Tonight, I would be the most patient guy in the world.
After parking my car around the corner, I retrieved my overnight bag from the trunk, thankful I’d planned ahead for all possibilities. Tessa waited for me at the front door and let us in then proceeded to her room, glancing back at me.
“You can still sleep here.” Tessa went straight for her dresser and pulled out what looked like pajamas then bunched them against her chest. “I’ll sleep in Bree’s bed, as usual.”
The idea of closing the bedroom door and stripping her naked flashed through my mind. I almost slapped my forehead at that line of thinking.
“I can’t stay in here with you. I...I’m sorry.” She made her way back to the door, careful not to touch me as she passed.
“Hey,” I said before she disappeared. “You’re welcome to join me later. If you want to. I won’t say no.” Good going, Hayden. Way to make her feel comfortable.
“Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks for that.” She gave a short hysterical laugh and bolted.
It was after midnight, way past my bedtime. At least I wouldn’t have hours of lying awake and missing Tessa.
Two hours later, I stared at the ceiling of Tessa’s room as if jacked up on caffeine. Only because I was stupid enough to keep hoping she’d come in and slip under the covers beside me. It wasn’t going to happen. I knew it. People like Tessa thought ahead, planned their future. They didn’t have gross lapses of judgment or spontaneous acts — like giving into their cravings — that they paid for later.
What was I doing with her anyway? We were nothing alike, except for our common bond — we were virtual orphans who stepped up and got the job done when it needed doing. She could have refused to tutor me. Instead, she helped, because she felt compassion. Then she blackmailed Brad into behaving to protect a boy she didn’t even know. I couldn’t forget her commitment to Bree either.
Tessa was a survivor. And a helper. I loved that about her.
“Hi.” The hallway light silhouetted Tessa’s frame. “Can’t sleep either?” she asked.
“No.” I held my breath, waiting to see what she would do. But it was too late — I’d already gotten a whiff of her shampoo. She smelled too good not to touch and my body tensed in an effort to stay still.
Tessa hesitated, then cautiously moved toward the dresser in her baggy sweats and oversized t-shirt. I couldn’t read her face. I tried to peek in her head to see what she was thinking, but I hit a brick wall. What did she want?
I prayed it was the same thing I wanted.
“My vision is freakishly good,” she murmured. “I could wander around the house in the middle of the night and never turn on a light. Crazy, huh?”
“Yeah.” I lay perfectly still, my body unsure if it should gear up for fun or disappointment.
“Hayden, I’m scared.”
“We’re not in immediate danger.”
“No.” Her hand cut through the air, as if to wash away what I said. “Not about that.”
Okay…
“When Blane broke my heart, I thought it couldn’t possibly hurt any worse, but I never liked him half as much as I like you.”
“You think I’m going to hurt you,” I said, “but I don’t want that to happen any more than you do.”
“It’s hard for me to trust myself, much less someone else. If I let myself go, let myself feel… if it goes wrong, I don’t know if I can come back from that.”
At that moment, I could’ve killed Blane for using Tessa the way he did.
“I’m damaged goods, Hayden.” She moved closer to the foot of the bed. “Maybe you should bail while it’s easy.”
“Is that what you want?” I asked.
“No,” she answered quickly, “I just think we should wait to sleep together.”
I inwardly groaned. I wanted her so badly, my body hummed with anticipation. But if we went too far and she freaked, I’d lose her. “Okay, our clothes stay on.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “For how long?” But could I do it?
“I don’t know. A few weeks?” She laughed softly. “If you can put up with me that long without sex, you earned it.”
A few weeks? Was she kidding? Because of the strings attached, our exclusivity, I couldn’t go elsewhere for satisfaction. Not that I wanted to. I only wanted Tessa. “If you’re all over me begging for it, I won’t say no. What then? I’m the bad guy because I broke my word?”
“I need you to be stronger than me,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You already know I have trust issues with you.” She turned and fiddled with something on her dresser. “A part of me thinks that, you know, you only want me because I didn’t fall all over you.”
“It didn’t help, that’s for sure. We always want what we can’t have. Which means that’s going to be a really hard promise to keep.”
“Try. Show me it’s not about getting laid.”
“It’s not, Tessa.”
“Show me.”
I grinned. “Come over here and I’ll get started on that.”
One side of her mouth lifted. “You know what I mean. I can’t compromise. I need you to help me.”
“Okay. I’ll help as much as I can.” And I would, too. I knew we were very different and we wouldn’t last forever. But I wanted to keep her as long as possible. I wanted to ride it out, take our relationship as far as it would go. I’d only accomplish that by giving her what she thought she needed.
“Can I sleep in here with you?” she asked. “You know, with that understanding?”
I inhaled and slowly released my breath, grateful I hadn’t been able to sleep. If she’d come in and found me snoring, she probably would’ve gone back to her own bed. “Come here.” I held out my arms. “I’ll be good. I promise.”
She crawled under the covers and into my arms, scooting low with her head on my chest. It didn’t look like I’d get a kiss goodnight to close our evening, but if we started that…
I held her tighter, trying not to feel her breast against me. Girls didn’t usually wear bras to bed and Tessa was no different. I squeezed my eyes shut, doing my best to ignore the scent of Tessa’s hair and her arm draped over my chest. If my body stayed on alert, aware of her every move, it would be a very long night.
So long as she stayed, I’d gladly suffer.
* * * *
Tessa smiled sleepily. “I’m so impressed,” she said in a husky voice. “You didn’t cop a feel even once all night.”
“That you know of.” I chuckled, knowing she’d remained unmolested. I’d finally fallen asleep about an hour after she’d snuggled up to me. She smelled so good, I was amazed I slept at all. My scratchy eyes told me it was too early to get up. “What time is it?”
“Shhh.” She held a finger against my lips. “I have parents,” she whispered. “They might be home and, as strange and disconnected as they are, I’m pretty sure that having a guy in my room is still against the rules. It’s almost eight.”
I should’ve been exhausted. But I wasn’t. The only thing going through my head was how beautiful Tessa looked in the morning. “Hey. You were great last night.” I grinned. “You’re pretty good in bed.”
“You too.” The corners of her mouth curled up. “In a minute, I’ll check and see if they’re around. Get dressed in case you have to sneak out the window.”
She moved to get up and I rolled over, pinning her to the bed.
Tessa giggled. “No kissing until I brush.”
“Okay.” I gazed at her face and brought my hands up to cup each side. “Our mouths won’t touch.” Instead, my lips gently brushed her cheek, then along her jaw to her temple.
A breathy moan escaped her lips. “Oh, my God. You really need to get off me.” But her hands under my shirt said differently, as if they willed me to stay.
I chuckled softly as she leaped off the bed, blushing.
“Be right back.” She vanished and returned moments later to hover near the door. “My parents aren’t home and Bree’s sleeping.”