I swallowed hard. “Truth.”
“Did you mean this?” he asked, pulling a sheet of paper out of his shirt pocket.
Squinting my eyes, I recognized the email I wrote him and inhaled quickly.
“This…,” he said, gesturing to the piece of paper. “Because of this, I drove fifteen hours to the closest airport I could get a flight out of, from one end of Sudan, where I was volunteering at a refugee camp for the past four months, to the other. Then I flew thirty-three hours on a series of three different flights. You want to know why?”
“Why?” I quivered.
“Because of the last line,” he admitted. “You said you still love me. You picked truth so please tell me. Do you still love me?”
Staring into those green eyes that had haunted my dreams, I let out a loud sob, nodding as my tears washed over me. He pulled me into his body and planted a kiss on my forehead. My emotions overtook me and I drenched his shirt. He held me close, warming me with his embrace.
“I’ve missed this,” he murmured.
I had been craving this feeling for months, needing his arms to assure me everything would work out, that I would finally be over the ache his absence caused my heart. Could everything really be forgiven by a simple “I’m sorry” or “I love you”? They were just words. Meaningless words.
Straightening my spine, I pushed against him, freeing myself from the hold he still had over me. I tore back to the bed and finished throwing all my things in my suitcase, zipping it up.
“Mackenzie, wha–”
“Yes, Tyler. Yes, it’s true. I still love you, but that doesn’t fix this. You can’t just come back into my life and pick up where things left off. As much as I want to forgive you because you need it, I can’t do it.”
Tears streaming down my face, I rushed out of the room, darting down the stairs and into the foyer.
“Wait, Mackenzie!” Tyler cried out after me. “Tell me what you want me to say and I’ll say it! Letting you walk away from me once was the biggest mistake of my life. I won’t do it again.”
I spun around just as I was about to open the front door. “You let me walk away from you?” I hissed, my teeth clenched.
“That’s not what I meant.” He ran his hands through his dark brown hair and I could see the desperation wash over him. “What I meant to say is all the lies, all of it… I’m so sorry I put you through it. But do you think I regret any of it?” His eyes grew more intense and impassioned, his chest heaving as he poured his heart out to me. “Not for a second.”
I glared at him, waiting for him to explain.
“If it wasn’t for all the lies, for my assignment, I never would have met you, so I’m not going to say I regret a fucking second of any of it. I don’t care what it takes to win back your heart. You can push me away all you want. You can tell me you’ll never forgive me, that there will never be an ‘us’ again, but I will always come back for you. A hundred times. A thousand times. I will fight for us until I take my last breath.”
He stepped toward me, grabbing my hand in his, caressing my knuckles in such a delicate way that made me want to melt into a puddle.
“Please, Mackenzie…” He leaned toward me, brushing his lips against my forehead, kissing me so delicately, so lightly. “Serafina,” he whispered, “tell me what it will take and I’ll do it.”
Despite everything he had just said, I simply couldn’t let him back in. Relationships were based on trust, and Tyler took my trust and used it against me. I couldn’t forget that, no matter how much my skin yearned for his touch.
“You want to know what it’s going to take?” I asked softly, freeing my hand from his grasp.
He nodded, nervous anticipation radiating through his body as he looked at me with eager eyes.
“It’ll take one more time,” I murmured, opening the door. Peering over my shoulder, I saw his deflated expression. “It will always take one more time.”
Tyler
“DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE giving up,” a voice said, startling me. I didn’t know how long I had been staring at that closed door, thinking the only thing that mattered had just walked out of my life once more.
“Ma.” I spun around. “Did you–”
“I heard enough.”
I let out a low sigh, feeling weighed down. “What should I do, Ma? She wouldn’t even listen to me!”
A sympathetic look on her face, she approached me and placed her hands on my shoulders, forcing me back around. “You get back out there, Tyler. It’s not going to be easy, and I have a feeling this battle certainly won’t be won overnight. It’s going to take some time. She spent the last several months getting used to her life without you in it. You being back is going to take some adjustment on her part…and yours. You can tell her you’re sorry all you want, but your words don’t hold any merit, not after what you put her through. Start from the beginning again. Be the Tyler I love. Show her the real you…”
“I did show her the real me.”
“Then help her get reacquainted with that person.”
I nodded and stared out the window of the front door, seeing Mackenzie’s trembling frame sitting on the grass. Her head was upturned, staring at the sky. I wished I knew what she was thinking at that moment.
“Go, baby. You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you. Don’t expect a miracle. Get to know her again. Let her know you. Let her fall in love with the new you. I have a feeling she’ll come around.”
“I hope you’re right,” I said, leaning down and planting a kiss on her forehead. Taking a deep breath, I placed my unsteady hand on the doorknob and turned it, heading down the steps and onto the grass. My silhouette cast a shadow over Mackenzie, but she remained facing forward. I could tell she was consciously trying to ignore my presence.
“Do you mind if I sit?” I asked in a firm tone, trying to mask my unease.
She craned her neck to look at me and nodded slightly…an ambivalent gesture.
“Thanks.” I lowered myself, not sitting too close. Although nothing had really changed between us, there was still an electricity in the air just from being near her. She hadn’t turned me down or run away, so I was taking this as a step in the right direction, regardless of how small a step it was.
A few birds chirped, flying in and settling on the fountain, bathing their feathers. The sun was pleasant, and clouds drifted in the sky, reminding me how much I missed being home. In the African desert, the sun was relentless, barely a cloud in sight. The texture in the sky here was beautiful, reminding me of all the times I sat in the backyard with my mother, spying animals in the clouds.
“It’s a boy,” Mackenzie said, breaking the awkward silence. I snapped my head toward hers and met her eyes. She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt and I could sense her nerves. I felt the same way, although I didn’t want her to know it. “I mean, I figure I should tell you since you’re the father and all.”
“Mackenzie, I–”
She held up her hand, stopping me. “Don’t worry, Tyler. I’m not asking you to help. I know this is probably all a bit of a surprise. It took me quite a while to wrap my head around everything. Truth be told, I’m still coming to terms with it, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to change your lifestyle or act any differently around me. If you don’t want any part of this–”
“What makes you think that?”
She shrugged and avoided my eyes. “I just–”
I reached over and grabbed her hand. She looked at me and a glimmer of hope ran through me when she didn’t immediately pull away. “I want to be part of this baby’s life. Despite what you want to believe, our son is the result of my love for you, and I will make sure he has everything he needs. The same goes for you. I want to be part of your life, too, but I know we have a lot to work through before that can happen. I get it. We know each other, but we don’t really know each other. I’m willing to start from the beginning again, to find out who you are as a person. I hope you’ll give me the chance to at least find out who I am as a person, too. I hope you’ll give me the opportunity to prove I’m worth your time, your trust, and maybe your heart.”