"I was frantic. Irritated that so much time had passed without a reply, the members of the research institute who'd written the petition said they wanted to send a representative to headquarters. Before that, Guide said he needed to talk with them and went off to Izu. That night I pretended that a major trance had taken hold of me. I managed such an enthusiastic perfor- mance that the person taking care of me reported to Guide that my trance this time was so deep and violent that afterward he was afraid I'd be weaker than I had ever been before. The next day Guide hurried back to be by my side. And as I always did, I began to speak, so that Guide would be able to translate the visions I had on the other side.
"At the time I didn't think about how I was deceiving Guide. I just thought I was having the same kind of trance I'd had for years, only now I'd been able to make it happen on my own. And actually I exhausted my spiri- tual strength doing that. I spent the time during my false trance thinking I was standing in front of the Almighty I faced whenever I went over to the other side, asking a question and listening carefully to the response. And I was convinced I could hear the answer.
"I'd always received messages from the other side, so I was all set to lis- ten. What I heard was a response I'd made up myself, but as I listened to it I didn't consider it different from my usual visions. Wasn't this the very first response from the other side that I'd consciously extracted? If the vision I re- ceived in this way ran counter to the will of the other side, I thought, surely I would be properly punished.
"If I'm transmitting as Your word my own vision that runs counter to Your will, I prayed, then kill me. Separate me from the pain of being torn apart and turn me into a handful of dust. I can't continue as the leader of over a thousand people in such a lackadaisical state. It's easy for You, isn't it, to make my weakened heart have an attack? I am creating Your vision with my own will, but I am doing it believing in You, heart and soul. Have pity on me! No matter how it may turn out, please give me Your power.
"As I prayed like this, I pretended to have a vision and mumbled some things, which Guide translated as this: "I am standing at a point where I can see the "oneness" overflowing from the Beginning. I'm seeing this together with the young Izu researchers. Once more the entire world is flowing back to that original 'Oneness.' Thinly of it as the oppo- site of the Big Bang. As the "implosion " of the whole world on this "oneness. " Help us with this infinitely huge, infinitely swift movement. God awaits a truly spon- taneous call, one in response to His own call. Your call has reached God, and God's answer has come back. Now is the time-the time for the battle of repentance at the end of the world.
"'If you fear you won't be able to hear God's answer, concentrate on your own question. Every single perception you have within yourselves is already within God. Our calls to God are already within Him, the way we receive His message, the way each of us reacts to it-they too are already within Him. Hallelujah!'
"Guide transmitted this to the Izu Research Institute as the answer that God gave me, and the expectant young people there abandoned their various projects and flung themselves into preparation for the end time. In this world where the unrepentant oppress the repentant, they arrayed themselves for the final battle."
4
"This is how the group of young people, later clubbed the radical fac- tion by the press, took over the leadership of the Izu Research Institute," Pa- tron continued. "Guide reported to me on their activities, but I never tried to alter their course or force them to slow down. If what the radical faction was doing was wrong, I imagined I would have another vision, like the ones I always had-a real vision-telling me to put a stop to them. But that never happened.
"So what kind of preparations did these young scientists and techni- cians make for the battle for repentance? They were generally divided into those working on physics and those working on chemistry. My vision en- couraged the ones on the physics side. The term implosion coincided with the concept of the manipulation of nuclear materials to create a chain reac- tion. Led by a specialist named Mr. Omuro, they turned their attention to building a device, capable of being transported by a small number of people, that would transform a nuclear power plant into a nuclear bomb. The chem- istry researchers were to give logistical backup. Of course, all of this was aborted by the Somersault.
"At this point I was busy with religious affairs in our Tokyo headquar- ters, while Guide spent all his time at the Izu Research Institute. He returned to our headquarters three times in two months. He made one trip on his own to get approval for a new research budget. They were gradually needing more and more funding for their activities. In other words, he came to withdraw some money from headquarters.
"The other times he came were to take care of me when I'd gone into a major trance and to work with me to put the vision I had into words. Through these trances the sense of mutual trust, the basic need we had for each other, was renewed. However, the days we spent together gradually produced an awkward atmosphere between us.
"Whenever he heard that I'd fallen into a trance, Guide would race back from the Izu Research Institute. Each time he'd bring the hopes and fears of his scientists with him: their burning desire to know when the order would come to take action, the hope that I would provide the vision that would make this clear. Each working at their own tasks, the physicists and the chemists were uneasy about the struggle that lay ahead.
"Once a certain amount of preparation is laid, it's hard to have to wait forever. They'd taken the first step and were fearful that the long arm of the law might reach out to seize them. Until their plan was put into action, they were anxious, too, about whether their faith would hold out. Guide reported to me that some of the female researchers had appealed to him about this.
"But when I was on the other side, I received no instructions. Guide pressed me, and when I was about to enter a trance I would pray to be given an order to give them, so they could take action. I wanted this so much, and I prayed as I went into a trance, and it was all quite painful and trying. In the end when I returned, completely spent, the message that Guide heard from me and reworked into ordinary language told them neither to take action nor to desist.
"After one of these deep trances, when I was exhausted and recovering in bed, Guide became terribly irritated and spoke to me more gruffly than he ever had before.
"Stop fabricating things, he told me, just because you say you can't get any orders from the other side. I'm your Prophet, you know-and also for those serious, outstanding young people who want repentance more than anything, I'm their Prophet as well!
"As I looked back at Guide, who was glaring at me as he sat in a low chair beside me, folding his long legs, I realized he'd seen through my phony vision, and I felt ashamed.
"Knowing full well that I was lying, Guide had still gone ahead and interpreted it as I wanted him to, transmitting it to the young people who'd sent me the petition. Not only that, he'd done everything in his power to aid the researchers who, encouraged by my words, had begun making concrete plans to put them into practice. He'd been so earnest about restructuring the research institute, doing all he could to accomplish this and passing along the questions the researchers had for me. And yet he knew I was lying! How did he know that?
"After all these years with me, had Guide lost confidence in the one who pointed toward the end of the world? And in desperation had he made a gamble? While fabricating a vision, I was trying to convince myself that as long as there was not a second vision that denied the first one, that meant it was con- firmed. Most likely Guide, my longtime spiritual companion, felt the same way.
"After having invited the young people to take action, and having done his utmost to aid their preparations, wasn't he afraid-just at the stage when they would be putting their plans into action-to admit that whatever they did from now on had nothing to do with the will of the other side? Weren't his misgivings the same exact things I was afraid of? The thought made me shudder.