“What did she show you?” Sitting beside me he left almost a whole cushion between us. A small piece of me didn’t like the distance but I ignored it.
“A few of the memories were of my parents using Magic in front of me. My mother didn’t want me to be exposed to Magic. She thought that if she kept me from the Magical world I’d be spared.” I laughed without humor. So much for that.
“It was wishful thinking at best. Prophecies aren’t made lightly,” Robert sounded apologetic, but I knew he understood how futile my parents’ efforts had been.
“What else did she show you?” he asked when I didn’t say anything.
Looking at him I wished he could see what was in my head so I wouldn’t have to say it out loud. I took a large sip of tea, letting the whiskey give me courage. The warmth coated my throat and moved swiftly down my torso. My head spun as the whiskey burned in my chest.
I took a deep breath and exhaled. “She showed me how my parents really died,” I said and pulled the blanket more fully over my legs.
“I'm so sorry,” he said and reached out to squeeze my foot. I felt his touch burning through the blanket.
“I understand why she altered the memory. It was the right thing to do.”
“It’s never the right thing to do." His voice was stern and the little wrinkle between his eyebrows appeared as he furrowed his brow.
If only he could see in my head, he would understand what my Aunt did for me.
“Do you know the truth about how they died?” I asked.
“No, I only know they died when you were young. No one’s ever elaborated more on the topic.”
“They were murdered.” I paused as tears stung my eyes and threatened to spill over. “Because of me.” A single tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away.
Robert didn’t say anything. He grabbed my hand and held it in his.
“I was the one who found them,” I continued, “when I got home from school.”
“Violet, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to tell me,” Robert said and moved closer.
“Yes I do.” Another tear fell from my eye. Robert gently wiped the tear away and let his hand rest on my shoulder. “I could still feel the Magic when I found them. The air was thick with it. The killer wanted to send a message. There was blood everywhere."
Pausing I took another sip of my tea as I summoned the last bit of my courage.
“I spent the night at a friend’s house the night before,” I explained. “That’s when it happened. My aunt said she stopped looking ahead for my parents because they didn’t want to know when they would die, but I wonder if they knew. I wonder if that’s why they sent me to my friend’s house for the night, to protect me.” I pulled the blanket tighter around me, suddenly feeling cold despite the tea. “I was in shock. I walked over to their bodies and sat in their blood, not knowing what to do. I never cried, I just sat with them until my aunt showed up and called the police. She tried to get me to talk for days but I wouldn’t say anything. So finally she altered my memory and I grew up thinking I’d lost my parents in a car accident. I even thought I gave a speech at their funeral, but it was all a lie. They were murdered and it was all my fault.”
Unable to fight it anymore, I let myself cry.
“Listen to me. None of this is your fault. Look at me,” Robert insisted, taking my face in his hand and pulling it up so I’d lock with his eyes. “Your parents’ death is not your fault.”
“But they died because I was their daughter,” I sniffled and wiped my nose with the back of my hand.
“Your parents, whether they wanted to admit it or not, knew who you’d become. They died protecting you so that you could fulfill your destiny. The only person who can accept fault for their death is the person who killed them.”
“But if I’d never been born-“
“You were meant to be born to them. Your soul chose them. When they found out who you were they could have given you up to be protected and hidden away but they didn’t. They chose to keep you and care for you themselves. They knew the consequences of their actions but you were worth it. You can’t blame yourself, do you understand me?”
“But-”
“Do you understand me?” he asked with fierce determination.
I looked at him for a long moment, letting myself get lost in the haze of the whiskey. How could I make him understand that maybe if I had died instead of my parents, everyone would be better off?
Tears streamed down my face as the pain of their death gripped me. Robert took the teacup from my hand and set it on the table next to his. He pulled me to his chest and let the grief consume me.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that but as my tears started to fade exhaustion swept over me. Letting everything out did make me feel a little better. I’d been holding so much in lately that my heart was a tangled mess. I still felt guilty for my parents’ death and I was still overwhelmed by the Magical world. But after today, I was finally ready to accept that all of this is real. I guess that means I’m not in Kansas anymore, I thought with a wry smile.
I pulled away from Robert and sighed heavily. “I think I’m ready to sleep now,” I said.
“I’ll say. You smell like a distillery,” he teased.
“Not nice.” I stood up and nearly lost my balance.
Robert grabbed hold of my waist to steady me. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
I thought about protesting his help but my head was starting to spin a little. “Let’s,” I said as we walked toward my bedroom.
Robert helped me into bed and threw the covers over me. The sheets were cold and I shivered a little. I closed my eyes as Robert started to shut the door and my parents’ faces flashed across my vision.
“Robert?” I chirped against my better judgment. This was a horrible idea but I couldn’t stand being alone all night.
“Yeah?” he said, poking his head back in.
“Will you…will you stay with me tonight?”
He hesitated in the doorway. “Violet, I…”
“I just don’t want to be alone. I can’t stop the memories,” I said under my breath.
He sighed and closed the door.
“Do you have an extra blanket?” He asked.
“Yeah, in the chest.” I pointed toward the foot of the bed.
He pulled a quilt out of the chest and laid down on top of the duvet next to me then threw the quilt over himself.
“I’m right here if you need me,” he said and settled into bed.
“Thank you.”
Darkness concealed all but the faintest outline of his face. I smiled knowing I was safe with him here next to me and with that little surety in my mind my anxiety faded a little.
I laid down on my side with my back to him. His steady breathing was like the tide moving in and out. With each breath he took my eyes grew heavy. I tried to keep them open so I could enjoy the calmness of the moment but I couldn’t fight it any longer. My eyelids felt like barbells and I gave way to exhaustion. This time I saw my parents just as I’d remembered them: loving and alive.
Chapter 14
Somewhere between reality and dreams I heard what sounded like a blunt object banging against wood. I stirred and lifted the covers to my chin as I tried to chase the wispy edges of my fading dream.
“Violet,” a warm voice whispered, “someone’s at the door.”