‘Jesus, Natalie, we all start somewhere. What is the point of learning and having knowledge if you can’t express it?’
I blush.
‘It’s great to spruce things up in here. I wouldn’t mind running extra spin classes to get more of the tech office workers in. Will you do another class for me?’
‘Yes,’ I say resolutely. I want to mention my spin class ideas but I’m smiling gummily at him.
‘I’ll put you down for an express session? I don’t want to spook you too much.’
It’s time to say it.
I nod at him.
Now’s the chance. Say it, Natalie.
‘Good stuff,’ he says and makes a note.
I say nothing.
I kick myself all day for chickening out. During the gap until evening shift, I’m aware of my compulsion to go and buy sweets, crisps, sandwiches, chips, noodles, pizza, a fizzy drink, a burrito, chocolate, anything.
But I know the sound of these sirens going off inside and try to stay with my breath.
Then like a car pulling in to let an ambulance that’s driving up its rear overtake, I send James a text about having a quick chat when he gets back. I want to ask him something about the sessions.
All is calm.
I almost squint as I speak to him at the desk.
‘James, see, the thing is I used to run these creative spin classes. It was a good workout but it had other elements, learning and entertainment. I’d love to give them a go up here in Dublin. Do you think I could try that?’
He looks at me as though he’s smelled a particularly toxic fart. ‘Oh I dunno, Nat. That sounds a bit alternative.’
‘It is a bit alternative, James.’
‘Jesus, it took you two months before you even mentioned your cert and now you want to shake up our whole format?’
I press my palms onto the sides of my legs.
‘Where would you be going or what would you be doing? I don’t understand what you mean. Is it like the virtual reality sessions they’re running in the States?’
‘Not really, this would be much more economical. An exercise in imagination. See the screen you have behind the instructor in the spin room? Well, I’d project a landscape onto it instead of us watching which cyclist is where and having people race each other.’
‘But how would it be competitive then? How could it be motivational?’
‘I dunno,’ I say. ‘Maybe that’s not the point. It’s more about enjoying it. As an experience.’
‘Sounds pretentious. But look, you got good feedback after this morning’s spin session and that was your first go. And the novelty factor sounds appealing. I’ll give you an interview for these classes you want. Is that fair? I need to see what you mean before I go okaying anything.’
‘Yes, that’s fair.’
‘If it’s too weird, I’ll be shutting it down.’
‘Understood.’
‘So if it’s a trip, where are you taking us?’
I look outside. ‘The moon, maybe.’
I round Kim up who rounds a few others, including Fionn the poet.
James being in the class is scary but I’ve prepared it well.
I play ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ as background music and wander around, greet and screen the class for injuries or any medical issues, adjust their seats.
‘You’ve motivated me into coming to a gym,’ Fionn says; his legs glow ghostly white under his shorts. ‘I was really sorry to hear about your granny too, Nat, she was a lovely woman.’
I move his handlebars so he has a comfortable grip. ‘Thanks, Fionn. She sure was. She liked you a lot too.’
My laptop disconnects from the projector. ‘Fuck.’
I manage to Bluetooth an image of the moon to the screen behind me. I flip the lights off.
‘We’ll warm up for five minutes, adding resistance as we go. Ready?’
I play ‘My Moon My Man’ Boys Noize remix for the beat.
‘Today, we’re going to the moon. Is everyone set?’
There’s a yes chorus. I’m overcome with affection for them all.
‘Okay then. We’ll take a moment before we begin. This class is going to have a few elements to it. If you want to workout, then do, no problem, but this will be an imaginary trip and if you open yourself to it, you’ll enjoy it. So before we take off, I need you to put on your helmets.’ I pick up my imaginary helmet and put it on.
Kim and her crew do too. James doesn’t participate, he looks at me like I’m crazy.
‘And we need to be light, so everyone take a deep breath, one two three four, hold it for four, release. Let’s do that again. Once more. This time on the exhale, let all your worries of today go. Okay, we’re ready.
‘Most of this ride is getting there, we’re going to be on these propeller bikes to get to the stratosphere, so sprinting up to there, then a steep incline, even though we’ll be weightless, we’ll need to put a lot of resistance on the bikes to get them to the moon direction wise. After that we’ll land and do some interval training as we explore the moon’s surface.’
I play ‘Moon Rocks’ for our climb out of Earth, through the sweet metallic zing of the ozone layer, and as we break through the stratosphere, we’ve to stand and go as hard as possible. We prepare to make our way through space to the moon to the theme song from 2001: A Space Odyssey, ‘Also sprach Zarathustra’.
‘And here we are, orbiting the moon. Drop your resistance to gear five and prepare to land.’ Our landing is synced to ‘Moonage Daydream’. Kim smiles at me throughout like a proud mother.
During the peaceful time in class, I play ‘An Ending’ by Brian Eno and discuss how the sulphurous moondust smells of burnt gunpowder and because the moon has no atmosphere the sky always appears black from its surface. I show them Mons Huygens, the tallest lunar mountain, higher than Everest.
I mention how no woman has walked on the moon yet, we can only imagine it, and add an aside about the natural coincidence of the number of days and different phases of the lunar cycle and the menstrual cycle.
James’s face maintains a curious expression.
‘Now before we go to the other side of the moon, the so-called dark side which doesn’t face Earth, let’s take a moment to admire our blue planet, how beautiful she is. All the oceans, which make up seventy per cent of her, blue and clear from here. And our land, we can only see green and mountain brown, desert beige. What an extraordinary place to be from. Let’s do some interval work and explore the lunar landings. High resistance and low resistance. Pump pump pump.’
Everyone is sweating.
I say, ‘Great work, we’re here, guys. Let’s cycle around, cool down, turn your resistance off, and get your breath back.’
The opening bars of cello from Arthur Russell’s ‘This is How We Walk on the Moon’ fill the room. A man over to the right is wiping his face with his towel repeatedly.
I get off my bike and check on him. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I always wanted to be an astronaut but I only did ordinary level maths. This feels a bit like a dream.’
‘That’s good, I think?’
I go to the top. ‘Okay, everyone, thanks for your patience and for working so hard. I’ve enjoyed it. Hope you have too. May see you again soon.’
We cool down to ‘Sea of Tranquility’ by Kool and the Gang.
James still looks unimpressed.
The participants thank me on the way out.
James says, ‘Well, that was fairly bonkers.’
‘It was well done, Natalie,’ Kim says, staring fiercely at James.
‘Did you hate it or something?’ I ask.
‘No, it was just odd. But my wife isn’t a big gym fan, she finds it too tedious. Would you run this again Monday evening and I’ll get her in for the look? I’m not sure about it. We can see if there’s an uptake. A trial if you like.’