He said it with a perfectly straight face. Julian had to give it to his protégé. He had learned a thing or two. “That’s complete bullshit, Jackson.”
The smile that crossed Jackson’s face was one of pure joy. “Damn straight. I knew I was going to marry that woman pretty damn quick. I’m smarter than you. I was just trying to put you at ease.”
Jackson handed Julian the reins to the black horse and showed him how to lead the animal. The big black horse was a fascinating study of power and beauty. Julian found himself looking forward to the morning’s lessons. It had been a long time since he’d tackled something new. Perhaps physical exercise would get his mind off Danielle.
Jackson stopped both horses outside the barn. He was very serious as he looked Julian over. “I’ve known you all of my adult life, Julian. I know there’s only six years between us, but you’ve been a father figure to me for a long time.”
“I prefer to think of myself as a slightly older brother.” Julian was warmed by Jackson’s words. He’d always thought of the younger man as his spiritual son. He’d seen something in the rough young man that called to him. Though Jackson had been broke and spent most of his childhood living off the charity of others, Julian understood him. He understood his need to be in control. He’d been the one to teach Jackson to control and refine the impulse. And Jackson had taught him that it was okay to give a damn about someone. Jackson might owe him, but Julian owed Jackson as well.
“My point is, I know you pretty damn well. I saw the way you looked at her, Julian. I haven’t seen you look at a woman like that. I’ve only seen you look like that once in the entire time I’ve known you. You were crazy about him.”
An unfamiliar sense of embarrassment flooded Julian’s system. He had been unaware that Jackson knew how he’d felt about Samuel all those years ago. It was over, of course. It had never really started. Samuel hadn’t been interested. Samuel loved Jackson and now Abby. There had been no place for Julian. “I wasn’t in love with him.”
“I wouldn’t blame you. He’s intensely lovable. He’s a little like Dani. So eager to please and so sweet that the world kind of lights up when they smile. She’s a good match for you. She’ll keep you on your toes, and she won’t settle. She’ll force you to love her, really love her, if you want to keep her. Can’t you see that’s what you need?”
“It sounds perfectly atrocious, Jackson.” Julian was done. There was a reason he didn’t chat about his feelings. “I’ll leave the whole marriage and love thing in your hands. I prefer to relax. I only have a week. Are you going to teach me to ride or not?”
Jackson sighed. “I’d teach you more if you would let me, but let’s start with this.” His nose wrinkled up. “Wow. We’re going to have to get you some boots. Cow pats can be hell on dress shoes.”
Julian looked down. Sure enough, his thousand-dollar shoes were firmly planted in a cow’s refuse. He scraped his shoe against the grass and wished he’d stayed in bed.
Dani held herself as far away as she could from Finn. She pressed up against the passenger door of the SUV. If Willow Fork had taxis, she would have called one, but the idea of standing there with everyone feeling sorry for her had made her agree to allow Finn to take her home. And she couldn’t stand another second of Julian looking anywhere but where she was.
“Are you sure you want me to take you back there?” It was the first time Finn had spoken since they’d gotten into the car.
Of course she didn’t want to go back to the dilapidated two-bedroom house she shared with her sister. Val was going to be insufferable, but she didn’t have anywhere else to go. She’d thought about a motel, but they cost money. She had two hundred dollars in her bank account. Everything else had been spent on her wreck of a wedding.
Finn’s voice was ragged as he spoke. “I could take you back to my motel room, or we could just drive to Dallas. My condo has two bedrooms.”
She snorted. “Yes, obviously I would need a separate bed. You wouldn’t want to sleep with me. Hell, even the guys I have sex with don’t want to sleep with me.”
She could still see the leather couch that had been more enticing to Julian than the comfy bed. At least tonight he could sleep on a mattress since she wouldn’t be there.
She watched as Finn’s hands tightened on the wheel. “I only suggested the second bedroom because you’re pissed at me right now.”
“Sure, Finn, like I’m going to believe anything you say at this point.” Bitterness welled up, threatening to choke her. Finn turned down the road that led to her childhood home. She knew every bump and crack in this road. It was as familiar as the back of her hand, but it brought her no comfort. Going home this time felt like utter defeat.
“That’s not fair, Dani. I love you.”
“I thought you did. We don’t lie to the people we love, Finn. I would have been hurt, but I’d have gotten over it. That’s what friends do. Friends tell each other the truth, even when it hurts. I want to know one thing. I want to know why you lied to me.”
He paused as though trying to decide just how to put it. “I was scared I would lose you.”
“Bullshit. You knew how I felt about you. I told you so many times it was practically engraved on my forehead. I told you how much I loved you and that I wished you were straight. Every single time I got my heart broken, I went running to you and said the same thing. If only you weren’t gay… So you’re telling me that never once in all those times did it occur to you to say, ‘Hey, guess what, I like boobs’?”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
Dani shook her head. “No, it’s not. It’s very simple. You didn’t even have to talk. You could have just reached out and grabbed one.”
“Damn it, Dani, stop. Just fucking stop. This is serious.”
“Oh, I am serious, Finn. Don’t think I’m not. What did you expect me to do? Did you expect me to turn to you with grateful tears in my eyes and say thank you? Well, I can do that for you. Thanks. Thanks for lying to me. Thanks for making a complete fool out of me. Did you sleep with girls in high school?”
“No.” The answer came quickly, almost tripping out of his mouth. “Dani, I didn’t sleep with anyone in high school. I lost my virginity to a guy named Greg halfway through my freshman year of college. I swear I didn’t sleep with anyone in this town.”
At least she hadn’t had some bitchy girl laughing behind her back. Of course, she should have known that. If Finn had slept with someone in Willow Fork, everyone would have known it. “When was the first time you slept with a woman?”
His eyes were suddenly back on the road, his face a bright red. “About twenty minutes after I slept with Greg. His girlfriend was very open-minded.”
Dani huffed. Well, no wonder Finn had no interest in her. He was too busy having kinky sex. He probably thought she was some dried-up prude. She hadn’t felt that way last night. Something wicked picked at her, making her feel mean. “Julian’s pretty open-minded himself.”
Finn’s eyes were right back on her, burning with something righteous. “Julian’s a prick who took advantage of you.”
“At least someone did,” she grumbled.
“Do you have any idea what he’s into? You need to talk to Lucas. He knows this guy.”
“I don’t care what Lucas thinks. The only opinion that matters here is mine, and I really liked him.”
He’d been difficult and remote, and when he’d made love to her, she’d felt like the only person in the whole world. He’d been just as focused on her during sex as he was distant this morning. It had been an incredible experience. Of course, Finn had probably had a lot of those. Finn had ménage sex. The thought of Finn on his knees in front of Julian made her heart flip. She would watch and get hot while Finn got Julian hard enough to fuck her.