He swallowed once, and she thought he might not answer her. “I realized I didn’t really want to be with her. I wanted to be with you.”
Tears popped up. These tears were frustrated. “I don’t understand you.” She took a long breath. It didn’t matter. That was long past. “You’re just crazy, Bo.”
He stepped close to her. Very close. She could feel the heat of his body. “I am crazy, Mouse. I have been for a really long time. But what if I wasn’t crazy anymore? What if I came to my senses?”
The world felt like it slowed down as Bo’s hand cupped her cheek. He smiled down at her.
“I’ve never told you how beautiful you are. That was definitely crazy.” He smoothed back her hair.
“Bo,” she said. She wasn’t sure what was happening. Her breath hitched.
“You’re gorgeous, Mouse. And I love your hair down. You should always wear it down.” He leaned over and pressed his lips to hers.
Warm. Soft and yet strong. Bo’s kiss immediately lit up her every nerve. He’d pecked her on the cheek before, but this was utterly different. Those light busses had been a mere affectionate shift of lips against skin, but this was something more. This was purposeful. Bo’s lips brushed hers once and then again, her mouth opening under his. His tongue pushed into her mouth, a luscious treat. He pulled her against his body.
She’d dreamed of being close to Bo since she was a child. At eight years old, he’d punched Scotty Kirk for shoving her on the playground. Sometimes she could still feel the warmth of his hand in hers as he helped her off the ground and walked with her to the nurse’s office. He’d sat with her as the nurse had bandaged her skinned knees, but all she’d been able to think about was how nice it felt when he’d held her hand.
Bo kissed her, his hands sinking into her hair. She felt her hips press against his, the strong line of his erection rubbing against her belly. She was getting soft and warm. Her breasts were heavy, the nipples peaked. She breathed him in. She’d always loved the way Bo smelled.
He’d been her first crush. Her first lust. Her first love. God, he’d been her first friend.
But not her first lover. Trev. How could she do this to Trev?
Mouse pushed at Bo. “Stop.”
His hands tightened. “I don’t want to stop. We just got started. Baby, we waited so long. I want to make love to you. I want to do it now.”
But they hadn’t waited. He had. “No. I can’t.” Bitterness welled up. He’d kept her at arm’s length, taking what she gave him emotionally but not giving her what she needed physically. Trev had shown her what she needed.
She loved Bo, but she was starting to love herself a little, too.
“Mouse?” Bo looked at her, those sky-blue eyes round and so much younger than his years. His face had fallen as though he couldn’t quite believe what she’d said. His boots stirred up dust as he took a step toward her.
Never once had she refused him anything he’d wanted from her physically, but she couldn’t hurt Trev.
“I have a boyfriend now, Bo.” The words sounded stupid coming out of her mouth. Boyfriend? She hadn’t actually been on a date with Trev. She’d slept with him.
“How can you choose him over me?” There was no anger in the question. He sighed with a sort of sad acceptance, like he’d always known it would happen.
It wasn’t fair. “I didn’t choose him over you. You never chose me, Bo. You never wanted me until he did.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She did. She loved him with everything she had. “But you can’t love me that way. If you did, you wouldn’t have spent all of your nights with other women.”
His fists clenched. “I didn’t sleep with Clarissa.”
She stepped away. “This isn’t about Clarissa, Bo. It’s about all the other nights.”
“Damn it, I love you. I’m stupid. I’m just stupid. Can you forgive me?”
She felt her heel hit the front of the step. She didn’t want to be here having this conversation with him. She didn’t want to let him go. She needed him. Her whole system rebelled at the thought of letting him go. Trev wouldn’t be around forever. He would leave, and she would be alone. Tears blurred her eyes. Why was he doing this now?
“There’s nothing to forgive.” Maybe she should take what he had to offer. She could walk into his arms and let Trev go instead. Bo would stay. He wouldn’t leave Deer Run. He didn’t have an expiration date, but he was only doing this because he knew she was with Trev. What would happen when Trev was gone? “Bo, you don’t really want me. Not that way.”
He reached out and grabbed her hips, pulling them together, slamming his cock against her. “Don’t you tell me what I want. Don’t tell me this isn’t real.”
But it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. He’d denied her for so long, she just couldn’t trust it. And Trev needed her. Bo had never really needed her. She’d been a burden to him for so long. There had really only been the one night he’d reached out and opened himself to her. That night when his father had crushed his world. Maybe Clarissa was right. Maybe she had held him back.
“I love you, Bo, but I can’t be with you like this. I started something with Trev.”
“He won’t stay.” He whispered the words against her forehead. “He won’t stay with you.”
“I have to see where it goes.” Not just for her sake, but for Trev’s. “No one goes into a relationship knowing how it will end. It requires a little faith.”
“He isn’t worth any faith, Mouse. He isn’t. He’s fucked up so many times. How many chances can one man get?”
“As many as it takes.”
“Please, don’t do this to us.”
She pulled away. “I can’t. I can’t. I understand if you won’t be my friend any more. Just be polite when you see me.”
How was this happening? Her heart ached. She’d lived twenty-five years without a soul who really wanted her, and now she had to choose? It was brutally unfair.
“Polite?”
She nodded. “You owe me that. I came to get you that night. I protected you. I kept your secret, so I’m calling it in. You don’t get to treat me the way the others do. You can ignore me, but don’t you talk bad about me, Bo O’Malley.”
She wouldn’t be able to stand it. She couldn’t live in this town knowing Bo was laughing with the rest of them.
“Mouse, I would never talk bad about you. I told you I love you. Fuck, Mouse, you’re my best friend.”
He could sound like a little boy at times. Maybe he still was deep inside. Maybe that was why he’d never been able to choose her. He was a little boy unwilling to give up all the toys of the world for just one. Until he realized he’d lost it. Yes, when Trev left, he’d grow bored with her. His attention would wander, and she’d truly be alone.
“You just remember that. And you be polite.” She turned and hurried up the steps. She threw open the door. It was unlocked. Again.
Mouse took a quick step back as she looked inside. It was also occupied. And not by the raccoon Trev had found. A man stood in the middle of her living room. He wore a dirty T-shirt and a shocked expression on his face. And he had a gun in his hand.
Chapter Eleven
Bo felt like the world had just opened up and threatened to swallow him whole. How could she think that? How could she even think that he would become just like everyone else?
Walk away. That was the only thing to do. He should have known that there was no way she would stay. Trev McNamara walking back into town just as Bo got his shit together was proof positive that he wasn’t supposed to be with anyone at all. People left.
People leave you because you aren’t worth anything. You’re the reason Aidan left home. You’re poison, boy.