Ansset was incurious.
Don't you care? Well, I do, Riktors said to Ansset's silence. The manager of Earth is due for a promotion. I'll give you his job. You'll report directly to the imperial capital, no prefects between us. The Mayor wanted to give you something smaller, some office where you wouldn't have so much responsibility. Riktors laughed. But you aren't trained for any lesser office, are you? At least you know protocol. And the staff is very good. They'll carry you until you learn your way. If you need help, I'll see to it you get it.
Riktors studied Ansset's face for any sign of emotion, though he knew better. Ansset wanted to show him something, show him what he was looking for. But it took all Ansset's concentration to maintain Control, to keep from breaking the glass and leaping from the palace to get outside, to keep from weeping until he cried his throat out. So Ansset said and showed nothing.
But I don't want to see you, Riktors said. - Ansset knew it was a lie.
"No, that's a lie. I must see you, I can't live without seeing you. I found that out clearly enough, Ansset. You showed me how much I need you. But I don't want to need you, not you, not now. And so I can't want to see you, and so I won't see you. Not until you're ready to forgive me. Not until you can come back and sing to me again.
I can't sing to anyone, Ansset wanted to say.
So I'll have them give you some sort of training- there isn't any school for planet managers, you know. The best they can do, meetings with the current manager. And then they'll take you to Babylon. It's a beautiful place, they tell me. I've never seen it. Once you get to Babylon, we'll never meet again. His voice was painful, and it tore at Ansset's heart For a moment he wanted to embrace this man who had, after all, been his brother and his friend. He had known Riktors, he thought, and Ansset did not know how not to love someone he so completely understood. But I did not really understand him, Ansset realized. Riktors was hidden from me, and I do not know him.
It was a wall, and Ansset did not breach it
Instead, Riktors tried to. He got up from the bed and came to where Ansset stood, knelt in front of him, embraced him around the waist and wept into his hip, clinging desperately. Ansset, please. Take it back! Say you love me, say that this is your home, sing to me, Ansset! But Ansset held his silence, and the man slid down his body until he lay crumpled at Ansset's feet, and finally the weeping stopped and, without lifting his head, Riktors said, Go. Get out of here. You'll never see me again. Rule the Earth, but you won't rule me any longer. You can leave.
Ansset pulled away from Riktors's slack arm and walked to the door. He touched it; it opened for him. But he had not left when Riktors cried out in agony, Won't you say anything to me?
Ansset turned around, hunting for something to break the silence with. Finally he thought of it.
Thank you, he said.
He meant thank you for caring for me, for still wanting me, for giving me something to do now that I can't sing anymore, now that my home is closed to me.
But Riktors heard it another way. He heard Ansset saying thank you for letting me leave you, thank you for not requiring me to be near you, thank you for letting me live and work in Babylon where I won't be required to sing for you anymore.
And so, to Ansset's surprise, when his voice croaked out the two words, utterly devoid of music, Riktors did not take them kindly. He only looked at Ansset with a look that the boy could only interpret as cold hatred. The look held for a few minutes, an unbearably long time, before Ansset finally could not stand to see Riktors's hatred any longer. He turned away and passed through the door. It closed behind him. When the door closed, Ansset realized that at last he was no longer a Songbird. The work he had now would require no songs.
To his surprise, he felt relieved. The music fell off him like a burden welcomely shed. It would be some time before he realized that not singing was an even heavier burden, and one far harder to be rid of.
5
Songmaster Onn returned alone to the Songhouse. No one was eager to spread bad news; no one rushed ahead of him to report that, incredibly, his mission had failed.
And so Esste, waiting patiently in the High Room, was the first to hear that Ansset would not come home.
I was not allowed to come to Earth. The other passengers were unloaded by shuttle, and I never set foot on the planet,
The message, Esste said. Was it sent in Ansset's own language?
It was a personal apology from Riktors Mikal, Onn said, and he recited it: "I regret having to inform you that Ansset, formerly a Songbird, refuses to return to Tew. His contract has expired, and since he is neither chattel nor a child, I cannot legally compel him. I hope you will understand that for his protection no one from the Songhouse will be allowed to land on Earth while he is here. He is busy; he is happy; do not be concerned for him.'
Esste and Onn looked at each other in silence, but the silence between them sang.
He is a liar, Esste finally said.
This much is true: Ansset does not sing.
What does he do?
Onn looked and sounded pained as he said it. "He is manager of Earth.
Esste sucked in air quickly. She sat in silence, her eyes focused on nothing. Onn's voice had been as kind as possible, his song gentle to her. But there was no gentleness in the message. Riktors might have forced Ansset to stay-that was believable. But how could Ansset have been forced to take a position of such responsibility?
He is so young, Esste sang.
He was never young, Onn answered, a descant.
I was cruel to him.
You gave him nothing but kindness.
When Riktors begged me to let them stay together, I should have refused.
All the Songmasters agreed that he should stay.
And then a cry that was not a song, that came deeper from within Esste than all her music.
Ansset, my son! What Have I done to you, Ansset, my son, my son!
Onn did not stay to watch Esste lose Control. What she did alone in the High Room was her own affair. He descended the long flight of steps, his body heavy with his own regret. He had had time to get used to the idea of Ansset not returning. Esste had not.
Esste could not, he feared. Not a week had passed since Ansset had left that Esste had not sung of him, either mentioning him by name or singing a melody that those who knew her recognized-a song of Ansset's, a fragment of voice that could only have been produced by the child's throat, or by Esste's, since she knew all his songs so well. His homecoming had been watched for as no other singer's return. There was no celebration planned, except in the hearts of those who meant to greet him. But there the songs had been waiting, ready to burst the air with rejoicing for the greatest Songbird of them all. The place was ready for Ansset. It was meant that he would begin to teach at once. It was meant that his voice would sing all the hours of the day, would lead the song in the courtyards, would be heard in the evening from the tower. It was meant that, someday, he would be Songmaster, perhaps in the High Room.
Onn had had time to get used to the failure of all these intentions. Yet as he walked slowly down the stairs he heard his footsteps ringing hollowly against the stone, for he still wore his traveling shoes. The wrong wanderer has returned, he thought. In his mind he heard Ansset's last song, years before, in the great hall. The memory of it was thin. It sounded like wind in the tower, and made him feel cold.
6
Ansset had only been in Babylon a week when he got lost.
He had been in the palace too long. It didn't occur to him that he didn't know his way around. And in fact he had learned almost immediately every corner of the manager's building, which he was sharing for two weeks with the outgoing manager, who was trying to acquaint him with his staff and the current problems and work. It was tedious, but Ansset thrived on tedium these days. It kept his mind off himself. It was much more comfortable to immerse himself in the work of government.