But there is no reason to tell them how intransigent I intend to be unless they bring up objections. I trust to your discretion and good judgment, which I have learned to respect today better than I respect my own. And now let's go to bed; I'm sure you're all as tired as I am.
When Ansset arose to leave, the envoys spontaneously applauded him.
The evening was not over yet, however. Ansset, Kyaren, and the Latin minister went from the meetingroom to a small chamber where the outgoing manager waited for them. He had been watching everything by vids all day. And now he was supposed to criticize Ansset's actions and statements, helping him to learn from his mistakes.
But you made no mistakes, the manager said, with a smile that did not, to Kyaren's eyes, look sincere. And so I can leave with an easy heart.
And he left.
He can talk about an easy heart all he likes, Ansset said to Kyaren when the man was gone. But he didn't like me.
She laughed. Can you tell Ansset why?" she asked the Latin minister.
The minister did not laugh. I don't wish to sound disrespectful of the former manager, Ansset, but no one has ever been able to deal reasonably with the Brazilians. This is the first time I've ever seen a conference end without the manager having to threaten to send in troops against them.
Ansset smiled. They're proud people, he said. I liked them.
Then the minister left, and Ansset sat down. The weariness finally showed in his face, and he was trembling. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, he said softly.
It should get easier, Kyaren answered, still surprised to see him showing weakness.
Look, Ansset said. I'm shaking. I never shake.
Because you used to sing, Kyaren did not say. They were both well aware of the reason why Ansset could not maintain perfect Control anymore. She helped him up from the bench where he sat.
Are you going to bed now? Kyaren asked.
Ansset shook his head. I doubt it. I couldn't sleep. Or if I forced myself to, I'd pay for it tomorrow. Break a window and chew the glass, or something. Ansset was obviously ashamed of his new weakness.
Will you come with me, then? Kyaren asked. I haven't had supper, and we could eat together and relax a little. If you don't mind.
Ansset did not mind.
8
Josif woke up more from the smell than the sound. At least the smell was the first thing he was aware of, real food cooking in the kitchen instead of the bland smell of machine food. He looked at the clock. One in the morning. He had gone to bed three hours before, knowing Kyaren would not be home until late. But real food was cooking in the kitchen, and while they had real food often-one of the luxuries they indulged in on their newly expanded salaries-they always ate it together.
He then became aware of the voices. They were not load. Kyaren's voice he knew from the cadences. The other voice he did not know. It sounded like a woman. Inwardly Josif relaxed, got out of bed, put on a robe, and walked sleepily into the front room.
In the kitchen Kyaren was making a salad, while talking to a boy who looked to be about twelve or thirteen. Their backs were to him.
Still, you handled them masterfully, Kyaren was saying.
The boy shrugged. I heard their songs and sang them back. It's easy.
For you, Kyaren said. But then, you were singing.
The boy laughed. To Josif the sound was received not so much by his ears as by his spine, tingling with the music of it. He knew now who the child was-the only person so young whose voice would have that kind of power to it, Ansset. Josif had never met him, had only seen pictures. But he did not want the boy to turn around. Instead he watched him from the back, the way his hair curled gently onto his neck, clinging with sweat from the heat of the kitchen; the way his chest sloped into his waist, which was lithe, and then did not flare at all as the lines of his body went smoothly down narrow hips to strong, well-shaped legs. His movement was graceful as he alternately leaned in to watch Kyaren's hands working and leaned out to look at her face as they talked.
Singing? the boy was asking. If that was singing, then a parrot speaks.
It was singing," Kyaren said. But then, I never had an ear."
The Songhouse, of course. Josif knew from what Ferret had said that Kyaren came from the Songhouse. But they had never talked about it. It was clearly on the list of things that Josif may know, but that Kyaren was not able to discuss. It had not really occurred to Josif, not seriously, anyway, that Kyaren might know Ansset. It was like being from a city on Earth. Even being from Seattle, far from a large town, it always seemed absurd to him when people asked, From Seattle? Why then, do you know my cousin? The name never meant anything to him. But the Songhouse wasn't so much a town as a school, was it? And Kyaren knew this boy. Who also happened to be the planet manager, and therefore the key to their advancement.
It occurred to Josif that Ansset might be helpful to them. But that thought was buried in far stronger thoughts and feelings. For then Ansset turned around and looked at him.
The pictures were poor imitations. Josif was not prepared for the eyes, which found his face as if Ansset had been looking for him for a long time; the lips that were parted just slightly, that hinted of smiles and passion; the ' translucence of the skin, which seemed smooth as marble yet deep and warm as soil in sunlight. Josif had been beautiful as a boy, but this child made him feel ugly by contrast. Josif's hands longed just to touch his cheek-it could not be as perfect as it looked.
Hi, Ansset said.
Kyaren turned around, startled. When she saw it was Josif, she was relieved. Oh, Josif. I thought you were asleep.
I was, Josif said, surprised that he could speak.
How long have you been standing there?
It was Ansset who responded: A few minutes. I heard him come in.
Why didn't you say something?
And again Ansset answered, though the question had been directed to Josif. I knew he was no danger to us. He came from the bedroom. I assume he's Josif, your friend.
Yes, Kyaren said. Her tone sounded tentative. Josif realized that she had never mentioned him to Ansset- she was surprised that Ansset knew about him.
Apparently Ansset caught her hesitation, too. Oh, Kyaren, you didn't think they'd let me be friends with you without a security check, did you? He sounded amused. They're so thorough. I'm sure they know exactly where I am right now, and what we're doing.
Are they listening to us? Kyaren asked, appalled.
They aren't allowed to, Ansset said, but they probably are. If not the locals, then the imperial snoops. No, don't worry about it. They're probably just monitoring heartbeats and the number of people present, that kind of thing. I'm allowed some privacy. I can insist on it, and I will. His voice radiated calm. Both Josif and Kyaren visibly relaxed.
The salad was done, and Kyaren sprinkled hot mushrooms over the top of it.
I didn't expect real food, Ansset said.
"We usually eat out of the machines, Kyaren answered, and they spent a while during the meal talking about the virtues and dangers and expenses and inconveniences of eating real. Of course, in the palace Ansset had never tasted machine food; there are benefits to eating with the emperor.
Josif said little, however, and ate little. He tried to convince himself that it was because he was tired. Actually, however, his eyes were wide open and his attention never flagged. He watched both Kyaren and Ansset, but mostly Ansset, as his hands described graceful patterns in the ah-, as his eyes danced with delight at flavors, at wit, and sometimes at nothing at all, just sheer enjoyment of being where he was, doing what he was doing.
Ansset's every word was love, and Josif s silence answered him.
Don't you think so, Josif? Kyaren asked, and Josif realized that he had not been listening to the conversation.