The whole place was filling up fast with decked-out, milling kids. You could tell the Sussex County kids; a little punky, a little country and fairly out of place. The local kids all looked a lot older and a little bored and too-cool, but that might have just been my uptight impression because we were out-of-place visitors.
I saw Tony Erikson, who I recognized from his picture on the website I researched for the t-shirts, off to the side, smiling. The band was setting up and sound-checking. I caught Kelsie’s eye right away.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in months!” She hugged me hard around the waist. “You look fantastic! How are you?”
“Good.” I shook my hands out anxiously, checking the crowd for Saxon or Cadence. I didn’t see either one of them. “I hope tonight is fun.”
“It’s going to be awesome! The band is dying. They’re so excited they’re about to ralph!” Kelsie crowed happily. “Oh, and we sold a million t-shirts.”
I looked around and realized that at least half the room was wearing them, Kelsie included.
“That’s awesome.” My eyes were darting around a little frantically, for what, I wasn’t sure. Or wasn’t admitting.
“So did you know that Devon Conner is gay?” She lowered her voice conspiratorially.
“I actually did,” I confessed. “He and I were in Ireland together when he told me.”
“He looks so good.” Kelsie searched across the crowded diner to Devon, who was laughing with a cute-looking guy with a lip ring. He saw us and waved, then ambled over.
“Hey, Brenna,” he said, and I hugged him quickly because he was still in that way-too-awkward social stage where touching was uncomfortable. “You look hot.”
“Right back at you.” I pushed him away and surveyed his outfit. “I like the tie.” He had on a black button down with one of my older Folly shirts on over it, a lime green tie and great dark, cuffed jeans.
“Hi Jake,” he said. Devon looked at me and raised his eyebrows, but I shook my head at him. I know he wanted to talk about the essays, but I didn’t want to bring it up now, in front of Jake, with Saxon right around.
Somewhere.
It was unusual to walk into a room where I knew Saxon was, but not have him come to find me right away.
“Hey, Devon.” Jake smiled and put his arm around me.
They were chatting when I caught sight of Saxon. He was standing with his arm around Cadence’s waist, so they mirrored me and Jake across the room.
They looked great together. They looked like they belonged, and I was at the same time happy and a little sad about it.
Cadence looked really pretty. Her long, dark hair was up in a messy bun. She wore one of my Folly t-shirts with a black long sleeved shirt underneath, a short pleated black skirt, and black boots with fur. It was one of those outfits I would have looked like a lunatic in, but she managed to rock it and look totally gorgeous and sexy.
It wasn’t just the way she looked, though. She had a nice smile and she laughed a lot; it was a big, easy laugh that made everyone else laugh.
And Saxon was looking at her like he was an astronomer and she was a once-in-a-lifetime meteor. It was close to worship.
He had on a Folly shirt too, a little tight and beat up in a way that could only be the result of wearing it every day while he did construction projects around Aunt Helene’s. The result was a purposefully unintentional added coolness that was made edgier by his nod-to-the-blue-collar black work Dickies.
Oh, and he was wearing Chucks, all black, which would have made me feel a hint of camaraderie except that I didn’t want to feel anything like that towards him tonight. For too many reasons. His black hair was getting long and it was shiny and messy. He was smiling, and the look of contented, in-love ease made him even more gorgeous than his old bored attitude ever had.
He saw us across the expanse and came over, pulling Cadence by the hand.
“Hey guys.” I saw something impatient in his eyes. He pulled Cadence forward. “Cadence, this is Kelsie and Devon. This is my girlfriend, Cadence.”
And in that minute, I knew what the impatience was all about. Saxon couldn’t wait to show her off, to announce to the world that she was his girlfriend.
It made me glad. It really did make me happy to see Saxon happy. I had never liked being his girlfriend. We had never fit together the way he and Cadence did. He never had that easy, relaxed look with me. I smiled at Cadence and she smiled back. Then I saw her eyes go to Jake and they shared a conspirator’s smile.
“Hey.” Jake nodded down to her feet. “I like your boots.”
He liked her boots? He liked big boots with fur on them? I looked at Jake curiously and wondered what kinds of other crazy things he liked and didn’t tell me about.
“Thanks.” She turned one long, slim leg so that we could all see her boot from the side. “I’ve been waiting for an excuse to wear them.”
Cadence was absolutely cute and sincere and stylish, and I liked her. Though the look of appreciation my boyfriend was giving her boots (and leg) was just a teeny, tiny bit irritating.
“The place looks amazing.” I glanced around at the cool 50s style decorations. “I’ve never seen the inside at night. The mirror ball makes it look like a whole different place.”
Cadence looked around with a lot more resignation. “Yeah, my dad went kind of crazy in here.” She shrugged. “We’ve never done anything like this. Thank you for your help, Brenna. The t-shirt design was a really good idea.”
“No problem.” I smiled at her.
“And thanks for putting me on it. That was crazy!” She looked down at her shirt and laughed and everyone joined in, including me, though I felt like I a poseur laughing along, but I was relieved that everything felt decently normal, and it didn’t seem like there was any lasting craziness from my TMI essay.
Then the band started for real and we went to watch and jostle with everyone else. It felt good to be there, in a crush with a bunch of people I didn’t know but felt close to because of the music and the fun of the night. Tony and his wife, Rosalie, were on the side looking happy and kind of relieved.
But something felt flat for me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, and I couldn’t shake it at all. I told Jake that I was going to the bathroom, but I really just needed some air. The parking lot was empty, cool, and quiet: a perfect place to escape for a minute.
“Blix.”
I turned around and there was Saxon, looking all cocky and so wonderfully, totally cool it was as irritating as a splinter under my fingernail.
“Hey.” I didn’t try to smile at Saxon, because there was never any point in pretending anything around him.
He walked up to me and put an arm around my shoulders, and I sneaked a look back towards the door to make sure Jake wasn’t standing there. Saxon’s orange TicTac smell was familiar but incomplete without the usual sting of smoke, and the feel of his arm was too heavy, too close, and too much of a complication.
“So, I read your essay.” His voice rubbed against my ear, half purr, half growl.
I turned under his arm and looked into his black eyes. “I know it.”
“It was a little weird. I mean, I had to read it to Jake.” His voice was barbed with an edge of humor and something that furrowed so much deeper, no matter how I twisted it, I couldn’t figure it out.
“Sorry. I mean, I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to just sit and read it and react, I guess.” I meant that. “I could get you a copy if you need one.” Then I remembered and blushed when the full repercussion hit. “Oh. I almost forgot your photographic memory. So now my essay is embedded in your brain forever.”
For a few seconds, all I could hear was the electric buzz of the lights, the screech of the bugs, and the subdued din of the music inside. Then Saxon’s voice rasped out and broke the hush. “You sound like you think that would be a bad thing.”
We locked eyes, and I saw those little gold flecks that rightfully belonged to Cadence to notice now.