Devin and Sandy got me guns. They were a matched set: shotgun, rifle and handguns. It was a special run they’d made, just as gift sets, for VIPs and executives at their company. The stocks and grip had the four stooges—the wolves who’d given us problems last year—carved on them. The carrying cases had an artist’s rendition of my wolf picture where I chased them off. Uncle John and Bonnie gave me a card that said I was getting a gun safe installed in my apartment. Greg and Angie bought me a scope for the rifle.
Kyle and Mac made out like bandits. Duke got a collar and leash. I teased Nancy that we should try it out. I bought all the women gift certificates to Victoria’s Secret, which brought grins to all the guys’ faces. The men received memberships in the ‘Scotch of the Month’ club. Nancy opened a jewelry box with an ankle bracelet in it. I could see all the women were jealous. I nodded to the guys and they all gave their women matching ankle bracelets. Devin looked silly giving his sister one, but she looked pleased.
DEVIN TOOK THE GUYS and we tried out my guns. The ranch had a range set up on the property that I’d never seen before. Uncle John helped me sight the new scope for the rifle. I showed off with the handguns. Dad and Greg had a blast shooting clay pigeons with the shotgun. Devin then showed us his gun collection. He had a vintage M2 Browning .50 caliber machine gun. He put it on its three-legged stand, and we destroyed things with it.
The girls went to the movies, so we all met in town at a Chinese place. It was a nice, relaxing day.
Wednesday December 31
THE LAST FEW DAYS HAVE been probably the best I’ve had in a long time. I was getting to know Bonnie better. She was actually quite funny, once you got past her shyness and got to know her. Listening to her and Mom trade barbs was worth the trip. I could tell a real bond was forming there.
Uncle John was still worried about my movie role. I was flying out tomorrow, and meeting Kendal in LA to do the initial read-through of the script. Surprisingly, Lori Winnick had called and given me some pointers on how to handle myself while we read the script. She warned me only to listen to the director and producer when it came to ideas for my character. The overall message was to watch my back. Of course, I could trust her ... couldn’t I?
Nancy and I had decided that for now, we were just good friends. She’d encouraged me to sleep with Sandy a couple of nights. Sandy tried to get me to spend some time with her friends, but I’d found ways of dodging them. It wasn’t like I wasn’t interested; I was. I just wasn’t looking for one-night stands.
The Nancy and Devin thing got resolved in a big way: Nancy had a short discussion with Devin. Mom had a huge grin on her face when she saw me after the confrontation happened. She was very proud of Nancy and was sure she was going to make an excellent lawyer.
Speaking of confrontations, I did send Kara in to give me a report on Simon. She wasn’t impressed. Tami and her mom finally had it out. I still don’t know what the dustup was over, but Simon packed up and went back over the pond. Thankfully, Tami didn’t call me back to cry on my shoulder, though we did have discussions about other topics. She was pushing me to get an apartment in Chicago for the summer. She wanted to accept an internship at Northwestern Medical, which was in the heart of downtown. She was selling it as a good location for me to be able to catch flights, and I could also pick up modeling work.
I talked to Mom about it. She told me the only way Mrs. Glade would allow Tami to take the internship was if I lived with her. Mom made fun of me, wondering when I’d become the responsible one. Mom was not inclined to allow me to head off to Chicago for the summer. She made some disparaging remark about me being too young. I wanted to do it so I could spend time rebuilding our friendship.
Tonight, was the annual Range Sports New Year’s Eve Dinner-Dance. They were flying in people from all over the country to be here tonight. Sandy told me they were renting an entire nightclub for the party.
MOM FOUND ME CRYING in the exercise room. I’d gone in there to get away from everyone because I knew no one else would be using it. She came in and just hugged me.
“I thought I might find you in here. This time last year I was worried sick about you. You’ve been doing pretty well the last few days; why so sad today?” Mom asked.
“It was about this time last year I’d finally given up. I knew I was going to die, and I’d made my peace with God. I’ve never given up on anything before or since. It just reminded me how close I came to dying.”
“Were you scared?” Mom asked.
“I was at first. You know how I hate enclosed spaces. I was terrified I’d never get to accomplish everything I thought God had planned for me, and I was sure I was too young to die. When I finally felt my body shutting down, I figured the next time I fell asleep, that would be it. I had a calmness come over me. I accepted that if it was God’s plan, then I was ready.”
“I never hear you talk about your faith. Have you ever thought of doing something about it?”
“I’ve thought about being a youth pastor, but I just don’t have time.”
“How about becoming a guest speaker?”
“I think there might be another issue which might preclude me from doing it: I’m not the best role model.”
“I’ve never pushed you, but I think you’re selling yourself short. No one’s perfect, least of all you,” Mom said, getting a zinger in.
It made me smile. I appreciated how Mom had moved my focus off the accident where Pastor Dan had died, and my near-death experience, to something else. I was feeling better and hugged Mom. She’d had a rough year, also.
“So, how are you feeling?” I asked her.
“Not bad. I guess it’s the time of year when you examine your life and make New Year’s resolutions.”
“Like what?”
“Well, I’ve been feeling better, and I’ve gained my weight back from the cancer. I want to get fit. There’s always a chance it’ll come back, and people who are fit are better able to fight it. I’ve also found I’m falling into a routine. I know its cliché, but I want to start living life to its fullest. I want to go and do things. This vacation was great. We got to spend time with family and do activities we normally don’t do.”
“That sounds like a great plan, and I want you to do what makes you happy. I love you, Mom. I don’t want you to regret anything.”
“While we’re talking about the upcoming year, I want to talk to you about Tami,” Mom said.
She could tell this was the last thing I wanted to talk about.
“Settle down, I’m not going to make you upset,” she said, and then smiled. “You’re so touchy about her. I hope you learn from the two of you being apart this year.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let me ask you a question, and I really want you to think about the answer before you say something stupid. Do you plan to someday marry Tami?”
I looked at Mom to see if she was playing with me. All I saw in her eyes was concern.
“If you’d asked me six months ago, the answer would have been yes, with no hesitation. Today, I’m no longer sure.”
I think my answer shocked my mom. I don’t think there’d ever really been any doubt about Tami and me being together in the long term. We’d been almost inseparable since she moved here in the first grade.
“I know you hate getting advice from your mother, but I’m going to give it to you anyway: if you’re not sure about your future with Tami, I want you to quit measuring every relationship against what you think it’ll be like. I’ve seen you be cautious when it comes to girls. I know she hurt you, but the fact is the fantasy you’ve built up in your mind isn’t realistic. No relationship will ever measure up, not even if the two of you end up together.