“Yeah,” I said.
“And,” he said, “when I have nightmares of it, you know what I dream about?”
“What?”
“The island,” Michael said. “The. . presence of it. The malevolence there.” He shuddered.
Michael, Knight of the Cross, who had faced deadly spirits and demons and monsters without flinching, shivered in fear.
“That place is horrible,” he said quietly. “The effect it has. . It’s obvious that it doesn’t even touch you. But I don’t know if I could go back there again, by choice.”
I blinked.
“But I know Molly went back there. And you tell me Karrin did, too. And Thomas. Many times.” He shook his head. “That’s. . astounding to me, Harry.”
“They. . they never said anything,” I said. “I mean, they never spent the night, either, but. .”
“Of course they didn’t,” he said. “You already beat yourself up for enough things that aren’t your fault. People who care don’t want to add to that.” He paused, and then added gently, “But you assumed it was about you.”
I finished the beer and sighed. “Arrogance,” I said. “I feel stupid.”
“Good,” Michael said. “It’s good for everyone to feel that way sometimes. It helps remind you how much you still have to learn.”
What he said about the island tracked. I remembered my first moments there, how unsettling it was. I had talent and training in defending myself against psychic assault, and I’d shielded against it on pure reflex, shedding the worst that it could have done to me. Wizard. And not long after that, I’d taken on Demonreach in a ritual challenge that had left me the Warden of the place, and exempt from its malice.
Thomas hadn’t had the kind of training, the kind of defenses I did. Molly, who was more sensitive than me to that kind of energy, must have found it agonizing. And Karrin, who had been assaulted psychically before. . damn.
They’d all picked up more scars for me, on my behalf, without a word of complaint-and I’d been upset because they hadn’t been willing to take more.
Michael was right.
I’d gotten completely focused on myself.
“It occurs to me,” I said, “if I wasn’t being the Winter Knight. . Mab would have picked another thug.” Mab had even told me who she would have gone after-my brother, Thomas. I shuddered to think what might have happened, if the temptations of Winter had been added to those he already bore. “Someone else would be bearing this burden. Maybe someone it would have destroyed by now.”
“It occurred to you just now?” Michael asked. “I thought of it about five seconds after I heard about it.”
I laughed and it felt really good to do it.
“There,” Michael said, nodding.
“Thank you.”
I meant it for a lot of things. Michael got it. He inclined his head to me. “There is, of course, an elephant in the room, of which we have not spoken.”
Of course there was.
Maggie.
“I don’t want to make her into a target again,” I said.
Michael sighed patiently. “Harry,” he said, as if speaking to a rather slow child, “I’m not sure if you noticed this. But things did not turn out well for the last monster who raised his hand against your child. Or any of his friends. Or associates. Or anyone who worked for him. Or for most of the people he knew.”
I blinked.
“Whether or not that was your intention,” Michael said, “you did establish a rather effective precedental message to the various predators, should they ever learn of her relationship to you.”
“Do you think Nicodemus would hesitate?” I asked. “Even for a second?”
“To take her from this house?” Michael asked. He smiled. “I’d love to see him try it.”
I lifted my eyebrows.
“A dozen angels protect this house, still,” Michael said. “Part of my retirement package.”
“She’s not always in the house,” I said.
“And when she isn’t, Mouse is with her,” he said. “We got him attached to her as a medical assist dog. He prevents her from having panic attacks.”
I made a choking sound, imagining Mouse in a grade school. “By making everyone else around her panic instead?”
“He’s a perfect gentleman,” Michael said, amused. “The children love him. The teachers let the best students play with him on recess.”
I imagined my enormous moose of a dog on a playground, trotting around after Maggie and other kids, with that dopey doggy grin on his face, cheerfully going along with whatever the kids seemed to have planned, moving with tremendous care around them, and shamelessly cadging tummy rubs whenever possible.
“That’s kind of awesome,” I said.
“Children frequently are,” Michael said.
I chewed on my lip some more. “What if. . Michael, she was there. She was in the temple when. .” I looked up. “What if she remembers what I did?”
“She doesn’t remember any of it,” Michael said.
“Now,” I said. “Stuff like that. . it has a way of popping up again.”
“If it does,” he said, “don’t you think she deserves to know the truth? All of it? When she’s ready?”
I looked away. “The things I do. . I don’t want any of it to splash on her.”
“I didn’t want it to touch my children, either,” Michael said. “Mostly, it didn’t. And I don’t regret my choices. I did everything in my power to protect them. I’m content with that.”
“My boss has a few differences in policy compared to yours.”
“Heh. True, that.”
“I need to get moving,” I said. “Seriously. I’m on the clock.”
“We aren’t done talking about Maggie,” he replied firmly. “But we’ll take it up soon.”
“Why?” I asked. “She’s safe here. Is she. . She’s happy?”
“Mostly,” he said amiably. “She’s your daughter, Harry. She needs you. But not, I think, nearly as much as you need her.”
“I don’t know how you can say that to me,” I said, “after Molly.”
He tilted his head. “What about Molly?”
“You. . you know about Molly, right?” I asked.
He blinked at me. “She’s been doing great lately. I saw her last weekend. Did she lose her apartment or something?”
I looked back at him in dismay, realizing.
He didn’t know.
Michael didn’t know that his daughter had become the Winter Lady. She hadn’t told him.
“Harry,” he said, worried, “is she all right?”
Oh, Hell’s freaking bells. She hadn’t told her parents?
That was so Molly. Unimpressed by a legion of wicked faeries-terrified to tell her parents about her new career.
But it was her choice. And I didn’t have the right to unmake it for her.
“She’s fine,” I blurted. “She’s fine. I mean, I meant, uh. .”
“Oh,” Michael said, a look of understanding coming over his face. “Oh, right. Well, that’s. . that’s fine. Behind us now, and it all worked out.”
I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but it was getting me out of making a major problem for Molly. I rolled with it. “Right,” I said. “Anyway. Thank you, again. For too much.”
“If it’s ever too much,” he said, “I’ll thump you politely on the head.”
“You’ll have to, for it to get through,” I said.
“I know.” He rose, and offered me his hand.
I shook it.
“Michael,” I asked, “do you ever. . miss it?”
His smile lines deepened. “The fight?” He shrugged. “I’m very, very happy to have the time to spend with my wife and children.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That. . wasn’t exactly an answer.”
He winked at me. Then he walked me to the door, leaning on his cane.
By the time I got to the car, the icy ache in my arm had dulled down to a buzzing sensation. I was recovering. I’d get some anti-inflammatories into me before I got back, to help with the swelling. No, I couldn’t feel the pain, but that didn’t mean that it wouldn’t be smart to do whatever I could to take the pressure off the mantle, to save my strength for when it counted. I needed to pick up some other things too, thinking along the same lines.
Whatever Nicodemus had planned, it would go down in the next twenty-four hours, and I was going to be ready for it.