He knew he’d fucked up; it was there in his eyes, caught in a line of light in all the shadows. He talked to us then. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Marshals. With Blake’s rep, why wouldn’t I think she’d fucked every tiger in the place?”
He’d tried for mean, but I smiled sweetly at him.
“What’s so funny?”
“You can still save this,” I said, “just ask.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He was going to pretend that he hadn’t said too much. Thurgood and Morgan would probably back him on it. Did he trust that I’d play ball just because I had a badge?
“Ironic,” I said, “you’ve just finished telling me I’m more on the side of the monsters, but you’re counting on me being a good cop. You’ve accused me of fucking multiple weretigers, but you’re depending on me honoring the badge above my supposed lovers. Or is it just that you’ll pretend you didn’t say it, and it will go away? I didn’t think cops did that. I thought cops looked things in the face.”
“You said it yourself, Blake; you’re an assassin, not a cop.”
I smiled, but this one wasn’t sweet. “Perfect, Shaw, perfect.”
Edward moved me back with a hand on my shoulder, so he was facing Shaw. “Bernardo, take Anita for a walk, that direction.” He pointed away from the reporters.
Bernardo started walking, and I fell in step beside him. I half-expected Olaf to protest that he wanted to go on the walk, but he moved up to be at Edward’s back. Good to know that we were there to back each other up. I wasn’t sure about some of the Vegas cops anymore.
Bernardo led me past the body, and as if we’d agreed, we didn’t look at it much. We just walked until the alley was a little darker without the lights they’d set up at the far end. Though what got me to stop was that the smell was less sour here, and a few more feet and we’d run into another group of cops holding the other end of the alley.
“That was interesting,” he said.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“They’ve got the place bugged.”
I nodded again. I tried to think of everything I’d said in the apartment. I couldn’t remember all of it, but it had been enough.
“You’re trying to remember everything you said, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“If all I had was the sound, I might think sex, and I’d so believe that you could shapeshift for real.”
“Which will cost me my badge.”
“Not until they’re willing to admit how they got the recording,” he said.
“With Shaw blabbing, who knows?”
“Do you feel conflicted?”
I looked up at him, studying his face in the dim light for what little it did me. “Do you mean, am I going to go tattle to the tigers?”
He shrugged.
“No,” I said.
“You wouldn’t want Jean-Claude’s place bugged.”
“No, but we sweep for listening devices on a regular basis. Max should, too.”
“So you won’t tell because it’s sloppy business practices on Max’s part?” He started to lean against the wall, then thought better of it and stopped in midmotion.
“Partly, but I am a federal officer. I do have a badge. Max is into criminal activities. How can I blow an operation that may save lives?”
“So, badge first,” he said, softly.
I glared up at him, not sure he could see it in the dimness. “What, you believe what Shaw was saying, that I’m more loyal to the monsters than the police?”
He held up his hands as if holding me off. “That’s not what I meant. It’s just that if I had all your issues, I might feel conflicted.”
I sighed. “Sorry, but I’m tired, Bernardo. I’m tired of having the other police think I’m one of the freaks.” I shook my head. “Hell, I’m not sure they’re wrong. I’ve begun to wonder if I can serve the badge and my other master at the same time.”
He leaned forward. “Are you thinking of hanging it up?”
It was my turn to shrug. “I don’t know, maybe.”
“I can’t see you not doing this, Anita.”
“Neither can I, but… Shaw isn’t the first cop to think my loyalties are divided. He won’t be the last. I’m a walking sexual harassment suit lately. It’s like sleeping with vampires and shapeshifters offends the police at some really basic level.”
“Oh, I know that one.”
I looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
He grinned, and I could see the flash of it even in the shadows. “It’s the idea that if you prefer the monsters, then the rumor that they’re better in bed than us mere mortals may be true. That would squick a lot of men, and a badge doesn’t change that. In fact, maybe cops are more guy than most guys, so it bothers them more.”
“That sounds… childish for a cop.”
“I didn’t say they were thinking it in the front of their heads, but somewhere in the back, where all those Neanderthal urges still live, they are wondering if just being human makes them less in every way than the monsters.”
I tried to look past that flash of smile and see what was underneath, but it was too much shadow. I finally said, “Is that how you feel?”
He shook his head. “I had a lady leave her wereanimal lover for me.”
I smiled; I couldn’t help it. “That must have happened in the last two years because when we first met, you were a little insecure about my werewolf lover.”
He shrugged and spread his hands. “What can I say, I am as good as I think I am.”
That made me laugh. “Oh, nobody’s that good.”
“Are you saying I’m conceited?”
“Yep.”
He laughed, then his face sobered, and he turned so that some stray patch of light caught his face. He was suddenly serious, painted in shadows and light like some abstract photo. “No brag, Anita, just fact. I’d love to prove that to you someday.”
“I do not need to have the other cops hear that kind of shit from another man right now.”
“I’m still willing to help you feed.”
“I thought you were creeped by what happened with Morgan.”
He frowned, thinking about it. “I was.”
“I thought that would make you take the offer to feed the ardeur off the table.”
He frowned harder, making creases between those big, dark eyes. “Yeah, actually I thought it had changed my mind.”
“So, why the renewed offer?”
“Habit, maybe.” But the frown stayed.
I had an idea, and not a good one. I did need to feed soon. In fact, I should have felt more energized, less “hungry,” because Victor was supposed to have helped share his energy with me. But maybe all he’d been able to do was help me heal. I’d used up a lot of energy healing and fighting, and Belle Morte had been right about me feeding only the minimum to get by lately. We were also past the twelve-hour mark, when food was usually a good thing. Then I realized that I hadn’t eaten any solid food, either. Shit, I knew better than that. One hunger did feed the other, and if I didn’t eat enough real food, both my beasts and the ardeur rose faster and stronger. I knew this, but in the middle of a case, it was hard to find time to be human. Was I accidentally shopping for food now? Was I trying to bespell Bernardo without knowing it? It was the not knowing that creeped me the most.
“I need to get some food.”
“You can eat after seeing that?” He didn’t motion at the body; it was just implied really loudly.
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“Then I…”
“If I don’t eat solid food often enough, it makes it harder to control all the other hungers,” I said.
“Ah,” he said, then frowned. “I’m thinking something really inappropriate, even for me.”
“Do I want to know?” I asked.
He shook his head. “You’d be pissed.”
If it was bad enough that Bernardo wouldn’t say it out loud, then it was bad. That he’d thought of it, then thought better of it, was a sign that something was wrong. I was betting that I was what was wrong. Was the ardeur calling to Bernardo? I didn’t even know how to tell.