“I want you to teach me how to use Magic,” I blurted out.
His eyes still held a hint of desire from our playful banter but the look on his face was pure shock. I waited for him to say something but he just stared at me.
Uncomfortable with the silence, I took a step toward him and said, “You said yourself I'm not able to protect myself against Magic.”
“Well yes, but-”
I cut him off. “No more buts or excuses from either of us. If I’m going to do this, if I’m really going to accept this part of myself, then I have to be all in.”
“Are you sure you’re ready, though?” he asked, frowning with concern. He looked worried and rightfully so. Only a few days ago I’d been fighting him tooth and nail about all of this.
“Yes, I’m sure. Robert, my life’s been turned upside down and I need to regain control,” I pleaded. I felt like a child asking permission to go to the school dance. It made me uncomfortable and I crossed my arms to keep the agitation from showing on my face.
“I don’t want you to move too fast. You need to really believe first.”
“I do believe. I want…” I faltered. “I need this.”
“Why the sudden need for control?”
“Because I’m sick of other people telling me who I am or who I’m supposed to be. I need to know for myself. I need to experience it for myself.”
He looked at me for a long moment and then smiled. “Alright,” he said, “close your eyes.”
I took a deep breath and did as he instructed.
“Clear your mind,” he continued with a soft voice. “Feel the beat of your heart and follow it inward.”
“How?” I asked.
“There’s an energy inside you that wasn’t there before. Clear your mind and try to focus. It’ll be very subtle at first.”
I took a deep breath and cleared my mind. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was supposed to focus on, so I listened to my heartbeat from within and focused on my lungs expanding with each breath. In and out. Thump-thump, thump-thump. In and out. Thump-thump, thump-thump.
Robert wrapped his hands around my wrists like gentle manacles and lifted them from my sides.
“Let me guide you,” he said, caressing the insides of my palms.
I let out a ragged breath and gave myself over to his influence. A tingling sensation started in the tips of my fingers. It slowly moved up my arms and throughout my entire body. The hunger that had been growing just under my ribcage the last few weeks relished in the sensation and expanded to fill me from head to toe. Bit by bit the energy left my extremities and rushed to my core. It coursed through my veins, ready to be freed from the shell of my body.
“Now try thinking about a blanket of protection. Let it wrap around you and feel its defense,” Robert instructed. “Use the energy inside you to make that blanket into a barrier between us.”
The room had grown so quiet that his voice startled me. I took a breath in cadence with the hum inside me and tried to picture an impenetrable blanket wrapped around me.
“Open your eyes,” he said.
I hesitated for a moment. This is it, no turning back now. I still had some reservations about Magic but I’d honestly come to terms with it. Now it was time to let go and release the Magic within me.
Cautiously, I opened my eyes and glanced at my extended hands. Robert was no longer holding onto me. Looking up, I couldn't believe what I saw. A beautiful, golden shimmer hung between Robert and I. The barrier rippled like the ocean and was transparent enough that I could see Robert standing on the other side of it. I looked up again and the golden barrier disappeared.
“What happened?” I asked. The smile faded from my face.
Robert chuckled and said, “It takes a lot of concentration to keep up a shield.”
“So I did it then?”
“Yes. Now that you’ve seen how your shield manifests itself, it should be easier to bring it up again.”
“Manifests itself?”
“Everyone’s shield is different. When you tap into your Magic, you’re tapping into the essence of who you are. Even though I can teach you everything I know, healing aside, your Magic will manifest different than it does for me.”
“What does your shield look like?” I asked.
Before I could blink, a burning red shield flew up between us. It was the most remarkable thing I’d ever seen. It rippled as different shades of crimson wove in and out of each other, flowing to an unheard beat. The shield hung between us like a piece of transparent fabric. I reached out and let my fingers graze the shield in front of me the way I used to run my fingers across the water when I was a kid. I could feel his energy and tried to push my fingers through the sea of red but couldn't penetrate the barrier. I looked up at Robert, amazed as a smile spread across his face.
“This is unbelievable,” I said under my breath.
“It’s all real. The world is at your fingertips,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the red curtain. I felt his energy as I passed through the shield, the same warm energy I’d felt the night he healed me.
“How’d you-”
“It’s my shield,” he explained before I could finish my question. “I’m in control of what comes through it.” One of his arms found its way around my waist.
I reached out to touch the crimson waves and the shield disappeared leaving a current in the air that was almost palpable. Robert watched me carefully, curiosity written in all the lines of his face. He still had his arm wrapped around me and it brought all my emotions bubbling to the surface.
“What?” I asked, trying not to blush.
“I’m just surprised. You’re handling this much better than I thought you would.”
I sighed and picked a piece of lint off his shirt. “It’s important for me to accept this side of my life.”
“Violet.” He lifted my chin so I had to look at him. “It won’t matter that it’s important if you don’t truly embrace this side of you.”
“I’m getting there.” I smiled and leaned in a little closer to him. My heart had gained some speed with his arm around me and I desperately wanted to break the tension between us.
“Shall we try again?” he asked, releasing me and taking a deep breath.
“Sure.” I stepped away and closed my eyes.
This time I found the energy inside me without Robert’s help. Now that I knew what I was looking for and how it felt, it was easier to stay focused. It took much longer to summon up the same force Robert had on my own, but slowly the electric hum built up inside me. I saw the beautiful golden shield in my head and tried to focus on seeing it in front of me. Robert stood quiet in the room somewhere, watching and waiting. I felt the electricity ease some and opened my eyes. A golden shimmer hung in the air and quickly fizzled into nothing.
“That was really good,” Robert said with a proud smile.
“Really good? Nothing happened. It didn’t look anything like it did the first time,” I lamented.
“Violet, it’s not easy. For doing it on your own, that was perfect. It didn’t take you nearly as long as I thought it would for you to summon the Magic.”
“How long did it take you before you were able to do it instantly?”
“Just try again,” he said, avoiding my question.
“How long?”
“It doesn’t matter, everyone’s different. Now try again.”
I closed my eyes again and found the flicker of electricity inside me once more. It took even longer this time to build up the same sort of intensity and I felt like I was going to break a sweat as I wrinkled up my face in focus. Once I thought I was strong enough, I imagined my shield. I pictured the golden shimmer wrapping around me like a cocoon. I felt the electricity bubble over and let it flow out of me with ease.