I reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out the email she had sent me, reading it once more. I had lost track of how many times my eyes had read over her words, absorbing them, trying to find the meaning behind them. I put all my hope in the last line… The truth is, despite it all, I still love you. And I always will.
I prayed her love was strong enough to give me the forgiveness I needed.
Jumping to my feet, I shoved the email and her cross in my pocket, then dashed down the stairs, grabbing my bags as I rushed out of the house. The city of Boston was quiet and still as my footsteps echoed in the alley behind my house. I unlocked my Mercedes SUV and sped away.
As if on autopilot, I found myself making the drive out to my mother’s house. It was the only place I could think of that hadn’t been tainted by memories of Mackenzie. Pulling down the long driveway of the house we had lived in most of my teenage years, I continued past the fountain and put the car in park just outside the rear garage. My bag clutched in my hands, I ran up to the front door, trying to be as quiet as possible as I used my key to let myself in. Silence greeted me, the house still. I padded through the foyer, past the formal sitting room, and into the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator, I grabbed a bottle of water, my mouth salivating when I saw my mom had made her famous lasagna for dinner. My stomach immediately began to rumble and I pulled out the casserole dish, cutting out a small portion.
Just as I was retrieving my snack from the microwave, the overhead lights snapped on and I spun around to face the doorway.
“Tyler, baby,” my mother whispered almost in relief as she rushed toward me. She enveloped me in her arms and I bent down to match her short height. “You’re home.” She rocked me, planting a kiss on my cheek. “I’m so glad you’re finally here.” She hugged me tighter, her arms strong around me.
“Yeah,” I said, my loud voice echoing in the kitchen.
She pulled back abruptly, her eyes growing wide. “Shhh, baby. Quiet.”
I furrowed my brow, confused about why I had to lower my voice if she was awake. I nearly cringed at the thought that maybe she had an overnight guest. I was more than aware that she had occasionally dated since my dad died over ten years ago, but it still didn’t make the thought any more comfortable.
“Sorry, Ma,” I said, not wanting confirmation of my suspicions.
“Tyler, there’s something–”
I held my hand up. “I don’t want to hear it. There are some things better left unsaid.”
“What do you–”
“It’s okay if you have an overnight guest, Ma,” I explained, praying my face wasn’t turning a brilliant shade of red. I pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down. “I get it. I just don’t want to hear about any of it, okay?”
I avoided her eyes, shoveling the lasagna in my mouth as if I hadn’t eaten in days. Truthfully, I hadn’t. It had been months since I’d had a good meal, having to survive on the limited rations provided to the refugees at the camp. We all ate the same thing, and everything was bland and simple. This lasagna was decadent and filling. Now that I was back home, I couldn’t wait to eat my weight in cheese and meat.
“If that’s what you wish. If you really don’t want me to tell you all about my overnight guest…” She shrugged.
The tone of her voice struck me as odd and I raised my head to see her standing there, arms crossed in front of her chest, a smug look on her face.
“Why would I want to hear about any of that?”
“Suit yourself,” she sang, pulling the chair out beside me and sitting down. “I’ve been expecting you. William stopped by with a copy of your itinerary indicating you’d be flying in tonight.”
“How did he know?”
“Do you really need to ask that question?” She paused and I remained silent, knowing how much information our company had access to. “Now, tell me… How are you doing?”
“Good.” I avoided her eyes as I swallowed a large bite of lasagna.
“You can fool a lot of people, young man, but I gave birth to you. Tell me how you’re really doing.”
I sighed, leaning back into my chair. I savored the last bite of lasagna, contemplating having seconds. “Shitty,” I finally admitted and she nodded in understanding. Her intense dark eyes bored into me, goading me to continue.
“I thought being away from it all was the right thing to do, like you suggested, but I don’t know. I think I was away too long.”
“Why didn’t you come back sooner?” she inquired, placing her hand on mine.
“I wanted to, but every time I brought it up, Alexander insisted I stay put, claiming I was needed, that he didn’t think it was safe for Eli or me to return yet. I’m starting to think he kept me there on purpose to keep me away from…” I trailed off, her name causing a lump to form in my throat.
“Yet, here you are. What happened?” Mom asked.
I snapped my eyes to her. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you’re back, aren’t you? Why now? Something must have changed for you to disobey your brother’s asinine orders. What was it?”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the folded email, sliding it across the table, eyeing my mom as she unfolded and read it. She had almost the same reaction I did when I first read those sorrowful words. Her chin quivered and her eyes moistened with unshed tears.
When she finally finished absorbing the words on the page, she looked up. “What do you intend on doing?”
“Whatever I have to. I can’t go another day without her, Ma.” I stood up from the chair and placed my plate in the dishwasher, then began to retreat from the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” she called out.
“To get a few hours’ sleep,” I said over my shoulder. “Then I need to get back to Texas.” I headed out of the kitchen, briskly walking toward the elaborate staircase.
“Tyler, baby,” she whispered, running after me in her bathrobe. “Wait…”
I spun around. “What, Ma?”
She searched my eyes. I couldn’t help but think she was hiding something from me. “You need to go, I understand that, but do me one favor.”
“What is it?”
Her nervous expression softened. “Wait until after breakfast, okay? I need one of your father’s frittatas and you’re the only one who knows how to make them right.”
I planted a kiss on her forehead. “You got it, Ma.”
I tiptoed up the stairs, praying I didn’t wake my mom’s “special friend”, and headed down the long corridor to the last door on the left…my old bedroom. I looked across the hall, a low glimmer of light coming from beneath the door of one of the guest bedrooms. Too exhausted to care, I entered my room, closing the door behind me. An unexpected waft of cinnamon washed over me, and I only hoped it was a sign of things to come.
Tyler
TOO EARLY FOR MY liking, the morning light started to peek through the shutters. I had barely slept since going to bed just a few hours before. The smell of cinnamon haunted my dreams. I felt an intoxicating electricity that now invigorated me with a renewed sense of determination to do everything I could to make Mackenzie mine once more.
Stretching in my bed, I fought the temptation to close my eyes and go back to sleep. It had been months since I had slept on a proper bed and I didn’t want to leave the comfort surrounding me. My eyes drooping, I threw my legs over the side of the bed and padded to the en-suite bathroom. After splashing some water on my face, I rummaged through my bag and found some gym shorts and a t-shirt. I tossed them on and laced up my sneakers, heading quietly from my room and out of the house for an early morning run.