This was my moment.
“Tessa, I’ve never been this involved with a girl before.” I stared straight ahead, unable to face her. “I mean, I really care about you but—”
“Are you dumping me?” she asked sharply.
“It’s not like that.” I jiggled the keys hanging in the ignition.
“Then what is it like?” Her eyes narrowed in my peripheral. “Because what you said usually precedes a breakup. So you’re not breaking up with me?”
I sighed. She wasn’t going to make this easy, not that I thought she would. “It’s just that… we’re so different.”
“Oh my God, Hayden, you are dumping me. I can’t believe you. It was only Saturday night that you asked me to be your girlfriend — less than forty-eight hours ago.” She turned away and leaned her head against the seat. “What did I expect?”
“I’m not right for you. You need a guy who wants what you want.” I hesitated, hating myself, but knowing I had to go on. “I’ll never be the doting boyfriend who watches chick flicks and does baby talk and crap like that. A girl’s lucky if I call, much less text. I thought I could do that with you, but I can’t. Not without feeling suffocated.”
She made an odd little noise and I paused. I’d hurt her, but couldn’t stop now. I had to finish it.
“I don’t want to be told what to wear or who to hang out with. I’ll never ask before doing something — I’ll just do it. That’s me, Tessa, like it or not. You need a guy a little more accommodating, someone who sucks up to you and doesn’t mind getting his nose dirty. Someone who’ll play Daddy to Bree. That’ll never be me. Besides, I need someone a little more… relaxed.
“These last two days have been awesome but,” I paused then forced myself to continue, “no way can I keep that promise to not sleep with you for the next few weeks. It’s time to move on.” I glanced over at her, my voice lightening up. “Might not be such a bad thing. It frees you up for Chait. He’s probably more your type anyway.”
“Wow, Hayden, you have that little speech down perfectly. Wrote it a while ago, did ya? Probably before you ever met me.”
I ran my hand through my hair, knowing I deserved everything she threw at me.
“It’s impressive that you lasted almost two full days in a committed relationship. So the real reason you’re moving on is because you need sex? Did I get that right?” The bitterness in her words sliced through me.
I didn’t answer, telling myself that Tessa’s chance of survival increased without me.
Chait slipped into the back seat carrying a duffle bag. “I snuck out the window and jumped the fence when no one was looking, then sprinted down the block. I’m pretty sure no one knows I left.”
Without saying a word, I started the car. Tessa stared out the window.
“Uhm, is everything okay?” he asked.
“Everything’s peachy,” she said after a few moments of silence, then gave a sigh-moan combo. “I need to go home and see Bree. What are our plans tonight? Or am I assuming too much, Hayden, by thinking that we’re all still a team? Have you decided to go on alone?”
“We’re a team, Tessa. We’re sticking together, no matter what.”
“I’ve heard that before,” she muttered.
Chait poked his head between the two seats. “What the hell is going on?”
“Hayden dumped me. Cool, huh? I shouldn’t be surprised, but what can I say? I’m a girl. We tend to believe guys when they say they care — even users like Hayden. May as well write sucker on my forehead.” She glared at me.
“It wasn’t like that. I never meant to mislead you.”
“Maybe you guys should finish this when I’m not around,” Chait said mercifully.
If I had my way, the subject would go away and Tessa would forget about it completely. She was the most grounded and confident girl I’d ever met. Once she recovered from the sting of betrayal, she’d realize what a dog she’d fallen for and wonder what she ever saw in me. Unfortunately for me, that would come too soon. I hated the thought of Tessa getting over me. Realistically, there probably wouldn’t be much for her to get over. How much could she really care for someone like me anyway?
Until then, I would be eternally grateful that Chait would be stuck to us — he’d offer a much needed buffer. If she and I had been alone together, she’d make me talk and eventually, I might tell her the truth — how much breaking up with her ripped me up inside.
But if I had to watch her take up with him or anyone else, I couldn’t hang around. I’d pick sides in a hurry or take my chances with Boris.
* * * *
Bree did her homework at the dining room table at Tessa’s while we practiced moving objects in the living room. We huddled into a triangle and kept the lights dim, so Bree couldn’t easily see what we were doing.
“So you’re really going to stay, huh?” she asked me between turns. “You’re not obligated.”
I loved Tessa, more than anyone I’d ever loved my entire life. But her occasional barb made me want to pick a fight. I wanted to yell at her and tell her to get over it.
Then take her to bed.
“I said I would.”
“I thought with your commitment phobia, it might be a problem for you.”
“Tessa, can we stop this? I never lied to you and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
“That may or may not be true.” She nodded. “But that’s not what I mean. I’m talking about being honest with yourself. You knew from the beginning that I wouldn’t sleep with you anytime soon. You also knew how committed I was to my little sister and that she was part of the package. And you still went for it.”
“Can you guys do this later?” Chait asked.
Tessa plowed on as if he hadn’t spoken. “If, deep in a corner of your mind, it occurs to you that the next girl might not be right, maybe you should pay attention. You might try not asking her to be your girlfriend.” She stomped off and a moment later, a door slammed.
“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” Chait asked, voice low.
“We’re waiting for Tessa to get back. When Bree’s done with her homework—”
“You know that’s not what I’m asking.” Chait looked genuinely concerned.
I squeezed my eyes shut. “The door’s open for you and you’re questioning me? You like her. Here’s your chance.”
“Yeah, who wouldn’t mind hooking up with that? But she likes you, idiot. Besides, I don’t do rebound girls.” He shook his head. “No, thank you.”
Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief. Tessa shouldn’t be with me. She needed to move on.
But not while I watched.
Chapter Thirty-five
Tessa
Bree fell asleep during her bedtime story and I curled up on the floor at the foot of her bed. I cried. Not the kind of crying you do when you’re frustrated, hurt or a little angry. It was the cry that contorts your face and makes your nose run, your eyes bloodshot.
That bastard.
I’d known better, but had stupidly let my guard down. My instincts had screamed at me but I’d ignored them — because he’d looked at me and touched me like he cared. He’d been so convincing. Could anyone fake it that well? If he hadn’t learned to block his thoughts, I would’ve known.
When I’d cried myself dry, I tiptoed out of her room and crept close enough for the boys to hear me, while keeping some distance, so they wouldn’t see my splotchy face. “I’m jumping in the shower.”
In the bathroom, I called my grandmother. I knew I shouldn’t since it wasn’t an emergency. But I needed to hear her voice and see how Zoe was doing.
“Hi, sweetheart. We can’t talk long.”
“Okay.” I was elated she picked up the phone at all. “But I have to know how she’s doing.”
“We gave her blood and an IV with medicine and nutrients so she can begin healing. Plus I’ve worked on her personally, as a healer. She was in bad shape, honey, and she’s got a ways to go. But I think she’ll be waking soon. We’re seeing more movement.”