"Maybe you will," Alec said. "But not with me."
"Why not? We could‑‑"
"No. This won't last. Everything you think you feel‑‑it won't last."
"Why?"
"It just doesn't," Alec said, and even though he was still holding him David knew he was somewhere else, somewhere he'd never be. "It never does."
***
Alec helped carry Thomas out at the end of the day. He was talking a little as they reached the outside, a few slurred words full of pain. Alec fanned his face with one hand while Bash poured cold water on him and muttered a prayer. It didn't do any good. "Got three little ones at home,"
Bash said a few moments later and Alec nodded, closed Thomas's eyes. Bash put him in a bag.
As they were taking him down the hill Bash got his shoulder caught by a messenger horse, moved too slowly taking Thomas to the side of the path for the rider. "King's business," the rider said, "get that trash out of the way," and then the horse's hooves were flashing and Bash was underneath, the foreman saying he was sorry and was there anything His Majesty's servant wanted, needed?
"You know," he said after the rider had passed, turning around to grin at Alec as he and Bash struggled with Thomas, Bash's arm hanging awkwardly and his face ghost white with pain, "He came out once after you left. Wanted to look at a perfect blue we'd found. Never asked about you, not one word. Just like you were nothing to him."
When they reached the city and Thomas's body had been taken to the burning house Bash looked at him and said, "If there was ever a day for forgetting."
Alec nodded. And later, when Bash looked at him with dark swimming eyes dripping brown‑red tears as he sang a laughing lament for his arm, he said, "Share?" and surrounded himself with burning smoke, swallowed it down till the world dissolved around him, till he couldn't think about anything or anyone.
***
Alec didn't come home when night fell. David waited and waited and finally went and knocked on Gladys' door when the streetlamps had been lit, long after the sounds of returning footsteps had stopped.
He knocked till his knuckles ached and Gladys gave him a hard look when she opened the door a crack, said "What is it?" in a toneless voice. From inside a deep voice David didn't know called out, "I'm not paying you to chat with the neighbors."
"I don't know where Alec is," he said.
She sighed, a short exasperated sound. "The way you were pounding on the door I thought it was an emergency," she said, and then turned away, said, "Won't be but a moment, I swear," to whoever was in the room with her, voice honey‑sweet and hard.
"I have to go," she said when she turned back to him and then coughed, doubling over with her hand curling tightly around the doorframe.
"But‑‑"
"I'm sure he's fine," she said impatiently, straightening up and rubbing her hand across her mouth, leaving a faint brown red trail behind. "Go on now, and don't come back tonight. Once everyone comes home I don't have time to talk. Understand?"
David shook his head but she'd already closed the door.
Alec came home when night was giving way to the first flicker of morning. He wasn't quiet when he came in‑‑he bumped against the table, swore, and took off his coat too carefully, like moving was hard for him or something he had to think too much about, and swore again when it fell on the floor.
"Are you hurt?" David said, scrambling out of bed, and Alec looked at him. David sucked in a breath. Alec's eyes were crusted red in the corners and his shirt had been buttoned wrong, gaped open across his collarbone. "What happened?"
"You should be asleep," Alec said, and his voice was sharp, angry.
"I was waiting for you to come home."
Alec's mouth twisted, drawing tight, and then he stalked across the room. Up close he smelled like ale and bitter smoke and David could see a few twitching creatures swimming in his eyes.
There was a mark on his neck, blue purple, a bruise. It was shaped like a mouth and when Alec saw David looking at it he smiled, ran his fingers along it. Then he moved his fingers a little lower. There was another mark just like right below his collarbone, this one punctuated with tiny little indentations. Teeth marks.
"You shouldn't have," he said. "I forgot you were here."
"Because of the wormwood?" David said, feeling sick and sad and confused, and watched the things inside Alec's eyes flip slowly, losing strength.
"Because I wanted to."
"You‑‑you wanted to? Why?"
Alec shrugged. "I suppose I could share the details, if you wanted," he said, and leaned in closer.
His mouth looked bruised, his jaw line marked red like it got after they‑‑
"Oh," David said and he wasn't confused anymore.
"He was gorgeous," Alec continued and his voice was lilting and mocking, mean. "I couldn't help myself."
David felt the floor crack cold under his feet. "Are you coming to bed?" he said quietly.
Alec laughed, a sharp sneer of sound. "I don't think I'm up for another round right now."
"That's not‑‑the sun will be up soon. You‑‑you need to sleep."
"So understanding," Alec murmured, and the words were sickly sweet, false. The things in his eyes were gone, leaving only the dark angry brown of his gaze. It was worse somehow, to have Alec looking at him that way with clear eyes.
"I‑‑" David bit his lip. "I don't know what I've done. Will you‑‑"
"Shut up," Alec said harshly, cutting him off. "I don't know why‑‑why are you still here?" he shouted and then stopped, clenched his hands into fist by his sides. When he spoke again his voice was harsher still but barely a whisper, like the words were being torn out of him. "What do you want from me?"
"I want you to be happy," David said quietly.
Alec's face shifted, something in his expression shattering, but he didn't move any closer. "Go to sleep," he said and went over to the fire, sat down in his chair facing it. He never came to bed.
He didn't say goodbye before he left either, and when he came back that night he wasn't alone.
"This is Henry," he said as he took off his coat and the man standing next to him stared at David for a moment, eyes widening, before he unhooked his own cloak and turned to look at Alec with one eyebrow raised. He was tall and blond and as he turned toward Alec David saw the line of his shoulders was long and broad.
"He's going to stay for a while," Alec said and his eyes were clear and very bright, sparkling with challenge and something else, something desperate. David nodded but Alec wasn't even looking at him, was looking at Henry who was staring at Alec with a knowing grin on his face. He was handsome and golden, looked strong and sure, like he understood the world and everything in it.
And when he said something, low‑voiced, Alec smiled and then shrugged. David knew that smile.
"Do you‑‑" he cleared his throat, voice gone all sticky. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Nah," Henry said, looking at him again, and his voice was playful, soft. Wanting. "What's your name?"
"Oh," Alec said, and his voice was pure honeyed poison. "I forgot to make introductions. That was stupid of me." He looked right at David and said, "I guess I forgot you were here." Then he put a hand on Henry's arm, stroking once, twice, and said, "That's David. You don't mind that he's here, do you?"
"Not at all," Henry said, still looking at him. "In fact, I think‑‑"
"We all know what you think," Alec said, sharp laughter in his voice, and Henry looked back at Alec, grinned broad and shrugged, then leaned in toward Alec and said, "And if I remember right, you like how I think."
"Something like that," Alec said and kissed him. It was the first kiss David had ever seen and he watched, startled and confused and intrigued, saw Henry's smiling mouth open under Alec's, watched the brush and twist of their lips against each other's. It was pretty, tall blond Henry bending down toward short dark Alec, the two of them straining toward each other, kissing like they had to, like they couldn't stop. It hurt. His hands were cold. He'd left the lamp lit, burning strong, and Alec's tongue was a bright flash of red sliding into Henry's mouth. Henry moaned, pulled Alec closer. David folded his fingers into his palms. They were shaking. Alec's eyes were open, looking directly at him, his gaze hard and glinting.