The puppy inside him, the hopeful innocence, it trembled. “Dr. Bashir got them in.”
“I won’t be using them.” Silver’s voice was toneless in a way it had never been, not even when she was shutting her apartment door in his face. “I don’t know why the woman I was wanted to feel emotion again—her memories are like those of another species altogether. Do you understand?”
“Yes, solnyshko moyo, I get it.” It crushed man and bear both to hear her speak to him as if he were some random person on the street, but seeing her chest rise and fall, seeing her free of the agony that had brought her to tears, it was worth every second of heartache.
“I just came to see for myself that the operation was a success.” Unable to resist, he sneaked a touch of a strand of her hair that was spread out on the pillow. “Remember what I said—if you ever need me, all you have to do is say the word.”
Silver Mercant, the woman who was his and yet, paradoxically, who might never be his again, said, “I appreciate all you did for me, Alpha Nikolaev. Without you I may never have contacted Ashaya Aleine. I am in your debt.”
He went to say there were no debts between them, decided to hell with that. Fighting fair wasn’t on the agenda. Not today, not any fucking day until his heart physically gave up. His bear, wounded but determined, rose up on its feet, stared out of eyes he knew had shifted to amber. “Ten dates.” He rumbled deep in his throat. “You owe me those.”
“I’ll keep my word,” she said in the toneless voice that made him want to bellow in uncivilized rage, “but the outcome is guaranteed.”
“Then you have nothing to lose by holding to our terms.”
Chapter 40
Love will find its way
Through paths where wolves would fear to prey
IT WASN’T UNTIL Valentin was on his knees in the forest a day after the surgery, a bearish roar erupting from his mouth, that he realized one critical thing: His heart was battered black and blue with bruises, but it wasn’t broken . . . because the mating bond was gone and not gone at the same time.
What?
He froze in place.
Silver’s frost and fire was missing inside him, but he didn’t feel empty. He should. He poked at the wound. Blya, it hurt! But he wasn’t numb, wasn’t lost. He poked again, just to be sure. “Fuck!”
Sulking at the pain because it meant his mate wasn’t with him, he sat there in the fallen leaves and tried to make sense of something that didn’t make sense. Changelings who lost their mates through death or other causes, yet managed to hold on to life, were faded shadows of themselves. Valentin’s mother wasn’t whole even after all these years. She functioned, but that was it.
In contrast, Valentin was so angry and in pain and missing Silver as if he’d lost a limb, but he wasn’t fundamentally broken. His bear wasn’t anywhere close to insane. In fact, that bear was decidedly grumpy . . . but it remained firmly convinced that Silver was its mate.
That puppyish hope sat up again, wagging its stubby tail. If the mate bond wasn’t broken, then Silver couldn’t be totally Silent, no matter what everyone believed. They’d said it themselves—the brain was a complicated organ.
Valentin scowled at the puppy. He was a damn alpha bear; he wasn’t a puppy. “Zatknis’!” But the stupid thing wouldn’t shut up. “Yip, yip, yip!” It danced inside his heart. Getting up off his knees because it was annoying him, he threw back his head and made a loud sound that caused the smaller creatures in the forest to go motionless.
That shut the puppy up—for about a minute.
Then . . . “yip.”
“Grr!” Giving up, he found his phone, which he’d managed not to mangle—Silver might call him on it—and contacted Arwen.
Silver’s brother had given Valentin his code before the operation, saying, “You love my sister. You’ll hurt when she’s Silent. Call me if you wish to talk.”
Valentin had the feeling the other man was the one who needed to talk. Right now, Valentin wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone except his mate, but he needed this question answered. “Arwen,” he said without explanation when Silver’s brother accepted the call. “Can you still sense my bond with Silver?” Silver had told him she’d hidden it to protect it from curious eyes, but that Arwen, connected to her in the Honeycomb, could “see” it through his empathy.
“No.” The empath’s voice was carefully gentle. “It’s gone.”
No. It wasn’t.
“It’s there.” Valentin set his feet apart, prepared to become an immovable wall. “I don’t know how, but it’s there.”
“I wish I could say it was, because that would mean my sister was whole and herself, but it’s not, Alpha Nikolaev.”
Valentin’s scowl grew deeper. “The audio telepathy? It’s definitely dead?” That mattered more than his hope or Arwen’s need.
“Oh, yes.” Arwen’s voice dropped. “My sister is . . . different, more Silent than the Silent. More Silent than I’ve ever known her to be.” A long pause, the next words shaky. “I miss her.”
So did Valentin. Every second, every minute, every hour. “You doing okay?”
“Yes.”
“Stop lying. You’re hurting.” Bruised though it was, Valentin’s alpha heart responded to the pain of a man who was now part of his family. “You know I won’t betray you. Silver loves you. I’ll protect you for that alone.”
A shuddering breath. “Yes, I’m hurting.” The answer was fractured. “I’m trying to contain it for my grandmother’s sake, but it feels as if I’ve lost part of myself. Grandmother is as strong as always, but— I shouldn’t be speaking of family matters with you.”
“You know I’m family, Arwen.” No matter what, his soul was linked forever to Silver’s. “Ena having a tough time?”
“Tougher than I expected. I thought she’d appreciate Silver’s perfect Silence, but . . . she’s sad that Silver’s lost part of herself. Grandmother would never describe it as sadness, but I know it’s there, like I’ve always known she would fight to the death to protect me and Silver.”
“I’ll talk to her.”
“Grandmother isn’t likely to appreciate it,” Arwen said, his tone distinctly dubious.
“Don’t worry, Arwen. I have a way with tough Mercant women.” Hanging up to a strangled sound from the other man, Valentin headed to Denhome.
Sergey was the first person he saw. The other man gave him a stiff nod, followed by a scowl. “It’s not my business, Valya, but where’s your mate? Did you make her angry enough to leave you already?”
Had the question been asked in aggression, Valentin would’ve given him a response no one would’ve ever forgotten. But Sergey had spoken with unusual hesitation, with worry from a senior member of the clan to his alpha.
Valentin clamped him on the shoulder. “She’s as dangerous as a bear when she’s riled.” The clan would understand a pissed-off mate. “I’m working on it.”
A laughing grin. “In that case, I wish you well. I once had to chase my mate halfway across Siberia so I could beg her forgiveness. Worth the frozen balls.”
TWO hours later, when Valentin got into the car to drive to the hotel where Ena was staying in Moscow, he wished this was as easy as Silver being angry with him.