“I would like to know if your bonded whisky is really for re-export and, if so, I want to see evidence of its final destination.”
“Papers papers. When it comes to paperwork you’re looking at a guy who takes the booby-prize. Give me a couple of days and I’ll find the documents.”
“I’ll be back next Wednesday,” Smith said, and on his way out he paid for his own coffee and blueberry pie.
Bernard, sniffing trouble, was filled with unease. Then, returning to the office, sifting through the monthly bank statements, his unease flared into red-hot anger, and he hurried over to The Victory Hotel, pulling Solomon away from the poker table, and presenting him with the evidence. “I’ve found you out,” he hollered, waving cancelled cheques at him, cheques endorsed by Solomon. “Look at this. $3,000 to Billy Sunday. $3,500 to the Anti-Saloon League. And here’s another one. $2,500 to Alphonso Alva Hopkins. You invented that name. Admit it.”
“Why, Mr. Hopkins is a writer and editor of great distinction. In 1915 he campaigned to have the name of German measles changed to victory or liberty measles, and now he is even more adamantly opposed to the scum of besodden Europe—people like us, Bernie—corrupting the Christian youth of this once-pure continent with booze.”
“If you ask me none of these cheques are going where you say, but they are covering your poker losses right here in the hotel.”
“I’ll get back to my game now.”
“The hell you will. Tell me what the fuck is going on!”
“We’re investing in the future.”
Two days later Nebraska became the thirty-sixth state to ratify the Eighteenth Amendment. Prohibition would be enforced a year later.
“Bernard, you driven, greedy bastard,” Solomon said, “Bernard, you’re going to be richer than you imagined in your wildest dreams.”
In his excitement, Bernard forgot to tell Solomon about Bertram Smith, and that he would be coming back the following week.
Five
The necessary customs documents for the bonded whisky were not produced, contrary to Bernard’s promise, so Smith had no choice but to report the infraction to the Regina office. He was rebuked for his zeal. Then, patrolling a border road one evening, Smith saw two “Whisky Six” Studebakers racing south, riding low on their springs under a full load of booze. The bootleggers promptly switched on their rear windshield searchlights, trying to blind their pursuer, but Smith pulled ahead and cut them off at the border. The bootleggers turned out to be three defiant, unemployed construction workers out of North Dakota. They giggled at the sight of their scrawny, snaggle-toothed captor. “Jeez, sonny, you ain’t gonna shoot us, are ya?”
Smith established that the three Americans had crossed the border illegally the night before and, consequently, had to be detained until they paid double duty on their cars, some $1,850, that would be reimbursed once they returned to the States.
“Hey, why don’t you just be a good boy and take us to town, where the Gurskys will straighten you out.”
Bernard arranged for Smith to meet with him, Solomon, and Morrie in the warehouse office, Tim Callaghan also in attendance.
“It was good of you to come here today, Mr. Smith,” Solomon said. “May I pour you a drink?”
“He doesn’t.”
“Such a nice boy,” Morrie said.
“A putz you mean,” Bernard said, “just like you.”
“Is there anything I can offer you?”
“No.”
“How about money. Plenty of it,” Bernard sang out, opening the safe and tossing bundles of banknotes on to the desk. “You could get your teeth fixed. Buy a suit that fits. A car. A house, even. The girls you could get. Wowee!”
“Precisely how much money is on the table?” Smith asked.
“Ten thousand dollars,” Bernard said, brightening. Smith took out his fountain pen and made a note on his pad.
“But maybe if I counted it again it could come to fifteen.”
“I intend to see you and your brothers in prison.”
“Would that give you pleasure?” Solomon asked.
“You and your sort will have to learn once and for all that not everybody has his price.”
“You know what you’re asking for, Mr. Fucken Boy Scout Troop Leader,” Bernard shouted, “Mr. Eighteen-Dollars-a-Week Pipsqueak, you’re asking for trouble, eh? Big big trouble.”
“I intend to report your threats verbatim,” Smith said, scribbling on his pad again.
“You heard that? Threats yet. Well fuck you, sonny, I don’t threaten cockroaches. I squash them,” Bernard said, rubbing his heel into the floor, “like this.”
“Mr. Callaghan, you are a witness to this attempted bribe and to the threats to my person. I expect you to testify accordingly in court.”
“I’m Tim’s boss, not you, cacker. Jeez, why didn’t you ever do anything about those teeth of yours? Look at him, guys,” Bernard said, heaving with laughter, “I’ll bet he hasn’t even busted his cherry yet.”
“You’re disgusting.”
Solomon said he wished to speak to Smith alone. Grudgingly, Bernard stepped outside, followed by Morrie, Callaghan starting after.
“I’m leaving too,” Smith said, “unless Mr. Callaghan stays.”
“You want a witness?” Solomon asked.
“Yes.”
So Callaghan remained behind.
“I want to assure you, in the presence of Mr. Callaghan, that even if you choose to testify against us nothing will happen to you.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“I admire you for it, honestly, but the deck is stacked against you. Your superiors, grossly underpaid, are not nearly so fastidious. Far from appreciating your ardour they will crush you for it. Don’t testify, Smith.”
“I was both threatened here and offered a bribe.”
“Yes, but circumstances will oblige me to deny it, and Callaghan will lie for my sake.”
“But he’ll be under oath.”
“Swearing on a Bible?”
“Yes, sir,” Smith said, infuriated with himself for the “sir,” but there was something in Solomon that compelled it.
“Oh Smith, Smith, if it’s justice you’re after, don’t bother looking for it in this world, wait for the next. I’ve got enough on my conscience without you. Take the money or leave it, as you see fit, but don’t stick your neck out.”
Once he had gone, Solomon poured himself a Scotch and then passed the bottle to Callaghan. “Did you know, Tim, that John Calvin attended the same school in Paris as Rabelais? Le Collège de Montaigu.”
“And what if I don’t care to swear on a Bible and then lie for your sake on a witness stand?”
“That would really make things interesting.”
Bernard was back, Morrie trailing after. “Softsoaping him got you nowhere, eh?”
“He’s a man of principle.”
“So you’re sending for somebody.”
“I promised that nothing would happen to him.”
“Hey, that was big of you, but I didn’t. Meyer would help. Little Farfel owes us. Phone him. Or maybe Longy better.”
‘‘Forget it.’’
“Good good. We’ll go to prison and learn how to sew mailbags or stamp licence plates. Why should other guys have all the fun? Say something, Morrie.”
“What should I say?”
“Say you don’t want to go to prison.”
“I don’t want to go to prison.”
“With him for a brother who needs a parrot? Come on, Solomon. Send for somebody.”