“Take your clothes off and hold me,” she instructed in a soft voice.
Callum didn’t say anything as he removed his suit jacket and dropped it on the floor. She took in every movement he made until he was only left in his dress pants. Then his hands were on his belt as he unfastened it and unbuttoned his pants. Her heart beat fast against her chest as he pulled down the zipper and let the slacks fall to his feet. Stepping out of them, he stood naked in front of her.
Crouching back down to face her, Callum stroked her wet hair back and kept his grey eyes on her. She saw it in the way he looked at her—he wanted tonight to be memorable as they closed their book. They’d had a lifetime of love in a short period of sometimes. It was more than she thought she’d have with him and more than most people would have in life.
“I will never forget you, Peyton Olivia Spencer,” he whispered. His words travelled through her veins and settled into her burning heart.
Afraid she would plead for him again, she pushed up from the tub, away from his touch, and sat straight. She gave him the room to sit and hold her. Carefully, he placed one foot in the water and then the other before he lowered himself behind her. He stretched out his legs on either side of Peyton’s body and rested his hands on her hips, pulling her in to lean into his chest.
Peyton drew up her legs as Callum’s chin settled in the curve of her neck and his hands were on her shins. She felt all of him against her back as she stared at the bubbles that surrounded their bodies.
“Callum,” she said, trying to ignore the sad tone to her voice.
“Yes, Peyton.”
“This is going to end horribly for us, isn’t it?” she asked, already knowing the answer.
His lips grazed her neck, sending shivers down her spine, and then he pressed another one just below her ear. His breath touched her skin before he said, “Yes.”
Peyton’s lips made a fine line, and she nodded. “Then bring it on.”
His soft chuckle influenced the smile on her face. The moment Peyton moved, his hands left her, giving her the space to turn her body to his. When she positioned both palms on his chest, his breathing was heavy rather than consistent intakes of air. Then she tilted her head slightly and stared into his eyes.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, covering her hands with his before bringing her left hand to his lips and kissing her palm.
“Austria,” she replied.
“Oh,” he let out, staring at their connected hands. “I’m sorry we never got there.” The remorse was thick in his voice.
“It was just one of those things, Callum. Things we said because we were young and dumb. We thought we were invincible. But the truth of it all was that we were naïve and high on love and the belief of forever. We were teenagers who thought we could outplay the universe.”
Callum looked down at their hands before he said, “The universe outplayed us in the end.”
The sad look in his eyes could break her heart all over again. She didn’t want this to be sad. She wanted a few good memories. Ones that would keep her company at night. Ones that would guide her through the shadows and into the light. Peyton pulled her hand from his and placed it on his shoulder. Then Callum’s eyes met hers before her hand mirrored her previous actions.
“Hold me, please,” she said.
Callum nodded. “All night I will.”
That made her smile. She wrapped her arms around the back of his head and sat in his lap. That’s when she felt him touch her there, but she didn’t want them to make love in the tub. She wanted him in her sheets for the last time. Then she pulled his ear to her chest, allowing him to hear her heart beat for him.
She didn’t care that this embrace was eating away the seconds, the minutes they had left. This was a sometimes moments. Hers. His. Theirs. No one would ever take this exact moment away. She knew what sometimes moments were. They were a beautiful way of hiding the fact that sometimes doesn’t mean forever. That sometimes leads to ‘The End.’ Their end.
Sometimes moments would keep her living in denial for the rest of her life, and she was okay with it. Because sometimes was what she would have and hold on to. This time, she was sure she couldn’t have a life after Callum. He had marked her further. There would be no man after him. It was Callum or no man at all for her heart. It was a choice her brain had agreed upon.
“Callum,” she said as she closed her eyes.
“Yes, Peyton.”
She held him closer to her chest. “I don’t think I could love anyone as hard, as strong, as pure, as intense, or as heartbreakingly as I love you. You should know that I’ve only ever wanted to love you.”
Callum’s arms wrapped around her back and held her tight. “I’ve only ever wanted to love just you. I only loved just you. I will only love just you—all of you, Peyton. When I leave, you’ll be the one my heart loves more than anything that has breathed or existed.”
Peyton didn’t even try to hold back her tears as her heart began to crumble. “You’ll find her,” she whispered, letting go of the hope that it could have been her.
Callum shook his head against her breasts. “I found her when I was a teenager. I found her again almost a month ago. I’m holding her…but I have to let her go.”
He has to let me go… I have to let him go. I have to let him be free.
Peyton untangled her arms and placed both her hands on the side of his head, pulling him up to face her.
She took a deep breath.
And then exhaled.
She let her heart beat twice before she said, “If you ever need me, I will be right here. Maybe, one day, you’ll find your way to me again. I will be here, right where you left me. We don’t have to talk. We could just exchange glances and then you leave, knowing that it’s enough for us. I’ll hope for those stolen glances.”
I’ll hope for forever someday. I’ll hope for forever in our next lives. I’ll ask God for his love in our next lives, too. I’ll ask him for Callum to love me until the very end of existence.
The sun lit her bedroom brightly and beautifully, like it were mocking them. Like the sun knew of the end the exact same way it gave the moon the space to glow above the skies. But unlike the sun, they would never have another rise. It was their sunset for good. Her world would soon be consumed by black, no light from the moon to guide the waves to shore and no sun to warm her body. Just black. They had moments left of their time together.
They had both been awake long before the sun had risen but both had stayed quiet, their hands touching and their fingers circling—whatever they could do to make the other know that they weren’t alone just yet.
Each breath Callum made she considered her favourite until he made another. Each heartbeat that thumped against her ear was memorised. With each circle he made, the pattern was engrained into her skin. Each squeeze of her arm was cherished. It was all about memorising, waiting to feel, hear, touch, and breathe the last of them.
Last night was the last time they’d make love. If they were to do so now, it’d make goodbye much harder. Every inch of pleasure, every moan, groan, pant, and whisper of love was sent directly to her heart. They had loved harder than they had before. They had cried more. They had reached euphoria for the last time in each other’s arms. It had been a perfect ending. It had been the perfect last time.
“I’m sorry, Peyton,” he whispered before his chin dipped and he kissed the top of her head.
Her eyes burned as salty tears tried to escape. She wanted to dig her nails into his torso to stop them from running down her face, but to no success. They fell and pooled on his chest.
“It’s okay,” she whispered back, the pain engulfing her chest.