“My head really hurts, Angel. I have a migraine. I can’t handle the crazy.”
Angel inhaled, deeply and loudly, through her long, bony nose. “Listen, sis—”
“I’m not your sister, Angel.” Jeanette was in too much pain to worry about how Angel would take a rebuke.
But Angel just rolled right along. “This thing’s crazy but it’s real. I just seen Nell and Celia. What’s left of em, anyway. They went to sleep and now they wrapped up like fuckin Christmas presents. Someone said McDavid’s got it, too. Gone baby gone. I watched it grow on Nell and Celia. The stuff. It crawls right up. Covers up their faces. It’s like a fuckin science experiment.”
Crawls right up. Covers up their faces.
So it was true. You could tell by the way Angel said it. Well, why not. It didn’t matter to Jeanette. There was nothing she could do about it, or anything else. She closed her eyes, but a hand fell on her shoulder and Angel began to shake her.
“What?”
“You goin to sleep?”
“Not while you’re asking me questions and shaking me like I was popcorn. Quit it.”
The hand lifted away. “Don’t go to sleep. I need your help.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re all right. You ain’t like most of the rest of em. You got a head on your shoulders. You’re as cool as a fool in a swimmin pool. Aren’t you even gonna let me tell you?”
“I don’t care.”
Although Angel didn’t respond immediately, Jeanette felt her looming over the side of the bed.
“That your boy?”
Jeanette opened her eyes. Angel was peering at the photograph of Bobby fixed on the painted square on the wall beside her bunk. In the photo Bobby was drinking from a straw out of a paper cup and wearing a cap with Mickey ears. His expression was adorably suspicious, like he thought maybe somebody was going to try to snatch his drink and his hat and make a break for it. It was from when he was little, four or five.
“Yeah,” said Jeanette.
“Cool hat. Always wanted one a them. Jealous of the kids that had em. Photo looks pretty old. How old’s he now?”
“Twelve.”
It must have been about a year before the bottom completely fell out, when she and Damian took Bobby to Disney World. The boy in the photograph didn’t know that his father was going to punch his mother one time too many and that his mother was going to bury a clutchhead screwdriver in his father’s thigh and that his aunt was going to become his guardian while his mother did her time for second-degree murder. The boy in the photograph just knew that his Pepsi tasted great and his Mickey hat was cool.
“What’s his name?”
While she thought of her son, the explosions in Jeanette’s head receded. “Bobby.”
“Nice name. You like that? Bein a mom?” The question slipped out without Angel knowing she meant to ask it. A mom. Being a mom. The idea made her heart stutter. She didn’t let it show, though. Angel had her secrets, and she kept them close.
“Never been much good at it,” said Jeanette and forced herself to sit up. “But I love my son. So what is it, Angel? What do you need me to do?”
Later, Clint would reflect that he should have known Peters was up to something.
The officer was too placid at first, the smile on his face entirely inappropriate to the charges being leveled. Clint was angry, though, angry as he hadn’t been since he was Jared’s age, and he didn’t see what he should have seen. It was as if there was a rope in his head, binding shut a box containing a lot of bad stuff from his childhood. His wife’s lie had been the first cut in the fiber, Aurora had been the second, the interview with Evie had been the third, and what had happened to Jeanette had snapped it. He found himself considering the damage he could inflict on Peters with various objects. He could shatter his nose with the phone on the desk, he could cave in the abusing fuck’s cheek with the warden’s Correctional Official of the Year plaque. Clint had worked hard to exorcise that kind of violent thinking, had largely gone into psychiatric medicine in the first place in reaction to it.
What had Shannon said that time? “Clint, sweetie, if you keep fighting, someday you’re going to win too good.” She’d meant that he’d kill someone, and maybe she had been right. It wasn’t much later that the court granted him his independence and Clint didn’t have to fight any more. After that, his senior year, he had consciously funneled his rage into running track. That had been Shannon’s idea, too, and a damn good one. “You want to exercise,” she had said, “you should run. There’s less bleeding.” He’d run from that old life, run like the Gingerbread Man, run all the way to medical school, to marriage, to fatherhood.
Most of the system kids didn’t make it; foster care was a true case of odds-against. Many of them had ended up in jailhouses like Dooling Correctional or Lion Head Prison up the road, which, according to the engineers, was in danger of sliding down the hill. Indeed, there were plenty of system girls in Dooling, and they lived at the mercy of Don Peters. Clint had been lucky. He had beaten the odds. Shan had helped him. He hadn’t thought of her in a long while. But this day was like a broken water main, there was stuff coming up, a flood in the streets. It seemed that days of disaster were also days of remembering.
Clinton Richard Norcross had entered the foster system for good in 1974, when he was six, but the records he’d seen later said he’d been in and out even before that. A typical story: teenage parents, drugs, poverty, criminal records, probably mental health issues. The nameless social worker that interviewed Clint’s mother had recorded, “She is worried about passing her sad feelings along to her son.”
He had no memories of his father, and the only scrap he retained of his mother was of a long-faced girl grabbing his hands, swallowing them up in hers, shaking them up and down, pleading to him to stop chewing his nails. Lila had asked him once if he was interested in attempting to make contact with either of them, if they were alive. Clint was not. Lila said she understood, but, really, she had no idea, and he liked it that way. He didn’t want her to. The man she married, the cool and able Dr. Clinton Norcross, had, quite consciously, put that abandoned life behind him.
Except you couldn’t put anything behind you. Nothing was lost until death or Alzheimer’s took it all. He knew that. He saw it confirmed in every session he held with every prisoner; you wore your history like a necklace, a smelly one made of garlic. Whether you tucked it under your collar or let it dangle loose, nothing was lost. You fought the fight over and over, and you never won the milkshake.
He had passed through a half-dozen homes during his youth and adolescence, none of them like a home if that meant a place where you felt safe. Perhaps it was no wonder that he had ended up working in a penitentiary. The feelings in prison were the feelings of his youth and young adulthood: a sense of being always on the verge of suffocation. He wanted to help people who felt that way, because he knew how bad it was, how it struck at the center of your humanity. That was the core of Clint’s decision to leave his private practice before it had really started.
There were good foster homes out there, more than ever in this day and age, but Clint had never landed in any. The best he could say was that a few had been clean, run by foster parents who were efficient and unobtrusive, doing only what was required to collect their fee from the state. They were forgettable. But forgettable was great. You’d take forgettable.