Tim had a CD he wanted to listen to on the way home, giving Ben time to think while it blared from the speakers. What happened on the beach tonight had really opened his eyes. Girls found Tim just as irresistible as he did, which came as no surprise. Right now Tim was with Krista, who had a number of hang-ups, but it was only a matter of time before a girl came along who wasn’t put off by the European standard. One who would be more than happy to fulfill Tim’s sexual desires once she had gained his trust. When that happened, Ben would be thrown out with the weekly garbage.
If Tim was gay, or even bisexual, Ben had only a limited time to make him realize it before a different girl moved in on his territory. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part, but Tim was so affectionate, so giving when they had sex. It was totally different than the other guys. But what if he was wrong? What if Tim really was straight, and pushing the issue only ended up destroying what they had right now?
They pulled into Tim’s driveway just before midnight. He didn’t seem concerned about the hour. Obviously his parents kept him on a long leash as well.
“You really don’t mind walking home?” Tim asked him. “I’m sure I can manage driving there and back.”
“No. I’ll be fine.”
“All right.” They stood there awkwardly for a moment. Isn’t this where the goodnight kiss was supposed to take place?
“Enséñame a volar, mi mariposa hermosa,” Tim said suddenly. “It’s from a poem I-- Well, it’s from a poem.”
“What’s it mean?”
“‘Teach me how to fly, my beautiful butterfly.’” He reached out and ruffled Ben’s hair, his version of a parting kiss. “See you around.”
Ben watched Tim enter the house before making his way down the street, no longer uncertain. He would help Tim realize who he really was. He would teach him how to fly.
__________
Chapter 10
Little changed over the next six weeks, despite Ben’s determination. At times he hardly saw Tim at all. There was an unspoken agreement that they wouldn’t interact at school, although they would occasionally see each other in the hall, making only small gestures in acknowledgement. Often Ben would initiate these “chance” meetings during the times when Tim was more aloof than usual.
Then there were days when Tim was as hungry and affectionate as the first time they slept together. He stayed the night sometimes at Ben’s house, his parents generously not making a fuss over him having a guy over. Karen argued, to no avail, that it would be like a boy staying with her. Luckily his sister had no clue who Tim was or of his status with the popular kids. To a senior, anyone younger was a scrub.
The sleepovers were usually spent doing the normal sort of things: movies, video games, and takeout pizza. Once the house was quiet it inevitably became intimate between them. Sex was now more exploratory, their prior urgency relaxed into desire. Tim was even comfortable enough to return Ben’s oral favors, although the topic of sexuality was still completely taboo. Ben didn’t mind too much. How could he complain when he was waking up next to the hottest guy in school?
There was, however, one problem that he couldn’t ignore: Krista Norman. Tim was still dating her. Ben no longer inquired about sex between them, but it was clear from a few negative comments that it wasn’t going well. Ben couldn’t figure out why Tim stayed with her and it became a point of contempt. Even mentioning her name was enough to spark an argument.
The issue came to a head in late October, just a few days before Ben’s birthday. He hadn’t seen Tim the weekend before because he and Krista had been out on a double date with Bryce and his girlfriend. Ben intentionally decided not to call him afterwards, and for the next three days hadn’t heard from him. While doing some early birthday shopping at the mall with his mom, Ben spotted them both. Krista, as usual, had Tim’s arm in a death grip, as if he would come to his senses at any moment and try to escape.
Ben tried to steer his mom into a shop before they neared, but she had her own mind about where they were going and soon saw the couple. She started to say hello to Tim when Ben hissed for her to keep quiet. She did, mostly out of puzzlement. Tim gave a little nod as they passed by, his girlfriend oblivious as she gawked at a nearby jewelry store. As soon as Krista dragged Tim away to see it, Ben’s mother badgered him with a series of questions.
“I thought you two were together?” she insisted.
“No, he’s straight,” Ben answered through gritted teeth.
“Oh, come on!” she protested. “I’m not deaf, you know. I’ve heard what you two get up to at night.”
Ben shrugged and turned away. “I’m working on it,” he replied.
The next evening Ben was taking out the trash when the thumping of jogging feet attracted his attention.
“Hey,” Tim said as he slowed to a stop in front of Ben, panting happily.
“Ankle still doing all right?” Ben asked without smiling.
“Yeah. Still a little sore but as good as can be expected.” He beamed at Ben, who still failed to respond. “You look like you wouldn’t mind spraining it again.”
“Not really,” Ben answered evenly. “I’m just not in a good mood.”
“Well, maybe I can cheer you up,” Tim offered. “Let’s go up to your room.”
His intent was clear as he stood with his hands on each hip, still breathing heavily from running and flashing his winner’s smile. He smelled of sweat and freshly cut grass. Ben wanted nothing more than to strip off those damp clothes, but his frustration prevailed.
“Why don’t you call Krista if you’re so horny?” he spat.
“Not this again,” Tim groaned. “Jesus Christ! What does it matter?”
“It matters to me! Why are you even with her? You never have anything nice to say about her. She doesn’t put out; she’s not even the prettiest girl in school.”
“Yeah, Bryce already has that one.”
Ben scowled at this and considered walking away, but before he did he gave it one last shot. He dropped the anger from his voice, and asked sincerely, “Who do you like more, Krista or me?”
“You,” Tim shrugged. “I like you more. When you’re not pissed at me at least.”
“Who do you sleep with? It’s not Krista, is it?”
“No.” Tim made sure the street was empty. “I sleep with you.”
“So why do you need her when you have me?”
Tim looked off into the distance, shaking his head slowly, a frown forming on his face. He brushed the sweat out of his eyes and looked back at Ben, considering him for a moment before he turned away.
“I’ll see you around,” Tim said as he resumed jogging down the street.
Ben waited for him to change his mind, to come back and apologize. When he didn’t, Ben swore and laid into the trashcans, knocking them over and spilling their contents into the street. He kept kicking them until his anger was purged and he was exhausted. Then he began to cry.
* * * * *
Ben’s birthday fell on the twenty-seventh, just a few days before Halloween. Ben wasn’t robbed of any extra presents, like those poor unfortunate souls who had birthdays close to Christmas, but there were a few parties in his childhood where everyone dressed in their costumes early. He also tended to receive more horror-themed presents due to the unique shopping opportunities of the season.