginning to make themselves felt on a subconscious level when I first met you. Otherwise, I would’ve never sparred with you as I did.”
“Regret that?”
“Not for a second.” She liked the person she was with emotion, liked the woman who loved her brother so very deeply and who knew her grandmother as far more than the matriarch of their family.
And this man, this wild changeling . . . “You make me more myself than I’ve ever been.”
“You make me better,” was his deep, rumbling response.
“Valyusha.” He made her better, too. So much better. “I can’t lose this.”
Valentin’s jaw set again. “If it’ll keep you alive, we take the hit.” Making no attempt to hide the anguish tearing at that huge heart of his, he said, “You’re Arwen’s beloved sister and Ena’s hope and the linchpin of EmNet. Most of all, you’re my Starlight. You have to survive.”
“Will you?” She understood now what it would cost him to have her be cold toward him. Cut off from her emotions, she wouldn’t feel the pain. He’d feel every terrible second.
“So long as you live and breathe,” he said, his eyes a deep, glowing amber, “I can bear anything.”
She didn’t respond with another play on words this time, couldn’t. “I’ll ask,” she said. “On one condition.”
“Always negotiating,” he grumbled. “What’s your condition?”
“Tell me about the mating bond.” She felt a wrenching pull toward him, had done so for far longer than she could admit to herself. She’d fought it because, in some distant part of her, she’d understood the inevitable—and the whole world knew changelings didn’t do well after the death of a mate. Many didn’t survive.
Valentin nuzzled her, surrounding her in muscled warmth. “Will you come for a walk with me?”
“Always.” While she was herself, she’d walk anywhere with Valentin Mikhailovich Nikolaev.
Tonight, he led her out of the den—after swamping her in his sweatshirt and pulling out her hair from where it had gotten caught against her back. Hand clamped around hers, he tugged her through the Cavern. They had to step past more than a few drunk bears sprawled on the floor in their animal forms. One raised his head groggily, swiped at Silver’s leg.
His fur was decorated in pink little-girl barrettes and ribbon.
Silver allowed herself to be caught, found his grip was gentle. “Go back to sleep,” she said in a stern tone.
The bear yawned and went right back to sleep, his hand going limp as his snores filled the air. She retrieved her foot and carried on with Valentin. Who was grinning. “See? Not a single problem handling a bunch of rowdy bears.”
“Of course not. I’m Silver Fucking Mercant.”
His laughter infused the night with wildness as they stepped out of Denhome, the arm he threw around her shoulders warm and heavy. “You’re also my Starlight.”
She felt that clenching in her heart again, so deep and tight. “I know, Mr. Medvezhonok.”
He rubbed his chin against the side of her head. “I’ll be your teddy bear. I’ll even put on the suit if you like . . . Oh, wait. I have a built-in suit. Want to see?”
“Yes.” Breath lost, she turned to him. “I want to see.”
“Really?”
“Why do you sound surprised? I’ve wanted to see your animal form since the day we first met.” Since the day he crashed into her life, big and brash and aggravating.
“You never let on,” he accused in a grumpy tone.
“I like to keep you on your bigfoot-sized toes.”
“You’ve been talking to my sisters.” He laughed again, so warm and generous and impossible to offend, unless you insulted someone he loved. For that insult, he’d pound you into the earth. But never her. Because she was his Starlight.
“Well?”
“Patience.” He kept his stride short to accommodate her own, and they strolled through the trees to the edge of the wide stream where she’d seen the bear cubs playing. The grass was soft under her feet when she took off her shoes, the air crisp and cold. Beside her, Valentin stripped, scattering his clothes on the grass.
Rolling her eyes, she bent down and folded them, before putting them in a neat pile—while he showed off, his muscles taut and his eyes primal. “You’re beautiful,” she said truthfully.
His smug, happy smile was her reward.
The air filled with light a heartbeat later, so many particles of it, and where Valentin the man had stood, now stood an incredibly large bear. The biggest she’d seen in StoneWater by far. His fur was a deep, lush brown, his eyes that glowing amber she’d seen on the man. And the head he butted gently against her stomach heavy enough to tumble her to the ground.
The fall didn’t hurt in the least, the grass soft.
But the bear jerked back as if he’d accidentally stepped on a kitten.
Laughing again, the uncontrollable sound coming from deep inside her, she scrambled up onto her knees and grabbed Valentin’s ears, holding his face to hers, those amber eyes so clear and deep and not in any way human. His fur was softer than it appeared, his breath warm, and the way he looked at her intimately familiar, despite the wildness of him. This was her Valyusha, just in a different form.
“You’re definitely bigfoot sized,” she teased.
He lifted a paw, showing it off. She put her palm against it. It dwarfed her many times over. She didn’t know why she said it—the thought was barely formed before the words tumbled out. “You’re big enough that I could ride you.”
His eyes grew impossibly brighter. He nudged at her with his head again, this time very, very gently. She didn’t have to be an expert in body language to know he was telling her to climb on board.
Silver Mercant did not do ridiculous things like ride a changeling bear. A big changeling bear with sharp hooked claws. Which was the reason she couldn’t quite understand why, a minute later, she was attempting to climb onto said bear’s back.
She slipped once. Twice. And the bear laughed, its body shaking.
Glaring at him, she pointed to the grass. “Get down so I can climb up.”
Body still shaking, Valentin sprawled down on the ground as if he were fast asleep. He even made a snoring noise. Feeling her lips curve, she grabbed handfuls of his fur and managed to get onto his back. He was warm, and when she leaned down and threw her arms impulsively around his neck, he made a sound that she knew meant pleasure, though how she knew, she couldn’t say.
Then he was rising beneath her, a huge living rock. But when he began to move, he was no rock, his movements far smoother than she’d expected. And far faster. She bared her teeth against the wind and held on for the ride. As Valentin said, she was Silver Fucking Mercant. She had this.
VALENTIN had always been open to the idea of a mate who was Psy or human rather than changeling. All he’d wanted was a mate to adore and fight with and play with. The one thing he had worried about was that his bear would feel left out of a relationship with a non-changeling. Today, as Silver laughed while he ran through the forest with her on his back, he knew that had been a foolish worry. The bear was ecstatic—and more than a little bigheaded at both her delight and her fearlessness.
So it ran and it showed her secret places in the land around Denhome and it kept her safe, easing its speed anytime Silver needed to adjust her grip. But for a woman who’d never before been on the back of a large beast, she was a star. By the time they’d done this a few more times, she’d probably be trying to put reins on him.